Sorry for the long post, don't want to dripfeed.
My partner (not married) and I have been together 4 years and have a DD (1 year old). When we met, I was in quite a hippie mindset - we were travelling a lot. Partner was working freelance, before we met he had a thriving business and saved a lot of income. His business ended because the sector was becoming redundant. Since we met, he has still barely earned. At the start of the relationship he had motivation to try and make a new business work, but without a business partner he struggled. He was always the "doer" and relied on a business partner to handle the client acquisition etc - he is very shy and introverted. Also, we suspect, on the autistic spectrum.
Throughout the relationship I worked full time. We always kept finances separate and split costs 50:50. When I got pregnant the plan was for me to take maternity pay, then take unpaid maternity leave and live off my savings (my savings would have run out by the end). He has 10's of K in savings still, despite earning less than his outgoings for the 4 years (he had a lot saved to start with).
Luckily during my maternity leave I landed a very high paid job, and now earn a lot of income. My partner thinks I should give him half my salary each month, and I'm not sure if that's unfair, or if I'm being stingy saying no.
Since I earned more, I have been contributing proportionally more for shared costs and baby costs, which I think is fair. But I'm on a freelance contract, which is going well, but there's a chance it won't be renewed at the end of the year.
He said he can't find a job as he has burnout from all the travelling and logistics around it. So I agreed we settle in his home country near his family (although I would prefer settling near mine). He is also demanding half my income, despite having 10s of k in savings. He said he doesn't like spending his savings (but I want to save for pension and baby!! Neither of us have a pension)
And I'm worried that if I pay him so much he would lose any last push to find a job. I asked him what he would do if I split the income with him - he said he would let go of his already very very part-time income stream. I said he could either be a stay at home dad and we split my income, or he pays his way (while I still contribute more to shared costs).
FYI its not like he does more home chores - I do all the cleaning, cooking, baby food prep, childcare organisation, babys clothes, packing and unpacking her stuff, and pay for most of the full time childcare. He leads travel logistics/subletting the apartment.
I can't tell if he is genuinely burned out and I should help him get back on his feet by easing the financial stress. Or if he is taking me for a ride and I'm being manipulated.
AIBU: he has burnout, we co-parent, I earn more than him and it's fair I split my income with him?
Or AINBU: Paying him would amount to enabling, and I need to focus on saving responsibly?