Is Mumsnet some people’s entire life? Or at least social life?

[Gerbills]

Don’t get me wrong, I love Mumsnet and have been using the site for many, many years. But I do still have a life outside of Mumsnet too, as I’m sure most other posters do too.

But there seems to be a number of posters, maybe just a handful who name change, for whom Mumsnet appears to be their entire life.

They get what seems genuinely upset when a poster doesn’t come back to a thread. Or they get affronted and furious when a poster doesn’t act on their advice and immediately block someone/leave a partner/go no contact, and they harass the poster with ‘what are you going to do about this then?’

They post over and over again, reiterating their view point in an increasingly rude manner, and become upset when an OP is rude back. I’ve seen one where a poster says that she’s been reasonable until now but is running out of patience with an OP who is reading the thread but not telling everyone the ins and outs of her life.

It is so bizarre. It’s just a chat forum. Comment, don’t comment. But you don’t know the person you’re talking to from Adam and it is so strange to get so deeply involved in a thread that you are rude to someone because they won’t tell you everything and do exactly what you think they should.

YANBU
link to the post so we can see if can guess who it is, sounds like delicious tea!

It’s numerous posts. It seems to be the same people on lots of different posts all acting the same way.

Some people lose all perspective and take it very personally

I know that if life is going OK then i can treat MN as just a leisure interest. But if I'm feeling low and stressed and worried in general MN is really bad for my mental health and i get to the point where i delete my account or take a short break.

So I think i agree with you that for people like myself who live quite an isolated life MN does become too obsessive and plays too big a role in it. The trick is to recognise that and take a step back when necessary

I wouldn't say it was my 'entire life' - I have a husband and a full time job - but it's one of the few places I can speak more or less freely, without worrying too much what people think of my opinions.

I don't think I have ever harangued anyone for not coming back to a thread or for ignoring advice. It is frustrating if you've taken the time to give detailed advice and get no reply or even a 'thanks' reaction - but that's the chance you take on a forum. I've probably unintentionally missed responses to my posts sometimes.

I do read some posts and cant quite fathom how some people get far too invested, those who get project massively when the post suggests nothing of the sort.

Well I do have chatgpt too

I do sometimes wonder if Nicola Horlick is on here under various user names. Or perhaps some people have 48 hours in a day. These are the only explanations I have in light of what some say they do and are responsible for on a daily basis while still finding time to write dozens of often quite long posts each day.

Yes on the higher ed board there’s one poster who seems to be a know it all and seems to have had a dozen kids studying whatever subject is being discussed! None currently though so not sure why so invested.
I comment on a variety of threads as I pop in and out during the day - for example I’m frying some mushrooms now so have a couple minutes!

It is interesting to hear from someone this applies to. Definitely good to take a step back sometimes.

It’s interesting, because I had no idea people commenting would ever expect a reply or thanks. I comment on people’s posts and then forget about it.

It’s been a useful outlet for me this past week laid up recovering from surgery, I’ve been on here way more than usual 😂 I’ve had real life in person visitors but I’m bored of telly, can’t always focus for long periods of time to get stuck into books and I love my family and their relentless enthusiasm to check on me to see if I’m okay but I have enjoyed a bit of MN escapism!
But I know what you mean, some people do seem massively invested from time to time - I have been here for over a decade but don’t generally take any notice of names so never really recognise posters though so no idea if it’s the same people getting irate!

Possibly, yes. I'm on long-term sick leaave so it probably is the case for me for the next 3 or 4 months. Not that I have the energy for all the tit-for-tatting that you see. When you find someone seems triggered by your post it'e best to walk away.

There are some very educated, well informed and ( sadly sometimes) over-engaged people and it's good when people can give thorough answers if its a subject that benefits from properly researched responses. How people get engrossed in threads about the dynamics of different people's relationships is beyond me. Aint nobody got time for that, surely.

Unfortunately I think it probably is some people life due to extreme loneliness. Talking online is better than not talking at all.

I think anyone who has spent any time at all on the Higher Ed board knows exactly who this is! 😆

You don't know what posters' personal circumstances are. I've had snarky comments about how often I post. Bothered? Not.

I'm autistic and find it much easier to "speak" on here than I do in real life.

I spend a lot of time on here too. It’s not about the amount of posts, it’s the over investment and the strange, immediate rudeness.

Well yes the deliberately nasty and accusatory posts from posters with no traceable history to their user names are really quite upsetting. And they are quite often the first posts on a thread

No matter how over invested I've got in a thread or topic i have never stooped so low as to just go onto a thread to hurl bile or deliberately bad advice at an OP.

Apart from the hygiene/cleanliness insanity, I must admit, within reason, I do use MumsNet as a weather vane for opinions on various subjects 😳

And yet you've started a whole thread about it

It's not just MN. It can happen on any online forum or group. There is even a term for it "chronically online".

I can fall into it a bit, although less so now I am older. It has been the majority of my social interaction at times although I made a conscious decision a few years ago to prioritise IRL interactions/relationships. That changed the way I interact on forums, I am much less likely to get involved on emotionally charged threads now.

I don't expect a response to comments though or harangue people and I have never done that. I think that is almost a different (perhaps overlapping?) thing where people are creating a combination of a parasocial relationship with this character they have never met, so they feel personally invested in the outcome like they would for a close friend or family member, and/or experiencing a thread as though it is a sort of dramatic narrative (like a book you can't put down/TV programme you can't wait for the next episode) but that they are partly in control of it, almost like a choose-your-own-adventure novel or a computer game.

I spend far more time on here than I should and its my one doomscrolling vice. I often think about coming off it.

I definitely have a life though: probably too much going on. Its just a nice dip in and out respite.

The other draw for me is I can have honest conversations about genuinely controversial things without hurting people. I have genuinely close friends but I don’t necessarily want to reveal my deepest thoughts about (for example) home education or my views on a particular political party.

A really close friend who used to be my go-to for discussions about politics has gone down a scary rabbit hole recently and I can’t go there with her. This is a place where I can have calm but impassioned conversations and not risk a friendship.

There is a disproportionate number of misanthropes on here. You can get some very distorted ideas of what's normal when you forget this and then you start to think that you're a weirdo for doing things like answering the doorbell or talking to strangers.

That’s probably all the same person. There’s a mentally unwell woman that gets banned usually several times a day and constantly makes new accounts. She must have gone through many hundreds by now. She notoriously loves to attack and goad OPs so she will often jump in first and post multiple times back to back just being nasty. She also invents things wildly and seems convinced that she’s correct.

If you see any posts like that just report them with a note saying “Is this the banned user/troll/whatever” and the mods typically delete all the posts associated with that account.