To want MIL to stop doing our laundry?

[HannahR21]

MIL is here every other Tuesday looking after our toddler whilst we both work. She is really helpful, and tries to do stuff round the house. Recently, she has started putting washes on. I find this a step too far - the first time this happened, there wasn’t a great deal of washing in our basket - it would have fit in one wash. She left one item in the basket which was a rather ‘risque’ all in one bedroom outfit of mine if you get what I mean. She had obviously seen it, and decided to leave it (and nothing else) in the basket.

DH says she’s being helpful and it saves me a job so I should be grateful. I find it..invasive? Fully appreciate it may be a ‘me’ issue but thought it’d get some impartial views.

So these people who have no issue with it, wouldn’t mind their mil going through their drawers tidying them and looking at personal paperwork?

Same thing for those who don’t like their laundry being done, but these people have no understanding of other people’s boundaries, just because it’s laundry and it doesn’t matter TO THEM. To US it does matter. And I’m shouting because I’m as frustrated at these people just as I’d be at a mil who thinks it’s ok to go through my dirty pants. It would be a hill to die on for me.

Like hell I'd stop her. I'd keep a separate bag in the bottom of my wardrobe for "riske" laundry & my bed would be stripped & in the laundry basket weekly. What a MIL, I hope you regularly make her feel loved.

I hate other people doing my laundry - I didn't let my ex husband do it when we were together let alone anyone else.
I load the washing machine during the week with stuff I don't mind other people washing and keep a laundry basket in my room of stuff I wash myself. When the machine is full anyone can start a wash (I'm training teenagers!)

My DF used to do this sometimes and I loved it. She's just trying to help you.

Hi,

guess what? Your MiL had sex ( prob still does) and prob gives no fucks about your bedroom outfit.
if it was me I would have left it because it probably needs a delicate wash and she didn’t want to ruin it.

Shes helping just see it for what it is and not pick fault.
Why look for the negative just appreciate the positive.

I cannot believe all these people complaining about their MILs helping with childcare and doing their washing. I would KILL for that kind of support and help. Wow.

Shes helping just see it for what it is and not pick fault.

Why should Op accept help that she doesn't want?

Because MIL looks after her GC once a fortnight?

I hope you replied "It's probably cum" 🤣

Doing “you” a favour? Doesn’t he have any dirty laundry? If he does, is washing it your job? Is she doing you a favour looking after YOUR child? Does he “babysit” his own children? So many questions!

She is being helpful of course but I don’t think I’d like her rummaging through my smalls either.

I'm sorry, "saves you a job"? 😅

I’m in pain and would love some help with housework, send her to mine? xx

This is the question that needs answering. Why is she doing YOU a favour and not "us"? Does all the housework and washing fall on you? Is the childcare solely your responsibility. If my husband made this comment to me it would piss me off more than whatever was being complained about. Tell her no. You do not want her to do any housework or laundry and start giving those jobs to husband. If he refuses, then do your own washing yourself and cooking, tell MIL he childcare services are no longer needed and let husband pay for professionals.

“Thanks so much for doing the laundry, so thoughtful of you. However not to worry next time, I would rather do it myself. Save yourself the time and enjoy a cuppa and playing with X.”

This doesn’t need to be over complicated.

What an angel. I’d love this 😅

Just make sure your laundry basket is empty on a Tuesday when she comes then she can't do any. Don't see what it would be sat in the basket in the first place if there was enough for a liad

My MIL tried to do some of our laundry when we stayed with her for a couple of weeks during house renovations. She put everything in at the same temperature - 40 degrees and my DH's designer polo shirts shrunk!! So he very quickly told her not to do it!

Let her do the washing - you would be mad not to. If there is anything you specifically don’t want her to see or wash then keep it elsewhere. She’s trying to help.

Simple please don't do any washing. Thank you thsts easy enough to understand mother in law title is irrelevant here.

Yes - the MIL context is irrelevant and allows everyone to drone out the 'can't do right for doing wrong, she sounds like an angel, send her my way, wish my mother in law wasn't utterly dead so she could do this for me'.

OP didn't say MIL is an interfering old trout, she didn't say she dislikes her, she didn't even say she thought there was any malign intent here.

She would prefer to do the laundry herself (and her husband would also prefer she does it herself, which is another matter).

She is allowed to have that preference, and to wonder how to go about expressing it without hurting anyone's feelings.

I think she should have offered first and not presumed it was helpful , but really don't let a kind gesture of help sour your relationship, especially if you need her help and it's free help. Just have two washing baskets. Let her do one ( the big one,) and you do the little one with your undies etc separately.

Get over yourself. Accept any help that is offered. You’ve got an unpaid home help - don’t knock it.

It may be well-intentioned, it might be intrusive. I think if you've asked her to stop and she hasn't, then that's a boundary not being respected.

I'd get a washing bag for delicates to put your underwear in and keep it seperate in your room out of her view to wash yourself and let her crack on with the washing.

However she hates it and someone doing something you don't want, don't need and hate them doing while rifling through your underwear is not helping. At all.

So DH needs to stop being rude to OP and tell his mother to quit it.

Nope, definitely wouldn't want my MIL rifling through my dirty underwear 😬