People asking if I'm pregnant (but it's just my fat tummy)

[NorthernPaws]

I'm 49, and have put on some weight through my 40s and it mainly goes on my belly. Had 2 kids but that was in my early 30s so it's not even post-baby weight. I feel like my arms and legs look slim, but my tummy is big. I'm definitely not pregnant, but I've been asked a few times by aquaintances whether I am. It's happened quite a few times this year. AIBU to think it's a rude question?! I wouldn't dare ask someone unless I was sure!
It has made me feel that I really need to join a gym, but I don't know if exercises can particularly shrink belly fat or whether I just need to eat less. I do eat pretty healthily.
So AIBU to think that you should never ask someone if they're expecting unless you can 100% see that they are actually pregnant. Or should I not take it so personally?

I am definitely in the “don’t say anything unless the other person confirms pregnancy” camp. I couldn’t cope with the level of embarrassment if I was wrong.

I’ve had this body type all my life, even when I’m slim I’ve got a bit of belly pooch and it’s sometimes led to assumptions. With the added insult that I don’t even have kids! Yes people should know better than to comment but often, it seems, they don’t. I try not to let it take up headspace. Just say briskly ‘no I’m not pregnant’ and watch them squirm.

I’m sorry people said that to you. It’s definitely rude to ask women if they’re pregnant unless it’s blindingly obvious. I know someone who had a disease that caused bloating who was regularly asked this and it was mortifying to her.

At 49 it’ll be the peri menopause bulge/bloat. They are rude to ask. I’d never ask anyone. I made a huge mistake when I met a friend and she’d already had the baby, I asked if her time was near. It had only been two weeks. Mortifying.
At least they think that you are young enough to get pregnant.
I heard peppermint tea helps.

Thanks yeah I agree! I would be embarrassed to get it wrong too.
Some of the people who have asked were embarrassed to get it wrong, but not all of them.
Also, I personally don't think I look that pregnant.... but it has got me paranoid now that maybe these people are so confident they they're right and that's why they ask because they think I look sooooo far gone!

So rude ! No one should ever ask this. Basic manners.

I actually did it years ago when I was younger. Sorry. 😔

I honestly thought the person was pregnant and asked haw long she had 😬

Thank you for the peppermint tea idea. Yes it does feel like bloating sometimes, it is always there a bit mind you but some days I feel like it swells and sticks out more.
That is a nice point you made that it shows that they still see me in that age bracket lol, maybe I should be glad of that.

It absolutely could just be peri/meno bulge, but looking pregnant isn’t normal. I don’t mean to be alarmist in any way but please do see if you can get a transvaginal ultrasound just to rule out ovarian cancer. It often has no symptoms at all, but looking pregnant can be a sign.

@NorthernPaws people can usually tell if it’s a pregnancy or just fat. So if you do actually look pregnant there may be something else going on. You should probably see your GP.

@GirlInTheDryShirt and @sitwiththeemotion oh dear I feel a bit worried now but I will take your advice on board, I am seeing a doc soon anyway about getting HRT so it will be a chance to bring it up.

I would mention it to your doctor.
I had an appointment a few weeks ago.Thought it was IBS.My doctor is amazing and sent me for a load of tests.I get regular bloating and pain.
All came back fine, it is IBS.
She told me a sign of ovarian cancer can be persistent bloating that doesn't go away.Good luck

I looked up the symptoms of ovarian cancer just now and I don't have the other symptoms that they describe for it, but I will still make sure I mention it to the doc.

That’s good. Definitely bring it up.

About 10 years ago I was getting stomach swellings, so much so, we bought many pregnancy tests. Each time though, my stomach would shrink back to normal size again by the next day. I didn’t think too much of it tbh. Then out of the blue I was hospitalised from a perforated stomach ulcer. It turns out I had stomach ulcers for quite sometime and one burst after eating a hot chilli. They were all clipped and after antibiotics I was sent on my way. Since then I’ve never had a swelling.

Best get yourself checked.

I bloody hate it every month. The breathing in when you go out. It's so uncomfortable.

I have this op worse before im due on.

I think a lot of women have experienced being asked (when they aren't). If you look around many women have a tummy.

If it was possible for men to get pregnant there would be a tonne of them as contenders! Luckily there's gets written off as a beer belly...

Certain food intolerances can make you bloated too. Also endometriosis etc. So I wouldn't panic about ovarian cancer or anything extreme.

I can put on a pair of size 12 trousers when I'm not bloated and they just fit nicely. Forget it when I've got the bloats. I bought some shape wear from Amazon but it's uncomfortable. I have just adapted to wearing certain clothes around this time. You're not alone @NorthernPaws

My friend had lost weight and still had a big tummy, and she had a huge fibroid. So it’s worth getting checked out.

On the other hand, my cousin had lost weight and still had a big tummy, and was 8 months pregnant without realising it (she was still having periods). So watch out!!

I had this and it was a large ovarian cyst. Definitely mention it to the doctor.

Well this was meant to be a light hearted thread about how people can seem rude by asking if a woman is expecting, I didn't expect actual health conditions to be suggested but I do appreciate people bringing them up. I had honestly not thought of there being a medical reason for my big belly. I will push to get checked as I have learned from you guys, hopefully this thread might be useful to others for that reason too.

Who are these total fucknuts asking if you’re pregnant? Surely it’s not something you ask; you wait to be told?

This happened to me a couple of times in my late forties. I was really upset by the first time as it was in a meeting in a quiet room full of other women sat around a table and they all stared at me while I went red and said ‘no, and you should never ask someone that’.

Sadly the woman who’d asked (who was in her sixties and should have known better) just doubled down and said it was because of the way I was sitting and because I was wearing a pinafore type dress….I put my stuff in my bag, walked out and cried all the way back to my hotel.

I’m 55 now and having put weight on am even bigger than I was then, but clearly too old to be pregnant so nobody has asked. I wear loose tops and wide trousers now and feel I look more in proportion (and the belly less obvious) than ten years ago when my style was pinafores and fitted shirts.

The gym has definitely helped my tummy OP! I also think I still have separated abdominal muscles from having children, have you ever seen a women’s health physio?

Menopause definitely does not help the bloat but HRT is great and has long term benefits.

OP! I was going to start almost the same thread today!

im on holiday at moment in the US with my DH and my teen DC.

DH and I were browsing around a furniture shop yesterday and the DC had gone back to the hotel.

i was wearing shorts and a vest top that was a bit tight but nothing obscene. We’d had a carb heavy lunch of American proportions and it was way more food than I’m used to having so I was feeling pretty bloated and probably touched my stomach a few times.

We ended up buying a few things and as DH was paying the lady asked him “so when’s the baby coming”. I was browsing some other stuff so I pretended not to hear but I heard DH sound confused and tell her there’s no baby, we have teenagers etc.

Absolutely mortified!

So I DO have separated stomach muscles as my DC are twins and I had a c section; my stomach has never recovered and I’ve always looked a bit pregnant since they were born. I usually wear loose fitting tops, I won’t be wearing that vest top again.

I’m otherwise slim, only weigh 9 stone and I’m 5’6”, the rest of me is pretty toned and fit. I am 48! The only saving grace is that she clearly thought I was young enough to have a baby which is pretty funny really. Also DH to his absolute credit has been kind enough not to mention this to me. He thinks I didn’t hear the lady. Bless him.

Worst thing is that we bought a small lamp from there for our hallway, I’m not going to be able to see the lamp without remembering this am I? Any tips to help me forget?!