AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

[sweeel]

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

I never got lifts because my parents didn’t drive. I still managed to go out every weekend and get home. Very entitled behaviour expecting parents to have no life on the off chance you might want a lift

I feel sorry for teenagers now

What on earth??

Let her go. This movie was a big event for teenagers, there will be loads of likeminded teenagers there.
It’s hard to let go but you have to help her navigate through life.

@pinenuts75

worry about what though? In the scenario OP describes what is there to worry about?

This. People always react to these times as the era of independent teenagers. My friends and I made some terrible decisions that could have been prevented with some adult supervision. I do wonder how we survived sometimes.
Even so, knife crimes was a rarer thing and random sexual attacks too.

Weird. My DD17 doesn’t have a curfew. She just just run out of the door to go out with friends into central London this evening. I have no idea where she is planning on going, what time she plans on being home nor how she plans on getting home.

But she has a phone, with City Mapper, Uber and ApplePay on it. She’ll be fine.

At 17, your DD should be coming and going as she pleases.

WTF make a memory of her mum picking her up from the cinema and getting a drive through. She’s 17 not 7

I'm glad you've realised and accepted you're being unreasonable!

Hopefully this thread has reassured you. She is 17 with a smart phone, our only rule for late nights is the phone must be charged.

That’s exactly how I’d treat my 12 year old if she was coming out the cinema at midnight.

For a 17 year old you are having a laugh

I can’t actually believe that I am reading this thread about a 17 year old going to a not very late cinema showing and being picked up at the door. This is the kind of post it might be reasonable to write about a 14 year old.

Presumably she has finished her first year of 6th form she’s far from a young teen. Many 17 year olds are driving and getting themselves all over the place at this age.

im afraid I agree with other posters, having this level of anxiety about minor freedoms for a 6th former is totally over the top. We need to give our kids some resilience and freedom and worrying and even crossing your mind that you could object to a 17 year old going to a busy cinema is madness.

@pinenuts75

but what exactly is there to worry about in the scenario that OP describes? You haven’t said

But isn’t that part of growing up? Making poor decisions learning from them and creating crazy memories? I was going clubbing at 15 (mum thought I was babysitting friend’s younger sister!) now I’m not saying that’s ok nowadays but at 17 you should be able to have the freedom and be learning the skills for independence so that at 18 you are capable of being treated like the adult you are.

No issue with OP choosing to pick up the DD rather than fork out for taxis if op is happy to do that, but the op asked if she should LET her 17yr DD go to the cinema to watch an evening film! This is the crazy part, at 17 having to ask permission to go to the cinema with your friends!

All credit to OP for recognising it is OTT and taking the overwhelming feedback on board.

Not being an alcoholic does not equal not having a life.

Beyond that some people grow up rurally, there was no public transport where I grew up for miles and miles. I had to get lifts from strangers.

I totally agree. My now 18 yo dd was at Leeds festival last year at 17. Four nights. She started clubbing a good year ago. Idk if she was 16 or already turned 17. I have picked her up from raves at 4am. She stayed in a hotel for a Manchester rave, getting Ubers. And she just got back from a holiday abroad with another 18 yo and a 17 yo.

@sweeel Good grief. At 17, I was staying out till 2 am then walking 3 miles home as the buses had stopped. You're meeting and collecting her, don't be so ridiculous!

ffs she is telling you where she is etc... be grateful for that.

Seems fine, unless it's in a horrifically crime-ridden neighborhood.
Of course, if they waited a week, they could choose an earlier time, which would allow them the option of hanging out afterward to chatter about the movie, which would possibly be more fun.

Just get her to wait inside - or make sure you are a little early and can catch her coming out. It's all character building for them

How is it character building to have her mum waiting outside the cinema when she comes out? In that scenario the dd isn't required to make any decisions or use any initiative.

she's 17!

my ds was watching movies that finished at midnight with friends from about 15.

the car park was directly outside and he walked out with everyone else and got in the car .

i wouldn’t be comfortable with a bus that time of night but I still think at 17 they could do that if they wanted. But id rather offer a lift.

That only works if parents can drive( the always picking them up) My parents couldn't so id never expect it and used to get myself home Had my own place at 17 though

You are not being that paranoid looking out for your daughter's safety. Too many responses are too lax. You should allow her, but similarly I would want to collect.

Can everyone stop with the "when I was 17" rubbish. VERY different times 🙄

Telling you where she is going is for safety and it's respectful, she's your child.

Eek. At 17 I was going clubbing in Leeds and getting the 2.30am fightrider night rider bus home. I must have been that age going to a midnight showing of Hannibal in another city too, with my boyfriend’s mate driving us there and back.

18 and 21 year old Nieces both went to Reading Festival when they were 17, flying there and back from Jersey with their mates and getting up to who knows what while they were there.

I’d say you’re fine to loosen the apron strings a bit for this OP.