Next doors child always in my house

[Kidsalwayshere]

As per my username (name changed for this), the kid is always here!!
Next door have a great granddaughter (a few grandchildren actually) but one has been coming every day since last weekend. She is being bought over by her grandmother who she is with for the week (the actual parents are not very involved).
They’ll pull up in the car, drop her off to her great grandparents, stay a bit, tell her to knock for our son and drive off saying “we’ll be back in an hour”. The purpose of the trip is for her to spend time with her great grandparents but at this point she doesn’t see them 10 mins before she’s with us.
My son likes playing with her, but I’ve had enough! It’s 6 days in a row now. Sometimes we just want to do nothing. She comes in and says “ I want a drink”. She has literally come from next door. She asks “are you going anywhere today and tomorrow.” And if we say yes, we get “why are you always out”. She asks why our car wasn’t there at certain times. I feel spied on 😂
I feel like I’m being used for child care at this point and whilst she is a kid, surely the adults are not that cheeky… are they?! They’re normally ok neighbours (the man can be moody and shouty and I knew their son from back in the day, he’s horrible, been in jail a few times, that’s another story!).

At the start of the week I was giving her dinner as well, I’ve stopped that. She gets squash and whatever snacks my son has out. Foot down last night and said she needed to go home when my son was having his tea as we were having a quiet night. I had “can I stay for tea. Can we play after tea”. I said no and walked her back.
Aaannnnd here she is again.. dropped off, her grandmother has driven off and her great grandparents have no responsibility over her.
Just needed to vent!
AIBU to say tomorrow, nope, she’s not coming in and my son isn’t playing with her, or is that shit? My son does have a busy morning tomorrow, plans with school friends, but I see that car pull up and think ffs, again!
My son did go in next door once but it’s very much an older persons house, no toys, disabled adaptions so it’s not fun for them. I can see why she wants to come here but why don’t the adults responsible organise fun things for her then?!?

To add im happy when my son has friends over, he’s got lovely little pals, and he goes over their houses as well, but 6 days in a row of “I need a drink, where have you been, where will you be tomorrow” is getting to me! Thanks for reading, if you read it all.

Pop a note through that sorry you aren't a child care facility and keep your door locked...

I just said we’re out tomorrow, with my son’s friend. She said what time? 😫🤪 I said all day, we’re out all day tomorrow…
Ill be telling her nan that too when I walk her back in an hour

I just used to say “Not today, we’re busy” and no, I never felt guilty! The great grandparents are taking the piss! Of course your DS may like her there but every other day is the maximum I’d allow. Unless they start paying you :)

Tell him in advance. Explain that she has come to visit her great grandparents and she needs to spend some time doing that.

They are piss takers. They’ve got a few grandkids /great grandkids they have never been bothered with.
The girl who comes to my house, she has a relationship with them as their daughter/girls grandmother facilitates it (and drops her off with time with them/drops her off so she can come to our house).

If she asks what time, just say “we can’t have you round tomorrow, we’re going to have family time.” Tell your son “it’s just family time today - X can come another day”.

You are the adult though
Speak to DS " friend can only come once a week"
Then go and tell the GP CFers that and tell them not to send her round other than the prearranged day
Job done
You will be teaching your son about boundaries

then have her at your house

I think you need to be more proactive in this scenario.
When you see the GM drive up go out and say can I have a word.
Preferably not in front of either child.
Then simply say we cannot have GD popping in ad hoc as it interferes with our family plans.
We dont mind the occasional play date as long as it is arranged in advance so that we can plan out our day.
Shall we exchange phone numbers. ?
Be firm and clear.
Good luck.

If you're about anyway, and your son is pleased to play with her, and you're only providing a bit of squash then why not?

We had a similar situation, and I felt sorry for the girl. My DC and her don't get on anymore and she moved onto being with other neighbours' kids and now is old enough to go off further afield with other friends, and that's fine - it was nice for a certain time in my DC's life.

It's good to put in bondaries though, and I'd have no qualms about doing that. Eg, "Ok Daisy, you can play with Alfie for the next half hour, then it's time to go back to your great grandparents".

Can you say you’ve booked intensive online tutoring, so while he’s staying in, he won’t be available for play.

Gosh that is sad.
People often hark on about the good old days when we were kids and we played out and were in and out of each others homes. Then when something like this happens now, they complain about having to spare a bit of squash.

It’s not that is it to be honest. No one is that tight. It’s the fact it’s all the time and intrusive.

These GGP clearly aren’t that interested in this child otherwise they’d be checking where she is and is it ok with you surely? I guess it’s a case of out of sight, out of mind! But you have to feel for this little girl, forever dumped on relatives who, judging by mobility aids in their home are clearly not prepared or able to care for and entertain her. Probably a case of her saying ‘hi granny, I’m going to play with Johnny next door’……and then the GGP settle back down to the tv!

It might be nice if GP or GGP spoke to OP and asked if it’s ok, offered snacks etc or even checked that she’s not being a nuisance.

It’s not that. I did a huge shop the first weekend of summer holidays starting and bought so much in preparation! There are drinks galore in my house knowing my son would be home and he’d have friends over. It’s the expectation that they don’t have to feed or give drinks to their granddaughter /great granddaughter because next door will.
She said last Monday “they never give me food or drinks” about next door. How shit is that. Equally it’s not up to me to do it!
My son’s friends are always welcome, they know where the snack cupboard is, they can help themselves. I’m not tight, I just didn’t plan on someone being here every day this past week, and whilst they are much easier than say 4 year olds, I still can’t take the old bra off, nighty on and lol all over the sofa when someone else’s kid is here

To be honest in this day and age i wouldnt let a child i dont know very well in my home. I only have select friends of my sons come for playdates for an hour or two and then that is normally recipricated. We had a little boy who was in a similar scenario at his grandmothers and sent round to ask my son to the park - which meant i had to go to the park and look after them. Fortunately we are quite busy so more often than not we were going out after that, which stopped the frequency. Just be busy!!

Ok, fair enough. I didn't mean to be getting at you - it was more about the many posters being harsh against this girl coming round. The poor girl must be quite vulnerable, and it's a shame her family don't engage or appreciate what you're doing.
I still think it's nice for your DC to have a playmate, and totally fine for you to put in clear boundaries to limit it. (& still take your bra off and loll about - they won't notice or care!)
x

The grandmother who does look after her, she’s nice, good job, got her most of the time (I think). She’s got a few half sisters and brothers with a different father. The GM is trying her best with her, but yeah she is vulnerable.
and id like my house back 🥴

I think it's unfortunate that your son is being allowed to spend time with a friend.

If you find it tiring, why don't you just let the two of them outside to play?

They go out, then back in, then out, then in.. isn’t that normal? In for drinks and snacks, back out again…

Not in and out all the time. They should be dandering away from the home, riding their bikes, meeting other children etc.

Report to SS! Seriously concerning that this child is being dumped on people to be cared for, who presumably don't want to, so dump off with somebody else!

I’m not letting my son ride around on his bike, meeting his friends at 7 years old?Are 7 year olds allowed on roads on bikes at that age?

When they have friends over during summer, of course kids are in and out! Adults are.. getting drinks, toilet etc. I’m not confining him to either being in or out, he’s not a dog.

I think you’re either the kid house or the invite only house. We were always the kid house, still the kid house now they are all teens. Always tripping over someone’s spare child. I just used to have loads of cheap squash and crisps. Stretched pasta and sauce if necessary. But if you like your space then take her back and come up with a routine that works for you and your son?

Happy to be the kid house, when they’re invited! As I said, I have a load of stuff in ready. No one drops their kid off and drives away though, without me knowing.