DH NEVER hears me …

[cuppitycakes]

It doesn’t matter what I say 90% of the time DH says hmm ? What? What did you say?
I am so so bored of having to repeat myself all the time and I know I’m getting stroppy. I’ve asked him to get his ears checked over the last year or so but he hasn’t bothered. I’m not actually sure it’s that or that he just doesn’t actually pay any attention. It’s almost like he asks me what I said before he’s even possibly had time to register what I said if that makes sense. It doesn’t happen with anyone else. It’s stopping me actually wanting to ‘chat’ to him because it’s too much effort. Anyone else ? I’ve told him I’m not repeating myself anymore.

Is he actually listening when you’re talking to him?

As I’ve got older, I’ve found that I struggle to focus on more than one thing at a time. DH will often tell me things when all my concentration is directed at the thing I’m doing, and by the time I’ve registered that he’s talking to me and requires a response, he’s finished talking, I’ve no idea what he’s said and he’s telling me that I never listen to him (it doesn’t help that he mumbles in Welsh). We fixed it by him being aware of what I’m doing and asking himself whether it’s the best moment and, if it is, saying my name a second before he says the thing. I hear that, I get that I need to switch focus and hear everything he’s saying.

Say his name before you speak. Some people need alerting that they need to pay attention.

Good points - I can try the name thing

@TheFormerMrsTruelove it’s exactly the same for me. I’m usually reading something when he launches into telling me some anecdote, and it takes a good few seconds for my attention to switch.

I was chatting to an audiologist who said wives are constantly bringing their husbands to appointments to get their hearing checked for this reason. 90% of those times, the husband’s hearing was perfectly fine. Go figure.

And my DH is the same. Thankfully it also means I can mutter profanities about him more or less to his face and he’s none the wiser, which I’m finding a nice stress relief 😂

Or are you one of those people who shout from another room and expect to be heard, or turn away when talking?

Hmm, what did you say sounds like you spoke when he was involved with something else. As someone said say his name, make sure you have his attention and actually talk to him

I’ve stopped responding to the huhs.
agter a few seconds delay, when he realises I’m not repeating myself, he answers

dick

Dh is slowly going deaf I’m convinced. It’s not just me he doesn’t hear though, it’s everyone. He went and had his ears checked a couple of years ago and they were very blocked. They treated him and he was so quiet for about 2 weeks, his volume decreased and he could hear everything I said the first time and then it just went back to his normal - he’s so loud and he just can’t hear himself.
infuriating. I’ve asked him to go back and he says he will and never does!
Now I do tend to make sure I’ve got his eye contact before I start speaking and that does help.

My DH starts a zillion conversations with me as he is leaving the room or just buried his head behind a cupboard door. He started suggesting i had a hearing problem. The next time I was at the GP for a routine thing (back in the day when that happened) I mentioned it to my GP. He duly did a couple of quick tests and confirmed it was a DH problem...not my 100% functioning hearing..

Use it to your advantage. Tell him you told him last week that you were going to do......(whatever it is-spend a humongous amount on those earrings from your joint bank account etc) and that you thought he was listening. He'll soon start paying attention.

Or do that thing where you end the sentence with something extreme like 'and then he just shat all over the floor'

Do you talk a lot?
I have to ignore most of what DH says or I would never get a chance to think my own thoughts

Maybe I just need to develop some patience. Glad I’m not the only one though. If I really dig my heels in and refuse to repeat myself he does seem to work it out eventually.
it’s not just with me either - other people too. Our (adult) DCs have started mentioning it too - but they’ve got more patience than me and just laugh it off. I’ve turned into a grumpy old woman !

@moresoupno I wouldn’t say so

Mine does this too he just doesn't listen. Then he'll gleefully tell me something later and I'm like 'I know, I told you that earlier'. Or we run through plans he agrees then asks me later what the plans are. I get quite snappy with him too as it's just disrespectful imo.

This is exactly it !

@RudolphTheReindeersolidarity …

My very annoying DH accuses me of not listening when he suddenly says something, or says something walking out of the room, or even in another room. Like he thinks as soon as he opens his mouth, I drop everything and listen to him from the first word.
He doesn’t get that, I’m not waiting with bated breath for him to say something and that I could actually possibly be focussed on something else

i agree with a pp, say his name first, so you know he’s speaking to you!

My partner gets annoyed with me for the same thing. I think my brain is just a bit slow at processing sometimes, so I'll ask "what?" before I have properly heard what he said.

My DH was like this.

As soon as I opened my mouth to say a sentence I'd say the first word of the sentence and he'd say "what". I had to explain to him a few times that if he let me finish the sentence he would be able to figure out what I was saying.

He's an ignorant pig though with lots of other annoying habits. In the process of divorcing him.

I am committing to name first … fingers crossed !

My DS is like this.

You can’t just talk to him, even if you’re in the same room. It’s like you have to go through a whole separate exercise of getting his attention before saying what you need to say.

I agree with getting someone’s attention before you speak to them. We are not Robots like Alexa just waiting to be spoken to. If I am not in a conversation then my mind is elsewhere thinking about whatever I am doing. If someone starts speaking to me without getting my attention first I miss the first part of what they are saying because I am not in listening mode but focusing on something else.

It doesn’t happen with anyone else it's in the OP's first post.

Here's the clue. He's dismissing his wife. Wanker.

This is a common feature of ADHD. It’s difficultly with attention shifting. Although I am sure there are numerous other possible explanations such as fatigue or intense focus.