AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

[sweeel]

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

But OP doesn’t want that….. it’s dangerous 🤷‍♀️

She's 17. Give her taxi money. She's a young adult.

Er, it’s the mother that wants to collect t her

Don't have an issue going to collect her, a little annoying but that's fine by me, and I'd much rather get her than her take a taxi or bus late at night or something which I do think is a bit more dangerous

She has freedom lol, she's never once been stopped from going somewhere, I just wanted to consider it this time. I can assure you she's not being restricted or contained at home haha.

Maybe she will want to move out though with uni changing her mind and that'd be great for her even though she's certain she wants to come back right now. I do also know her so well obviously and she's unlikely to change her mind, but obviously people change and if she does change her mind after seeing what it's like to live independently, as surprising as it'd be, I'd be all there for it

I really don't think I'm a negative person at all just looking for what's best for her to be honest. The world is dangerous so I don't need to ignore those facts, but I obviously understand going to the cinema at night is fine to do now.

Yep but she does also expect me there to be honest. My "fault" as that's just how it always has been, so she doesn't consider anything like a bus etc. unless no one is free, so I'll pick her up whenever she needs it, but I don't find this such a large grievance or anything lol it's absolutely fine by me

It is fine as an evening out and not too late or dangerous. It is unreasonable however to expect a lift home and I do see why you might worry even re a taxi. Would be better if she could stay with her friend.

They’re probably going clubbing under the guise of the cinema ;)

Hey sweel. Its really difficult to let go and to know whats normal and whats too authoritarian or liberal, I think some people have been a bit harsh in their wording with you. Its not negative to be aware of how things can go wrong and to be protective. You sound like a lovely Mum who wants to do the right thing, your daughter will know it comes from a place of love and will remember her teenage years as feeling loved and protected. X

Honestly your anxiety and negativity is very obvious!

Yes your child may have been conditioned through that! I mean your original AIBU was off the wall for a 17 year old.

Good luck, I hope your DD grows wings at Uni lol!

She really should be considering public transport and independence and you as a parent should’ve been encouraging that.

So im not surprised she’s struggling to do those normal things that a 17 year old should take in their stride lol!

I went to Kavos for a week with my friends in the summer after I turned 17!
Unless she’s vulnerable in some sort of way you are being massively overprotective

She's not struggling, she can take a taxi, bus, train fine without any need from me lol

Because of my culture my parents did not let me go out at night not even evening times! Funny how when I went to uni I got on with things never had any issues going out late , getting back late from clubs and they were none the wiser so I get it OP from your perspective. The right thing is let her go and you pick her up but over time she should become more independent for her own good to learn valuable skills.

lol so why do you think she needs to be picked up? Just because it’s late?

Shes 17 and you wanted to stop her seeing a film at the cinema, because it’s late?

Please!

At 17 I was out clubbing out my mates till the early hours 😂

F(67) here. When I was 17 I went Interrailing over the summer. Highly recommended. Six of us girls. Italy, Greece and countries in between.

My friend and I were walking through an orchard (in daylight) and were chased by a dog. I ran faster and friend got bitten. The rest of the holiday, we all waited for her test results to see if she had contracted rabies. (She was fine.)

We slept outdoors in Greece. No tents. I have a photo of us struggling out of our cute English nightgowns into daywear when (presumably) local shepherds approached our camp. (We were fine.)

We arrived in Venice station without having booked into the youth hostel. It was full. We stood in the station, wondering what to do next, looking (presumably) young, innocent and adorable. A bunch of nuns swooped down and took us off to their nunnery, where we slept in a beautiful dormitory with historic vaulting. (We were fine.)

On the train back through Yugoslavia(!) we'd run out of money and food. We survived off dry bread and raw eggs. (We were fine.)

Please let your daughter go to the cinema.

Does she turn into a pumpkin at midnight?

I was off my nut at raves at 17 and my mum had no idea where I was 😁 (not helpful, I know)

Oh wow!! What an adventure!!

Shes an adult. But you shouldn’t have to stay up that late to collect her, dont you have work tomorrow. She should stay over at her friends house.

I guess it’s up to you if you are happy to drive out and collect her. Do you have Uber / Bolt or similar in your area as all of their journeys are tracked so you may feel a bit happier with her taking one of these rides.

I guess this is the kind of question where you need to be the parent of a teenage girl to answer. What we did in our youth isn’t really relevant as times change. I have a DS and he was going to festivals and gigs in different towns requiring staying over, all sorts at 17. But I can see with a girl it’s different.

Thanks! Yes it was.

We had no idea that things would change so much in the last 50 years, in terms of what 17 year old girls might do. My 1970's feminist mother would be unimpressed.

She is an adult and can come and go as she pleases. She has to learn to look after herself. At 17 I was out clubbing till 3 am no I'd was ever asked for then change of clothes and straight to work. All with my 17 year old friend in taxi or public transport

I was dancing on bars in Corfu at 17, you need to let her learn how to take care of herself for her benefit