To think I only really have anger to get compliance from my children

[Summerslams]

Bracing myself here because I know I’m going to attract a certain amount of critical amount of critical comments here, but … I don’t seem to have any way of getting my children to comply with me without getting angry / raising my voice.

Yes, I’ve read the books. I’ve tried telling them what to do not what not to do (they ignore me) two choices (they refuse both) speaking firmly and authoritatively (I might as well be pleading) using praise (they like it but not always helpful in the moment.)

They are five and three. I know three especially can be a tricky age but I hate the fact all I really have at my disposal is anger. (I know I’m going to get ‘what are the consequences’ and if anyone can give me an effective consequence for a three year old I’m all ears!)

I have made them cry for three days in succession and would obviously rather prefer not to do so fir a fourth but I’m really struggling to manage them when they just bloody well ignore me nine times out of ten.

I didn't mean to suggest your house is chaos, sorry if it came across that way. Sometimes I don't explain stuff very well.

All I meant was sometimes there can be things undermining the way that the "standard advice" is meant to work and if you're not aware that it's even an issue then you won't necessarily know to adjust it from the standard advice.

I do find 3 an especially maddening age. This is the most useful thing I've found for this age really - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLh9mgdi4rNeyEGNxBvNdOVlianDYgWuc9

No not at all, it probably sounds like chaos tbf!

Put them in a room for themselves for a bit (use a baby gate). Other child gets all the attention while they're there. Ignore any wailing; you only come back (or let them out) when they're quiet. Then talk about why they were there and ask if they understand. Only when they (calmly) say yes do you let them out.