To dislike play dates?

[Peonyyyy]

not all play dates, but ones at each other’s houses, on weekends. My husband and I both work during the week so we like to do stuff as a family on the weekend. Our 4 year old gets invited to play dates at other children’s houses (that they attend nursery with) and I find it annoying as it takes up 1/4 of the weekend, kids aren’t old enough to be left (I’m sure they do when the parents are good friends but these parents I only know through nursery drop off) and we then have to return the favour. Their kids absolutely trash our house and I don’t love being stuck inside chatting to a parent when we could be out doing something as a family.

I do like play dates that are out somewhere like a park or playground, or soft play as we’re getting out and doing something which we would’ve probably done anyway. But the house ones just annoy me as if someone invites you you then have to ask them to come to you etc etc.

I know I could just not do them/not invite them back but obviously it feels rude so we’re doing it but it’s not my favourite 😂

I’m sure once they’re at school and it’s after school play dates/ones where parents don’t have to stay that will be fine, I think it’s mainly the weekend taken up/house getting trashed/hosting thing I don’t like.

I also don’t mind when it’s people we were friends with outside of having kids that come over, as it’s a nice catch up for us too.

anyone else?

Why can’t a 4 year old do a play date without you? Mine used to go on their own at 3. When you arrange play dates invite them to meet you at the park.

We attended all the birthday parties to which dc were invited and reciprocated with holding a birthday party and inviting all the children in the class, but playdates? No, thank you. Maybe 2 or 3 for the duration of primary school years, that is all. Totally agree with you. They spend enough time with their mates at school, we, parents don't see them enough and need to have playdates with them, which we did. Day trips, museums, just lounging on the floor with books and CDs and non-computer games.

Just don’t arrange them at your house then, suggest the park or whatever.

Why not just say a version of what you've said here and say that you'd prefer to meet at park/playground/soft play instead? You can even invite multiple children at once therefore cutting down the number of play dates and increasing family time. Leave house play dates till you are happy to send the child without you having to go too.

And if hosting your own, restrict the children to one room and a limited number of toys and insist they tidy up before the guest goes.

I don’t think anyone likes play dates. 😂 This is why most don’t really do them til 5/6/7 when they can be left. You can just say no.

i wasn’t asking for advice, just wondered if others felt the same or if I’m weird.

i wouldn’t leave my 4 year old at another child’s house when I don’t know the parent well, they are not at school yet just nursery. And the invite always seems to be for both of us (for me to stay).

Oh good glad it’s not just me 😂😂

If you have plans, just say no.

I’m with you on this. We seem to get invited to so many play dates and I’m in play date debt just now, which is stressful 😆

my daughter is 5 so they seem to be “drop off” play dates now but I don’t like having other people’s children at my house at the weekend either, even without their parents!

We didn’t really have them at that age, maybe cos daughter went to childminder not nursery? Not sure.

Hated them in reception, having to sit and make small talk with other parents. BUT they payoff a couple of years later is that I have a network of parents who I can ask to have my daughter either if I need childcare or just fancy a morning to myself, and if I have their kids over it actually is an easier time for me as my daughter is entertained without being on a screen or needing input from me. Now she’s in y2 I love a play date!

I think I defo need to get them to tidy up at the end… these kids are feral 😂

I think you’ll find you’re in the majority here. This is Mn where a ring at the doorbell is an active threat.

I gently started suggesting that the parents didn’t have to stay around that age, some kids I had on their own from even younger , but I knew the parents quite well. It worked even better for days out rather than at home. Most people were comfortable with it (great!) and started doing it too (even better).

I hated them, especially as my dh then worked every weekend either Saturday or Sunday so they would break into the only day we had together and I resented giving up my other day to taking them or hosting. I think though that most of mine's friends parents thought the same so it tended to be going after school. Which i still hated tbf.

Socialising for your child is good for so many reasons.
If you do not like the hosue trashed what are they trashing?
Have a tidy up time before they leave or venture out.
I would be asking of you can leave them sometimes.
Abit selfish to only want to spend time with family only...its the kids social circle.
Wait until friends randomly show up and.run about...I love it.

The kids socialise all week at nursery. Weekends are the only time we get as a family. I know it’ll change as they get older but I’m not sure weekend play dates are necessary for a 4 year old preschooler

I never liked them much. But there comes a time when they’re a bit older and require less supervision, that they actually make your day easier.

Yes agreed, I think that’s really nice. I know it’ll be good to have these connections later on and I don’t want my son to be a social outcast of course, so I do say yes and return the gesture but I do also grit my teeth inside…

I know it’ll change as they get older but I’m not sure weekend play dates are necessary for a 4 year old preschooler

They're not necessary, so you don't have to do them since you don't enjoy them. We (and the other parents we do them with) do them because we like them. There are two main reasons: (1) we tend to invite children from nursery whose parents we like and want to get to know better, and (2) we have two DCs at the stage where the age gap is tricky (2.5 years apart) and they tend to wind each other up, so it's actually easier and more relaxing if the older one has another child in the house, as then they can bugger off upstairs or outside and entertain each other while the parents have a cup of tea and a chat. It's especially handy if DP or I is away for the weekend - looking after two DCs with different needs on your own (esp. where they both start competing for your attention) is more effort than organising a playdate for one of them where the kids can entertain each other, whether at our own home or at the other child's house. In fact, because we know quite a few families where both parents sometimes travel for work, we tend to look out for each other a bit and offer (or ask for) playdates when we know one parent is going to be alone with the children.

I hated them, I once invited ds friend who then turned up with his younger sisters… mum sat on the sofa non stop talking paying no attention to the children, her son fell down the stairs and she still didn’t stop talking. Stopped doing them at that point waited till ds was older and the parents/siblings no longer had to come with. Much easier!

I find play dates can be a bit one sided - I’ve always been very much of the opinion that I don’t mind within reason but there’s always the CF who never return the favour and expects a bit of free childcare.
to be honest we are working all week between us and have a bit of flexibility but about mid week stuff and weekends are quite busy so if it fits in fine - if not then no

never understand the trashing of houses tho, they wouldn’t be doing that in my house!!! One toy out, one away - no snacks served until it’s tidy!

I would have hated this but wouldn’t have agreed. I don’t think I ever did a weekend play date where I had to stay!

I love a weekend play date. We have a lot of friends with kids similar ages so it means we get catch up with parents and kids are entertained. Win win!

We both work but I've never felt they intrude on "family time". Part of being in a family involves doing things with other people and new experiences and meeting friends. There's 52 weekends in a year so 104 days. A few play dates here and there isn't going to eat into that.

I also find it's easier at weekends if we have things lined up with friends. Kids love being round other kids and there's something joyful seeing them play with each other. When I grew up, some of my best memories are when we had family friends round, the gatherings, the barbecues. All the kids having fun together. I want to give my kids that, a rich full life. Yes having time together is great but also time as a family with others too. I don't want them to look back and just remember every weekend spent only with their family and no one else.

@Shinyandnew1 please can you tell me how you just say no 😂 I find it impossible as I see the people at pick up/drop off… do you just say no, I don’t like them/we don’t do them/we’re busy every weekend until 2028? 😂

How old are your kids?

i think it’s lovely when it’s parents we are more friendly with, but this feels more like a chore.

maybe it also comes down to money, I don’t feel comfortable hosting a barbecue at our house as there isn’t room and it can be expensive… I guess everyone’s different, but I find hosting stressful when I don’t know people well.