AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

[sweeel]

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

She’s 17!!! I went to Spain with my friends when I was 17 and that was before mobile phones!

(I was born in 1981 - mobile phones were obviously a thing in the late 90’s but still very basic, simple text and calls only and very expensive to use abroad so I didn’t!)

these types of threads are genuinely unsettling. How on earth are these young adults going to function in society when they’re being hemmed in and overprotected at every turn? Their confidence must be shot.

The entire point of good parenting is to produce a functioning adult - it is NOT to make sure that your offspring never has to problem-solve or experience the slightest risk or discomfort.

It’s arguably as bad to treat a 17 year old like a 10 year old as it is to treat a 10 year old like a 17 year old.

What? The kids I know all take Ubers from 15/16. They’re completely trackable and you can follow in real time. Alternatively if you use a local cab company you generally get to know the drivers. My 16 year old wants to be out and about most nights in the school holidays, usually at friends houses a good 30 mins drive away. I’m certainly not running a midnight taxi service every day, so Ubers it is.

Unfortunately we don't have Ubers, scant taxis and bus services where we are. It is such a luxury when we go to an area where we can call up an Uber.

When I was nearly 16 I travelled from the UK to Italy by coach, so across mainland Europe, on my own.

I thank fuck daily I grew up in the 80s...

In a few months she might be stumbling in the door at 3am. Enjoy knowing where she is. Why on earth would she be unsafe standing outside a cinema. I don't know where it is obviously but busy city centres are usually safe enough with people coming and going out of pubs and clubs. She will be one of those people soon so best she gets used to being out at night.

Does OP have to pick her up? Or insists on picking her up as she’s overbearing.

Can't see this being a thread for Russian bots.

Have they not got bigger fish to fry than whether a teenager gets to go see Spider-Man?

I honestly do have to pick her up in my opinion, she did ask me, and that's cause I collect her whenever I can and I genuinely don't mind.

Fair enough I was being unreasonable about not letting her go to the cinema at this time, but I still believe that letting my teenage daughter into a taxi alone at 12am is just unnerving. I have less of an issue of her doing that with friends and maybe I am paranoid whatever, but if I'm free to get her, then I'll get her.

And whenever she's on public transport etc. before it's at earlier times not at night hence why I was worried.

I do understand that when she's older she'll be doing this anyway but my main thing is that it will always be with friends, she won't be at university and travelling in a taxi alone. If I'm there to pick her up, I'll pick her up, really don't understand the issue although I get that it's also fine for her to take a taxi whatever. Also taxis are expensive so might as well save the money!

It won't always be with friends, though. Will you only feel reassured if she has a travelling companion wherever she goes, for the rest of your life (assuming she outlives you)? You must realise how unhealthy this is.

So when is “older”?

18?
21?

She will of course sometimes be in a taxi alone, how would she go through life not being?

You should be teaching her common sense and safety measures, not picking her up and treating her like a young teen.

She will be living alone within the next few years, what life skills will she have if she can’t get herself home after dark?

Sorry, I think your actions are totally over the top and not preparing your daughter for real life.

@sweeel

what about if she goes on a date with someone? She’ll be going there and back on her own won’t she, she won’t have her mates with her then. There will be other scenarios just like this too. Try to become more comfortable with the idea of your daughter travelling on her own cos I can guarantee it’s going to happen!

@VestibuleWeaver No I will get used to it but considering it's her first time out at 12am, I'm fine to get her. She's still very much a teenager right now

When she's older and does that alone potentially then it's fine, it'll just take a little bit of getting used to, but I'm obviously not going to ban her from taking a taxi home alone at night if she needs to get home and I'm not there.

I have just remembered that when she comes back from concerts late at night, she does come back at about 12am through the tubes and trains etc. but she's always with friends and a big group of people also coming back from the concert to the point that I'm less worried although it did take me a lot of convincing, but I honestly do see this situation is ridiculous now considering she isn't even travelling alone from the cinema so I'm fine with it now

@Pinkchickenwine Well she won't be living alone any time soon, at uni she'll be with flatmates and friends, and then she'll be moving back with us but I do get your point fair enough. Just she's still young right now and a year is a long time and I'll build up to it

@Cherrytree86 I will do yes, the idea of her travelling completely alone is just a little new to me right now. Obviously I get the cinema thing just isn't that serious at all now but travelling alone will take me a bit more time to get used to but I will get used to it!

How on earth do you know she’ll be moving back to yours, that’s for her to decide when she’s finished uni!

And why won’t she be travelling alone in uni? She’ll have dates? So she’s not going to those with mates?

exactly this, OP. She might not want to move back to live with you straight after finishing uni. She might want to move in with mates, or even move away for a year abroad or something. Don’t clip her wings!

p.s living alone as a young woman is fantastic!

@sweeel

It is hard when they grow up but you should have been getting used to it before now.

I think a trip to the cinema is the perfect opportunity for her to try just getting a cab home by herself and sorting it all out herself. Especially as you’ll be around to jump in the car if she can’t get a cab.

The worst time is when she’s at uni, in a club, lost all her new mates, a bit pissed, can’t remember the name of her new halls and has no idea how to order an uber and get herself home!

How do you know she won't? Many 18 year olds ( one of mine included) are travelling around SE Asia alone never mind a bloody taxi

Or even just travelling to and from work. I used to work late evenings at dominos when I was 18 and a student, often finishing at 1am and would get a taxi back home. I had friends who worked at bars etc who would also make their own way home at night. It was more important to have the knowledge of getting back safely alone (eg walking to work in the daylight was fine but avoiding walking back as I knew the streets were really poorly lit at that time and having to go through not the best areas, knowing to book a known and reputable taxi company, texting flat mate that I’d got in taxi and would be back in ten minutes etc etc) than anything else.

Op don't you ever go to the cinema in the evening? I feel certain if you did you'd not be as anxious for dd's safety. What do you think will happen? Especially as you sre collecting her, it's not like she's planning a walk home on her own in the dark.

Parents have always worried but at 17 I'm surprised she hasn't stayed out that late before. I think the ability to track and contact constantly has just raised the levels of anxiety.

Honestly it is likely something you need tk get used to - annoying as the late night / early morning pick ups are igniting goes with the territory if you live in a rural location. Has she started learning to drive to give her more independence?

What now?

Crikey, I was spending all weekend off my tits in illegal raves on the middle of nowhere at that age 🤣

Yes you are unreasonable

She's almost an adult being at the cinema till almost 12 is not that bad

Most kids her age are sneeking in to bars and clubs and doing god knows what else

Think you are sheltering her too much how on earth will you cope when she goes to uni or gets a job