AIBU to be annoyed by my friends constant bragging?

[dramaticallysurvinglife]

I have a good friend and she has 4 children. And my friend acts like the stereotypical "perfect mum". As in, she could have an instagram account, show her parenting, and everybody would think she is a perfect parents.

Her kids all love reading (Even her 3 year old, who can actually read), she cooks every meal from scratch and has never given them a beige dinner, every snack in her house is home made. No ultra-processed packaged food ever. Her kids do not have ipads and only watch TV a few times a week. Her kids are all well behaved. They very academic. All her kids have age appropriate chores.

But she brags, constantly, like every time I see her she is bragging about how her kids love reading, how they eat anything on their plate, how they've never had a takeaway, that they don't have ipads. Basically just bragging ever single opportunity she gets. And it's starting to annoy me.

My kids are 8 and 5, I cook from scratch a lot but sometimes a quick beige dinner is necessary when I'm too tired. A lot of the snacks we buy are pre-packaged. My kids have an ipad and they use it sometimes. They can read but they aren't advanced readers and reading isn't their hobby. I don't give my kids specifc chores, sometimes I just ask them to help me with a chore and they do.

My friend knows my parenting style and yet she constantly is bragging about her parenting to my face. Like yes we get it. You're the perfect parent.

Am I being unreasonable for being annoyed by her bragging?

Hmm... so im a bit wary of other people's definitions of 'showing off'

If im honest, i have encountered in my life a subset of people who have a weird 'take them down a peg' attitude towards other people. So someone shares good news to people and are then designated as 'showing off' when they are just sharing good news in life, because you are expected to downplay achievement as not a big deal. Woe betide you if you tell more than one person about good news, as thats then 'banging on about it'. If you are getting married or having babies however, this must be discussed endlessly. But getting a good new job, one of your kids doing well in school, any other personal achievements that arent married or babies and you are SHOWING OFF.
Its the same attitude as 'so you think you're better than us' and 'she's a snob (because she doesnt like the same things as us and likes things that we consider 'posh')

An ex friend of mine complained endlessly about her sister in law and how much she 'showed off' about her job, I ended up spending time with the SIL and she just had a brilliant job that she really enjoyed and was really interesting, so if you asked how she was she'd say 'great, we did this really exciting thing at work last week' and tell you about it, whilst also asking after you. I relayed this to my friend who rolled her eyes and said 'there we go, showing off again about how amazing her job is'. Surely its just conversation based on positive stuff?!?

Im not saying thats what you are doing, OP, but I do find it interesting how we all differ in our interpretations!

I suppose there is a line people draw between sharing good news and their children’s achievements and being a pain about it all and making everyone else feel bad or inadequate because they do it differently to them.

I have a friend like this, we are wildly different, she also has lots of kids, and everything is always perfect. The kids, their recent camping holiday (my worst nightmare) and just their general ‘perfect’ lives. What I have found is that the people who ‘brag’ the most are almost trying to convince themselves of something, and they are actually quite insecure - things aren’t always as they are made out to be.

Depending on how close you are and if you actually like her, I would let it go over my head. Either that or say something like ‘eurgh that sounds exhausting let them live a little and give them a chip once in a while’ !!

Well, if it’s true then good on her. I’m sure she’ll have a special place in Heaven. 🙄

I have a friend a bit like this, and I don’t think she’s bragging exactly. If I said what she says, I’d definitely be bragging, but she seems to lack a key piece of social awareness. It’s like she’s completely oblivious about reading the room.

So she’s just filling me in on what’s going on in her life right now. I don’t really mind when it’s just the two of us, because I can see that there’s no edge to it, but I cringe if we’re in a group.

I’m probably more inclined to be tolerant because I worked with a lot of kids who had social deficits because of autism, and you can only teach them so much when their brains just don’t get the nuances, so you hope they’ll meet people who’ll interpret them kindly when they grow up and lose the advantage of being young and cute,

Is she bragging though, or just talking about something she's happy about? As in if she's making posts saying she's the only mum in the world to have her kids reading at 3, that's an issue. Just talking a friend about what she's doing isn't the same.

Every time she brags about her perfection one word is needed 'Really?' and raised eyebrows.
Years ago we knew someone like this, she described a long journey where their children were perfectly behaved in the car, they didn't hit any traffic, they were first off the ferry. However her husband described the same journey, the children were whining and fighting from the off, they hit every traffic jam between home and the coast and they were trapped behind someone who'd lost their car keys so were almost off the ferry.
In her kitchen she was saying about everything was home made, she never bought ready made food, he walked into the kitchen with a box of Birds Eye burgers for the barbecue.

It is not terrible for a child to enjoy reading or be academic (quite the opposite). It looks terrible to boast about it, particularly if it is to a friend whose children may not be doing too well. Thinking along the lines of saying, on hearing that a friend’s child did badly in a particular test, “Oh Perpetua never has that trouble! We just have to stop her studying - she is So. Motivated! We expect she’ll sit Maths A level four years early - just for fun!”. This sort of thing just isn’t okay.

Has she got any other chat, or is this it?

Time to get a new friend.
X

Do the people bragging know that your children have additional needs?

“I know this (Clare) because you tell me every time we meet. Is there a reason why you mention it constantly- is there a problem you want to talk about”?

Something like that usually shuts the braggers down. Or just ignore her comments and stare out of the window until she’s finished her latest bragging session.
I couldn’t stand it and just took the piss out of friends who did it once I got to the ‘bored shitless’ stage.

I couldn't be around that.
She sounds like a boring pain in the arse.
I would avoid her going forward.

I only ever met one mother like this. To say she got under my skin is an understatement. Perfect kids, really organised. Kids were super intelligent. She didn't like to drop any balls.I used to time how long it would take her to mention she had a 4 bedroomed house to people. We weren't even friends she was just another school Mom but she annoyed the life out of me. Just wanted to humble her but she would not admit any weakness in her parenting. I like a down to earth laugh about it all. I thought am I jealous of this person because if I was to tell someone how I felt that's what they'd say. Then I admitted to myself I guess I am a bit jealous of her always seeming to have it all together. Then I thought but would change my life to hers. Absolutely not. I enjoy being chill and my kids being a bit off the wall. I enjoy laughing at myself and not taking myself too seriously. Im happy with some beige dinners. So I literally stopped being annoyed at her and thought let her crack on. She's not my cup of tea but I'm not hers either and that's ok. I've already got my clan on the level. So just smile and nod these days and forget she exists.

The kid can’t read at 3, they’ve memorised books.

Lets see how smug she is in the teenage years

I was reading at 3 @Gengha. As was my older son.

That’s not true. Our youngest could read at 3. He loved it. I have video of him in our garden at 3 and 3 months reading all of the high frequency words (yes, I printed them all out and laminated them and made it into a game for him 😂)

No, he didn’t turn into some sort of genius savant. He just loved reading.

I’d say ye are just chatting but you’re reading into what she says. I had a friend who used to tell me about all her wins and I later had her tell me once how I was so lucky my kids did x y and z (being chatty to her when she saw them, not wanting social media, coming out on walks/ hikes with us). She said god I’m so crap s as kd my jaw fell on the floor. We both laughed that we thought the other was so amazing and we were so crap!!!

Gengha

Just wanted to add to the could read at 3 brigade, means nothing, books are my happy place but I’m not particularly bright, had to work crazy hard in school and couldn’t handle most of the admin jobs I’ve ever had so am now happy in retail but struggling financially! But I’m happy I have books!!

It sounds more boring than anything.who wants to listen to this type of bragging all the time? Sounds like she’s trying to convince herself it’s all great.
Is Op coming back ?

Agree with this - she might not be bragging but trying to talk about her day/week which involved some of these things. I think you might be being a little sensitive about it because you feel guilty (needlessly from the sounds of it!) but owning that and stepping back might be wise. You need to see why you are struggling with someone talking about their own life with you as boasting. Do you feel like this when you go to someone's house which is nicer or bigger too?

I was reading at three.

And no, I wasn't memorising books - I was able to read words in new books, and on signs and things when we were out and about.

I don't think it's hugely unusual.

The problem here is that she is a better parent than you and that makes you uncomfortable.

I think there are many ways to be a good parent - not all good parents are the same.

Well look our jobs as parents is to bring up independent adults. There is no perfect way to parent. I’ve seen plenty of adults who have failed to launch because their parents focussed on the wrong things, over indexed on stuff rather than having a balance.