AIBU to be annoyed by my friends constant bragging?

[dramaticallysurvinglife]

I have a good friend and she has 4 children. And my friend acts like the stereotypical "perfect mum". As in, she could have an instagram account, show her parenting, and everybody would think she is a perfect parents.

Her kids all love reading (Even her 3 year old, who can actually read), she cooks every meal from scratch and has never given them a beige dinner, every snack in her house is home made. No ultra-processed packaged food ever. Her kids do not have ipads and only watch TV a few times a week. Her kids are all well behaved. They very academic. All her kids have age appropriate chores.

But she brags, constantly, like every time I see her she is bragging about how her kids love reading, how they eat anything on their plate, how they've never had a takeaway, that they don't have ipads. Basically just bragging ever single opportunity she gets. And it's starting to annoy me.

My kids are 8 and 5, I cook from scratch a lot but sometimes a quick beige dinner is necessary when I'm too tired. A lot of the snacks we buy are pre-packaged. My kids have an ipad and they use it sometimes. They can read but they aren't advanced readers and reading isn't their hobby. I don't give my kids specifc chores, sometimes I just ask them to help me with a chore and they do.

My friend knows my parenting style and yet she constantly is bragging about her parenting to my face. Like yes we get it. You're the perfect parent.

Am I being unreasonable for being annoyed by her bragging?

Yanbu to feel irritated. All you can do is limit contact, if you find it that bothersome.

Just say ‘give it a rest, we are all different’. She sounds very annoying and performative. Impressed with the reading tho. Actually it used to be the norm for a lot of families.

Your friend sounds a bit strange - most people with very academic kids who love reading would avoid bragging. Mainly because it looks terrible.

Is she bragging or is it general conversation that you’re taking personally because your decisions with your children are so different?

What on earth is a beige dinner?

Stop seeing her she sounds annoying

Chicken nuggets and smiley faces

I don’t have instagram, she sounds tiresome.

Reframe it that she lives through her children and there lies madness as someone a long time out of small children years as are my friends. Lots of marriage breakdowns in relationships when my friends children left home, three of them once the kids left home. Because their entire life had been their children and nothing else had space, they all went a bit loopy with extreme empty nest syndrome.

This is what I thought.

TBH those who never shut up about something are usually a bit insecure.

I’ve got a few friends like that- the one who is worst is the “sporty kid mom.” Her kids are very into sport but I am not sure how much of that is her, or the kids! I make a mental note to myself to time how long it takes her to mention it sometimes 😜It’s usually 5-10 mins, max.

But OTOH she’s been a great friend to me in other ways, she’s had a few obstacles to get past herself, and once we’ve had the sports rundown we have a nice time, so I just consider it to be a foible. I almost view it with affection now!

If I was having a shit time throughout our meet ups I’d probably become extremely busy!

Those who talk too much about things being perfect, things are indeed not perfect behind the scenes.

Poor kids, it sounds like she values their worth on their accomplishments. I grew up with a mother like this. It was horrible, constantly trying to please her and her opinion of what a ‘good’ child looks like.

Why do you refer to her as a 'good friend'? You don't sound as if you even like her.

Standard response:

"Wow. I really don't know how you do it."

Repeat.

“You’re wonderful. You really are.”

Honestly I don’t think she’s much of a friend

She sounds really boring, with no personality, why do you meet up with her?

Basically, it's colourless processed crap like chicken nuggets, chips and hash browns.

I’d limit time with her and gradually not bother but then I’m old and past dealing with people who only want to talk about themselves and how wonderful everything is.

This was my first thought too.

I don't have any kids. I do have friends whose lifestyles / finances / choices are quite different to mine, though, and when they talk about their lives I really don't see it as bragging. One of them might send me photos from her regular trips to her holiday home or share something her kids have achieved because she's rightly very proud of them. One might tell me about the event she's been to with her partner whose job involves events at various incredibly prestigious, historic institutions. But I don't see that as bragging. Just us chatting about our lives. Equally I might tell them about the gorgeous, thoughtful thing my DP did for my birthday - pretty sure my friend who is single doesn't take that as me bragging. Or how I'm doing with a particular thing I'm currently working towards in my spare time and am pretty successful at, or something spontaneous that we can do because we don't kids, etc etc. None of us are trying to score points! We're just talking to each other about our lives.

Is it possible that she isn’t bragging as such but she has touched a nerve?

If you’re sure she is bragging, you could retort with…

I don’t know how you do it
Are you sure Jeremiah/Jocasta actually enjoys doing so much xyz
Or, in extremis…… can you give it a rest

Or just cut in and change the subject.

Tell her or leave her be and distance her. She's making you feel shit as comparison is the thief of joy.

Or you can roll your eyes behind her back and know that even good readers can grow up to be moody teenagers and one day those low upf diets will collide with a night of jaegerbombs and vapes.

She’s not bragging, she’s boring. I have a SIL who over many years hasn’t talked to me about anything other than her children, that I am actually fond of. I bite my tongue to not to engage, I’m kinda proud of mine too but it would seem like bragging! Xx

Just say 'yeah, same' & look bored over and over. I do it with tedious people and it tends to work.

If she keeps repeating the same stuff just act uninterested and say "yeah, I know, you've told me this before".
Is she a good friend otherwise? Do you talk about things besides the kids?

Have you spoken to her about it or just bitched about her behind her back?

Is she insecure/unhappy...thus seeking praise and validation IG? Is her marriage unhappy? Is she s SAHM but finding it tricky to feel of value without work/her own identity and thus trying to achieve "perfect " to give her permission to exist? Has she trauma in her background...which means she is seeking "perfect" to prevent abuse? Or maybe she is just shallow?

Are you a decent friend and close enough to explore these?

Are you a decent person who is not close enough to explore these..but happy to let her do what she does, and carry on as you are and leave the judgemental thoughts aside?

Have you questioned why it makes you feel uncomfortable (I dont think your approach is wrong..but clearly you feel something negative when you compare yourselves..why?)

Of are you just judging her and feeling superior? In which case, you are not a good friend...please leave her be.

Edited for typos