Husband …we are not shopping today ..Aibu ?

[inkyspells]

Today me and my OH are going for drinks and food in a city around 30 mins train from our city.
I am at a concert on Friday and there’s a shop that has a top I’m looking for (we don’t have the shop in our city ) I plan on wearing it for the concert.
I checked and it’s in stock
So I said I’m just gonna pop in and grab it
He said “no we aren’t shopping today ,your off work all week ,go and get it another day “
I told him I know we aren’t shopping ,I just want this specific top.
Im literally walking past the shop to get to the area with the pubs.
So now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow (1 hour travel there and back ,plus another train fare”

Aibu to be a bit annoyed ?
I asked him again and he went in a mood so I just said fine il go another day.

Why did you do what he said and not what you wanted to do? He's not yoyr boss he's your partner. If he can't be reasonable, fuck him. It's his behaviour that's outrageous.

YANBU to be annoyed, but YABU to be a lame duck.

YABU to have not just popped in and bought it anyway.

YANBU to be annoyed.

You didn't need his permission, he's not your boss, the fact you travelled all that way and didn't just get the top is baffling to me.

Your DH sounds like a moody, sulky arse. Has he any redeeming qualities?

Oh men love to be the boss don't they?

Feel like there’s more to this that we’re not getting.

This, YABU for not just going in and getting the top anyway. Odd behaviour from both of you.

Voted YABU for you letting him dictate to you and him being so controlling

Dh is a prick even more so op as you knew the top you wanted even if you wanted a browse so what.
I must be a rare breed I love shopping with DW whether if its for either of us.

This …. Without the “I love you “

I did too before I was told there was a back story. Lesson learned!

Why do you need his permission? If it was as easy as you said it was, I would have just said - oh by the way, I’m just popping into this shop on the way for a top I’ve ordered. It will only take a couple of minutes. I voted yanbu but at the same time this could have been handled a lot differently.

Do you perhaps have a “one more thing” habit? As in, you’re supposed to be spending a day together and you just want to stop off for one thing… and oh maybe we should try that other shop to compare… and while we’re here… and just one more thing…

There may be context to his attitude!

I would have said you go and get a table and text me where you are and I will meet you.

I think his attitude is appalling.

But I can sort of see his point, depending on specifics. If you'd be literally in the shop, pick your top up, pay and leave then he's being a dick. But if you're anything like my friends and would have a browse, be sidetracked by seeing something they like etc which results in being in there a while, I really get it. I hate shopping. My friends know I hate shopping. My husband knows I hate shopping. So they shop when I'm not with them.

Even if there was a "one more thing habit" it's not on the DP to veto the OP popping into a shop they're walking past. He doesn't get to prohibit her from doing this. He can control his own decisions in response, and set a boundary, such as, I will continue on to the place we had planned and wait for you for half an hour, then I'll make my own plans for the rest of the day if you don't join me as you're shopping.

Not, you are not allowed.

Well he can wait 10 mins for you to go in and get it.

Or you can go out on your own and have a much better time

You weren’t asking him to shop though. I’d hardly describe popping in to buy a top that you’d already decided you wanted as shopping!
He sounds very controlling and if you continue to give in to his demands, you are giving him permission to demand.

So much context left out it's truly nuts how anyone can give you solid advice.

Is this normal for you to do unscheduled shopping with him? Sure he doesn't like shopping, most men don't. You know this already. Did you understand that you are actually shopping when you buy something? Have you had examples with him in the past where you say you'll only be a minute and it last much longer? Does he truthfully have a reason to demand you do it on your time and not on shared time with him?

Context matters. Most of the replies you are getting don't.

That's just plain nasty! No other way to put it.

It concerns me that you are asking this question. You have a problem that is so much larger than a top. You seem to genuinely not recognize controlling behavior. Find help. Look for women's groups on breaking free from controlling partners. Start individual therapy, too. Pay attention to what everyone is saying on here. His behavior is so obvious, we all saw him in a few sentences. That is a VERY big problem.

Either you have form for going into shops for 10minutes and don’t come out for an hour

or

I am presuming these drinks you were going for were of the alcoholic kind.
Would you be delaying your dh from getting to his first drink.

Have met others like this. Nothing had to get in the way of getting to that first drink
Slippery slope to alcoholism. (Worked bar for years)

There certainly is. Read her previous threads.

I hate shopping too but someone popping into a shop wouldn't bother me. The only justification for his response in my eyes is if you have form for saying you are popping into one shop and then end up going into them all.

OP. Do feel overwhelmed by all the advice you have received here?

I'm sure we would all like to know (well I would anyhow) just how you are going to proceed. I, along with countless others do hope you have the balls to get the garment you want, and to tell him where to get off.

Please update us.

I was thinking this, they always seem to kick off if it doesn’t suit their plans. I’d be running for the hills if I was OP, you shouldn’t have to ask permission for anything or be told that you can go in another day x

Oh please do find something proper to worry about if uou must worry. Just go into the shop and purchase it. On your way past. Just get him told.