Aibu to think that life is just you doing what every else wants and never being happy?

[Potatoread]

I don’t know if I’m being really selfish or unreasonable but I’m really exhausted by the expectations placed on me by everyone.

I work in a really busy and stressful job, 40 hours a week.

I live with my partner who has half custody of his children (both under the age of 6).

My mum and dad live two hours away.

I have 2 friends. One lives an hour away, the other 4 hours away.

I find my life extremely suffocating. Don’t get me wrong, I know I chose this life and I have only just started feeling like this recently.

There’s an expectation from my parents that I will see them weekly. And I WANT to see them. The journey there and back kills me, I’m exhausted. Yesterday I had to travel there as it was my brothers birthday and there was the expectation I’d stay late into the evening to celebrate. Didn’t get home until 10:30pm. Today, I have to do work this morning and then my friend is wanting to see me. Partner has a football match 2 hours away and will probably want me to go and watch him.

Parents were upset that I didn’t stay later last night and sent me messages saying they were worried about my wellbeing and I didn’t look well, encouraging me to speak to them.

Partner will get upset that I’ve spent yesterday with my parents and today with my friend (if I do go). He’ll say he’s exhausted and needs a break. He’s now in between jobs and so he’s been off for 2 weeks and doesn’t start his new (part time) job until September.

I get told that everything I’m doing is not done “right” - brother puts pressure on me to see him and my parents very regularly, if I don’t, I’m not prioritising them. Partner puts pressure on me to be at home with him a lot, and if I don’t I get told I’m “tapping out of family life”

Partner can make plans to do what he wants but I’m expected to tag along or support him, ie the football matches.

I just feel like I’m drowning, I never get even half a day to do what I want to do. I’ve taken to saying I’m working late and just spend the time walking around the city centre, maybe getting a coffee and just building myself up to go home.

The house is constantly a mess. There’s no effort of making the house nice for me when I get home, can’t remember the last time someone made me a meal.

I feel guilty that at the weekends I want out the house, but then when I’m out I feel overwhelmed with guilt and feel I need to get home. Last night I thought partner would want me home but when I got in he was just playing video games and we sat with him doing that til we fell asleep.

I don’t feel loved. I don’t feel anything. We had an argument two weeks ago about something he did and I was too exhausted to even sort it out properly just snapped back to him talking to me normally.

I’m back at work tomorrow. And the whole week starts again. I’m so exhausted. If I sleep too much I get told I’m wasting the day, if I’m not full on chatty I get told I’m moody, if I go out I get told I’m selfish.

Anyone else feel like this

Your partner doesn’t seem to be bringing anything to the table OP .
Walking around the city to build yourself up to go home , not good .
If you don’t feel loved or appreciated ( and I don’t blame you ) , time to walk away .

You need to have a serious chat with your parents aswel , also that brother of yours .
How come they can’t travel to see you ?
Contact them today, explain everything to them like you have done here .
Time to look after yourself OP , & feel happy again .
Good luck with it all x

I would suggest visiting your parents once a month

Then you could start your own hobby on the weekend

Start doing things for yourself

Time to put yourself first until you are feeling more capable of engaging with your family and friends. Work is, I expect for you as for most of us, is non-negotiable. The rest is ALL negotiable. Yes, we should spend time with all the people who love us and whom we love but those same people would understand a break in the pattern if they really knew how torn in different directions you are. I haven't spoken about your Partner as I think the approach there should be different - more along the lines of what does he bring to my life and is it time to rethink that altogether. Wishing you well, OP.

Oh OP you need a hug from your friend and then to embark on a new way of living.
Find a way to extract yourself with the least pain and financial ramifications but do this quickly. Your ‘partner’ is a selfish, lazy manipulator who will only get worse and his children are learning these same traits so do not be persuaded otherwise.
You deserve to be happy and to fill your spare time doing things you genuinely enjoy. Good luck 🌻

You there OP? Is any of this resonating?

Ditch the "partner". Useless sack. You'll find your life immediately improves!

This is the reason why people like me stay single (or get divorced) and remain child free.

You don’t have to see your parents weekly. Why do they have this expectation? This is what phones are for.
You don’t have to do what your partner wants all the time either.
Start saying no. People will be surprised at first but then will get used to it.

You have multiple issues.

You're a people pleaser who doesn't set boundaries. You prioritize your partner instead of yourself. You're spreading yourself too thin between you full time work, your partner who has you being a nanny, and your parents. You're fulfilling their expectations instead of yours.

This is burn out. That's where you emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted from all the stress you're under. No one here prioritizes you. You've burnt out trying to fulfill all those demands all the time and expectations and it won't improve without you doing something about it.

Your partner is lazy as fuck and needy and using you as nanny and maid and isn't even fucking working but still complaining how exhausted he is. He doesn't want you seeing friends. There is no care for you there. He wants a gf appliance. You'd be better off without him. This relationship drains you.

Your parents are needy expecting you to do a 4 hour drive weekly. Tell them you have to drop the visits to twice a month. You need downtime and to do some things for yourself.

You have to set boundaries with the people and situations that are constantly draining you.

Therapy for the people pleasing.

Draw a line under the whole mess, set yourself a schedule that works for YOU, and tell everybody concerned that this is how it will be from now on, if Dp doesn't like it he can leave, if family don't like it - tough! they can whinge from afar. You cannot clone yourself to be in so many places at once, so they accept what you can do.

Leave your partner, op, he's making you unhappy, that will be half your problem solved, he's really not bringing anything positive to your life

You really don't need this life! Get rid of partner. How old are you?

Make two lists.
Things you have to do, which includes the work that pays your bills, the things that keep you healthy physically and mentally, and your essential commitments to others that if you didn't do them would cause them serious detriment.
Then, things you want to do, for you, to give you pleasure.
Anything not on these lists, decide you're not going to do anymore.
Then look at the two lists and think where each item could be as efficient and streamlined as possible. Can your work stress be relieved, eg, if your workload is unreasonable? Is it the right job for you? Can you see your parents fortnightly instead..? And so on.

Great advice, spot on 👍 hope you're ok OP x

It should go without saying that no, life should not be like that, and let me add that you (and everyone) deserves better. We find it hard to let go of the things we have invested in, but once we do we can finally breathe again. I've been is a relationship I should have left years in but let go on for a decade. Imagine a decade more of your life. Can you bear it? If not, the time to decide is now.