AIBU to refuse to talk to my family about my kids going to private school because it just causes my family to act a bit rude

[mumlifeisunpredictable]

My two DC both attend private school. My DH and I are fortunate enough that we can send our kids to private school and still remain financially comfortable. Obviously it costs a lot to send them both to private school, and that seems to make my family upset.

I've noticed that every single time I mention school at all, my siblings tend to make subtle snide remarks about my financial situation and they tend to go on rants about how private schools are a scam. I can say "My daughter has a school trip on Friday" and one of my siblings will always say "Normal schools have school trips too, I really don't see the point of paying sll that money for no reason." Just comments like that. As its the summer holidays, I just ordered my kids school uniforms, I was at my mums house this morning, my brother was there, and during conversation I mentioned that I had ordered my kids school uniform as it was relevant to the conversation.

Then, as usual, my brother had something to say. He said "Oh their expensive school uniform for their expensive private school." That really annoyed me. So I said that from now on, I'm done talking about my kid school cause I'm sick and tired of everybody's comments.

Apparently I'm being dramatic, according to my brother.

Its a very narrow view if the world to think that anyone who is against private school has a chip on their shoulder

@mumlifeisunpredictable
Jealousy and resentment right there in all its glory
Sod what they say
If shoes were on the other foot
They'd totally rub your face in
Constantly belittle you and give their kids the impression they were so much better than your own

In the first paragraph of your post you mention private school three times. Do you do that a lot?

I wonder if they are jealous.....
I can't get my head round why people think it's fine to criticise those who send their children to private school. It just seems to be acceptable. Other people could be on identical salary but spend their money on new cars, expensive holidays etc and that seems fine!!
Or parents move areas to access better schools to avoid paying private school fees, even though they could afford them!
In an ideal world, we wouldn't have to pay for private education but sadly, that's the only option for some.
My brother and I ended up in private schools - not because of wealthy parents but the cultural isolation we'd have suffered in our allocated state school. (Amongst other dire things.....)
My children are now going into the private system because there aren't any suitable state schools available locally. They have both suffered hugely in the one they have been attending and a localish private school is the only option available. (Homeschooling isn't possible due to my disability).
We are not wealthy and will have to budget to afford this for our children!

Being against private school
for yourself =\ bleating whenever your sister mentions her children’s school and wounds your delicate sensibilities.

If those people don’t want to be seen as having a chip on their shoulder, they should perhaps behave in ways that don’t give that impression.

My bil is like this about the fact that I went to a private secondary. It annoys me as it isn't like it was really up to me anyway.

You mean I wasn't sensitive to their circumstances?

I loathe and detest private schools - I would never, however, tell anyone I know (unless specifically asked) what my views were/areon private education.

It's your choice. I DID have an acquaintance once that basically if you could afford to send your kids to private school (I could have) and didn't, you were basically guilty of child neglect. They, unsurprisingly, couldn't afford to. But no, I do think they are being overdramatic.

Your siblings sound rude and horrible I would not want to spend any time with them.

The schooling is irrelevant being rude to your face about decisions you have taken is rude and disrespectful.

Sounds like jealousy to me and I would be tempted to make similar comments in return every time they comments such as “not this jealous bs again”. They will soon stop if you call it out.

You’re not being dramatic. They’re being consistently rude and critical about one of your major life choices.

Presumably eventually your kids will hear this kind of crap from them as well.

Your siblings sound a bit thick so maybe best to lay it out for them: if they are rude and critical every single time you mention your kids’ school then you’re just not going to talk about it, and obviously that means they’ll know less about you, your kids, your family. That’s their choice to create that distance by constantly criticising you.

We have this with SIL who used to send her DC to private, but changed her ideological stance on it when they couldn’t afford it any longer.

I just ignore her and we’ve pulled right back. Her little snide comments give away her true feelings. It’s no different to any other rudeness, you don’t need to give them any extra grace because it’s private school.

Why would you expect siblings to have the same income?