AIBU to think upper middle class professionals downplay how much they game education?

[MyCyanAnt]

I can’t be the only one who has noticed this. I went to genuinely average comprehensive schools and had parents who just dgaf like most in UK. I went to medical school where it seemed like this upbringing put you in a small minority, now an ultra high earner from own business but still do part time work as a GP. DC are 12 and 14.

Whenever the topic of education comes up with other doctors/professionals they will say stuff like it’s the child not the school who determines the outcome, we’re not pushing DC, we’re letting DC pick their school etc

However when it comes down to it none of them ever put their money where their mouth is. It won’t always be Eton but it will almost always be either a private, grammar or high performing comp in expensive catchment area instead of a genuinely average comp.

It’s a similar story with paying for tutors and other parents DC being interested in prestigious but completely unrelated careers e.g. Doctor or investment banking who have obviously been guided by parents.

I do the same but I feel like I’m an outlier in that I don’t lie about it, I’m obviously paying/gaming things so DC are much more likely to get a top job. I don’t see what’s wrong with admitting it yet it’s such a sensitive subject with some.

Well I agree it’s the child not the school. You think they’re gaming the system and not admitting it… they think they’re behaving completely normally (which they are).

You, much like my sister, both became GPs with a comp education. I have 3 degrees and came from a working class comp background. Of course they’ll choose a good comp vs a shit comp because 1) they can and 2) it’s not the education that’s a problem at those schools it’s the other kids.

There's a little thing called SATs. If you think that isn't sorting kids aged 10-11, dream on.

Kids are sorted with phonics tests, SATs, more SAts, and coming soon - thanks to Bridget, they will be sorted again in year 8, with reading tests.
Kids are well aware of which ones are falling behind, which ones are clever, which ones keep failing. Parents get neurotic about it. Don't you read mumsnet?

Once the kids are 'sorted' not a lot happens. They are shoved into lower sets at secondary. They are entered onto progress charts. But very little intervention. They failed their KS2 sats, therefore, not much is expected of them.

Bridget has announced reading tests in year 8. She hasn't said why. She hasn't said what will be done with the results. She hasn't said what intervention will take place. But hey ho. Tell me that's not sorting kids in year 8. I'm guessing the poor readers will just tick a box saying, poor academic progress expected. Sorted!

We had a comprehensive school next door to our grammar school. So much for that theory.

Rugby has comprehensive, grammar and private schools. They exist happily alongside each other.

Obviously, the clever SEN kids would go to grammar. Though there were no SEN kids at my grammar. Or they would be in a high stream at comp.
Many autistic kids are highly intelligent. They often need time out in a quiet area.
Being gifted and talented is a form of SEN that no-one ever talks about. Those kids would be in grammar.
Having taught many SEN kids who have been failed by the present education system , i know what I'm talking about.

Agreed. They should never have been scrapped. Yes, the entry system was flawed, but things could have been changed to improve the entry system without actually scrapping grammars. It was all politically driven and was a massive mistake.

Of course you can. Our nearest city has a mix of two grammars alongside 2 comps which were rated as outstanding and have excellent results in their GCSE/A levels. There are also 2 more comps one was rated as satisfactory and the other as needing improvement (or similar wording).

I think if the grammars have no/a not particularly restrictive distance criterion, coupled with good public transport, they attract students from a long way off and therefore the local high schools have close to the full ability range.

That the case in Tonbridge (Kent) anyway. The highly regarded boys' grammar there has an autism resource base, although a small one.

The point is, grammar schools used to be everywhere. My old grammar is now just a state girls school. It is very popular with the Asian community, they prefer their girls to go to a single sex school. Not sure what their results are like, but it is oversubscribed, so I assume it is good.
25% of kids went to grammar. Therefore, I assume, 25% of schools/school places were for grammar schools. I would like to see this extended to 30% of schools. I bet loads of academies would jump at the opportunity.
Many of the grammars served inner city areas. They were stepping stones for social mobility. This is a point that is often overlooked.
Eton is actually building satellite colleges in deprived areas, in association with an academy. This is never talked about either. The colleges are only for clever deprived kids, not for middle class kids.
Who said private schools are terrible and shouldn't exist??

In what sense is it 'gaming'? They are exercising their rights to choose what school their children go to.

Being well to do, they have a lot of options and they're choosing the best of those. The system itself is a total mess though, perhaps that's where your anger should be directed?

Nail on the head as regards the two state grammars in our nearest city. Their "catchment" area is huge, far beyond the catchment of the comps in the same city, and extends to two different cities and several towns, some of which are in a different county. The numbers attending from within the city itself, i.e. the catchment area of the other comps is quite small - more pupils attend from outside the catchment area.

I dunno. I think most parents do their best for their kids? If I could afford private I’d send my kids to Dulwich or St Paul’s or wherever. As it is I’ve been front and centre at Mass for the last 14 years so the kids go to the best catholic schools in the country.
Most parents I know tie themselves in knots to get their kids into the best school they can, as well as forking out for tutors/tennis lessons/trips abroad to learn a language. It’s not gaming the system, it’s parenting.

I’m also against the massive competitive aspect of most schools, which tells children that they only do well if somebody else doesn’t do well

@HoppityBun sorry, I don’t understand what this means.

OP says - " Not that it really matters, but I am much much richer than the average gp or consultant."

This sounds like that Harry Enfield sketch - "I am much much richer than yoooow..."

It obviously does matter to her. A lot!

Also "ultra high earner" .... cringe!

I think it's the way that only x% of pupils will get a A*, then y% will get A, etc, as the system is designed for a certain percentage of people to get each grade, so the "standard" can change from one cohort to another. Hence why it's all a competition to be better than your peer group to get the top grades.

But, sadly, life is exactly the same. It's always the "best" person who gets the better jobs etc. So I suppose you could say that schools just mirror the reality of adult life where everything is a competition.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 25/07/2026 09:47
You’re right OP. And it’s not going to get better whilst private education exists, as even those who choose a comp will try to give their kids advantages if they can to bridge that gap.

If private education was abolished, would parents still not try to give their kids advantages?

I don't see this as contradictory; surely you can let your DC make their own choices etc whilst also ensuring they are in the best educational environment and have the right support to make those choices? Like if I move house to make sure my kids can go to a v good school, I can then allow them to make their own choices as to which subjects they choose etc.

HollyhocksandPeons · 25/07/2026 11:46
Sorry, no names named, but for a few years now, certain hard-working privileged children did not even apply to a certain university for medicine and law, because this university counted private school education against them, using a special questionnaire to bump up UCAS points. For example, the following questions were used for grading:
are you LGBTQ+
are you from one of the following deprivation index postcode?
is English not your first language
Are you from a household where parents are migrants/asylum seekers
Are you a migrant or asylum seeker
Are you care experienced
Household income

That’s interesting. Presumably the university in question had no way of proving if the candidate was LGBTQ or not. Did they check up on whether the other questions were being answered truthfully?

It’s not, you know. It’s anxious, aspirational parenting from people who are terrified their child won’t be able to hack it out in the world. You could calm down about it all, recognise that schools are much of a muchness unless your child has needs that can’t be met in a mainstream setting, stop faking Catholicism, tutoring etc, do a good job of raising your child, and just let your child find their level. That would also be ‘parenting’.

He's fully ready to stick it to the posh twats when he gets there.

Wow. @JJWT you obviously approve of this and you say you are a teacher. If there is a ‘posh twat’ in your class, do you ‘stick it’ to them?
How will your ds know? As app said, plenty of state educated students speak with a RP accent.
Maybe he’ll have a printed out survey which every student he meets must fill in and then depending on the answers he’ll decide whether he’s going to ‘stick it’ to them.

Its not gaming system its the oarents being disingenuous. Because noone ever want to disclose the effort or advantages theyve given their kids. They want it to look like the kid was just clever.

However the biggest advantage you can give as a dr is your inheritable intelligence. ..
Our village school has loads of drs kids in each year group. Unsurprisi gly the kids get exceeding in most subjects. But because of that the teachers cannot see the just exceeding kids and they downplay those other kids.

Overall the parents are spending loads on sports clubs (where most of the kids arent any good at sport but those that are are then better than the kods at school just doing school lessons. So presumably tutoring from a young age. As several kids then moved at 9 private.

But a big problem with choosing secondary is the data only shows grades 4 or 5 really, so what if you hope your kids get 6-9?

I certainly wouldnt have chosen a secondary which we have which hasnt returned 1 marked homework in 3 years (aside from marking tests). Overall state feels like lack of interest in getting your kid higher than the basic pass. Even of thet were bright.
And ours also screws them over in things like forcing particular gcse choices etc.

But also the data re sats and gcse is for all school misleading because an unknown % will be tutored. Includong some by family, siblings etc

The "posh twats"? Good to see he's going with an open mind 🙄 And can the "posh twats" "stick it" to your child as well then?

Disagree.

In what way is he going to "stick it to the posh twats"??
I don't think he's going to have many friends.
One thing that state schools don't teach is confidence and social skills. It seems the teacher in question hasn't even taught her child about equality and diversity. Did she skip that training day and go shopping instead?

And your experience of the grammar school system is...?

In what way is he going to "stick it to the posh twats"

I feel so sorry for the posh twats. Here they are, living in blissful ignorance looking forward to taking up their place at Cambridge, with no idea what is in store for them.
However, they’ll find out soon enough once they get there and they will be terrified.