Next doors child always in my house

[Kidsalwayshere]

As per my username (name changed for this), the kid is always here!!
Next door have a great granddaughter (a few grandchildren actually) but one has been coming every day since last weekend. She is being bought over by her grandmother who she is with for the week (the actual parents are not very involved).
They’ll pull up in the car, drop her off to her great grandparents, stay a bit, tell her to knock for our son and drive off saying “we’ll be back in an hour”. The purpose of the trip is for her to spend time with her great grandparents but at this point she doesn’t see them 10 mins before she’s with us.
My son likes playing with her, but I’ve had enough! It’s 6 days in a row now. Sometimes we just want to do nothing. She comes in and says “ I want a drink”. She has literally come from next door. She asks “are you going anywhere today and tomorrow.” And if we say yes, we get “why are you always out”. She asks why our car wasn’t there at certain times. I feel spied on 😂
I feel like I’m being used for child care at this point and whilst she is a kid, surely the adults are not that cheeky… are they?! They’re normally ok neighbours (the man can be moody and shouty and I knew their son from back in the day, he’s horrible, been in jail a few times, that’s another story!).

At the start of the week I was giving her dinner as well, I’ve stopped that. She gets squash and whatever snacks my son has out. Foot down last night and said she needed to go home when my son was having his tea as we were having a quiet night. I had “can I stay for tea. Can we play after tea”. I said no and walked her back.
Aaannnnd here she is again.. dropped off, her grandmother has driven off and her great grandparents have no responsibility over her.
Just needed to vent!
AIBU to say tomorrow, nope, she’s not coming in and my son isn’t playing with her, or is that shit? My son does have a busy morning tomorrow, plans with school friends, but I see that car pull up and think ffs, again!
My son did go in next door once but it’s very much an older persons house, no toys, disabled adaptions so it’s not fun for them. I can see why she wants to come here but why don’t the adults responsible organise fun things for her then?!?

To add im happy when my son has friends over, he’s got lovely little pals, and he goes over their houses as well, but 6 days in a row of “I need a drink, where have you been, where will you be tomorrow” is getting to me! Thanks for reading, if you read it all.

It’s important to have boundaries. Just say not today!

Are they literally dumping her on your doorstep and driving off without saying a word?

I would walk her back over next time and explain you have plans today.

How old is the great grand parent? Are they letting her visit you because they can't manage a small child? I'd be taking her back to theirs and make it clear that 6 days is more than enough. Why have you put up with this?

Every single time!

Without saying a word to us yes. They walk in next door, see the great grandparents, they’re there for 10 mins then she’s knocking on my door or my son hears her talking and says “xxxx is here” and I feel like a bitch because he’s happy but I just feel great, here is a few hours is getting drinks and answering questions!
Before driving off yesterday she said “you’ve got an hour” but obviously that meant she’s got an hour until she came back. We could take her back next door at any time but that would mean she’s would be with her great grandparents for that hour. Isn’t that the point of the visit ! To see their great granddaughter.
Saying that, they don’t have a relationship with their other granddaughter so that should tell me everything really.
But no, she doesn’t confirm with us if she can come in for an hour or at all

I am putting up with this because my son is happy to play with her. It’s me who is pissed off

You are the adult. You just have to say, in a patently way, as you would speak to your DD, “it’s time for you to go home/to your grandparents/back next door, DS has things to do and can’t play with you today”.

How old are they? The only reason she comes to yours is because you and her great grandparents allow it. She is at no fault at all, she is a child. She asks what you consider to be intrusive questions because you let her. Strike up a conversation with her. You are even within your rights to ask her why she comes over everyday.

You are not being used as child care. You as the adult must instil the boundaries.

Its fine to say no.

My son is 7, she is almost 9

You are right. I’d love to say NOT TODAY but my son will ask why, and he doesn’t understand “because the grown ups in her life are taking the piss” 🥴🥴🥴

Take her back and explain to them that in future they need to ask your permission first and they've taken the piss dropping her off every day.

Don't let her go inside? Just tell her you are busy and it's not convenient.

You are the one who let her in, you are a bit silly to be annoyed by it. You can be polite and friendly, and send her back to her grand-parents.

It's not a home invasion is it.

So you tell him that Katie has to spend time with her grandparents, and that you and him and doing X or Y instead. Or you revert to the tried and tested "because I say so"...

Instil some boundaries in both of them. It’s not cruel to say no. You can even say to your DS that she comes to see her DGPs and by coming over to yours everyday she is not
spending time with them.

Parents call the shots, not DC or other people’s DC. It really is quite simple.

I guess it’s not really the little girl’s fault - after all, no child is going to want to sit in an old grandparent's house when they can be next door playing with toys and their friend.

But yes, you’ll just have to be firm with the neighbours. You could perhaps say she’s welcome to come for an hour before lunch but after that you’re taking her back, no exceptions. I feel a bit sorry for the kid - sounds like her parents, grandparents and great grandparents can’t be bothered with her. But that doesn’t mean you have to pick up what they’re not willing to do!

Just say not today, on the other hand I always enjoyed having children around when mine were small, they were both awkward and sometimes friendships needed extra tlc to sustain them.
I didn’t mind it through the summer holidays. Now they’re 17 and 12, those days are a distant memory.
On the days she is allowed come, tell her to stop asking for things, put out a small table with a jug of juice and a few snacks.
It’ll help your child build confidence too.

he's old enough to understand that mummy does not want to host a playdate.

They're not mandatory.

Tomorrow is no. We’ll be out until 2ish, then no. Tomorrow is a no day!

And nothing against her, it’s not her fault. It’s the cheeky grown ups.

Breathe..

He’s obviously enjoying the company. Kids are annoying at times, that’s life.
Just set boundaries, the summer holidays flies through, if they enjoy spending a few hours together, let them.
If she asks for things tell her to ask her DGP she’ll soon learn.

In many ways, you’re not helping the situation by allowing her to come in and play. Next she knocks, tell her it’s not convenient i
and send her ‘home’. If your son asks why, you could tell a white lie and say you’re going shopping, even if you don’t’t actually make it out the front door, or say you’ve got stuff to do, and unable to supervise, or just say she’s here to visit her grandparents, so needs to spend time with them

"Because I don't want that today"
You could also say to the grandparents that you cannot be responsible for someone else's child and can they please put a stop to the visits.

You need to explain to your son that it’s not happening today.

I would go round to the great grandparents and speak to the grandparents when they drop and tell them to stop using you for childcare.

Then she would never visit again. I don’t think OP’s DS would be happy with that.
There is no issue with having boundaries and days when you are not available.
At age 7 and 9, I wouldn’t think they’d need much minding, I’d limit the days but wouldn’t ruin the friendship.