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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to leave a great partner because our life goals differ?

103 replies

SparklyGreyPoet · Yesterday 20:13

im with a very sweet man - extremely kind, funny, and great with my young DS who is now 3.5. Trustworthy too.

I am 30 in November. He is 33.

he is very content living at home, enjoying weddings abroad and weekends away with his friends. All things I appreciate a young man without responsibilities would want to do.

it’s been 2 years of dating/togetherness. During this time I don’t feel we have progressed greatly, have met family and friends but the integration with my DS has been minimal - he is happy to get involved when I ask but he never really broaches the subject.

I had a long term relationship with DS father - 10 years as was together extremely young. I am now in a position where I would like to buy and think about progressing forward in life - perhaps another DC at some point and would like to get married should that ever arise.

DP hasn’t put much thought into his future, has said that he’d hope he’s moved out in the next few years if he can save in that time, but the impression I get is it’s not high on the priority list. Which of course is fine for someone who is happy with this lifestyle. I’m concerned that I may not get what I want from life if I continue with the relationship.

the men in my family are sceptical and feel I should stick this out as meeting someone else will set me back further in life. They feel it safer to bide time and hope he comes round to wanting the same as me. The women in my family are pretty direct and feel our goals will never align and it’s time to love and leave.

I am torn. AIBU to leave a great great man just because our goals don’t align at this very moment?

OP posts:
SparklyGreyPoet · Today 20:45

Lots of comments here about me still living at home - I have rented for many years and moved back home temporarily whilst I save to buy a home. This is completely different to the situation of my DP thank you very much.

OP posts:
Dozer · Today 20:45

YABU for dating a man who does no housework.

Yoonimum · Today 22:40

Jeepers, my son is 10 years younger than your DP and willingly contributes to the running of the household. As many have said, you would be taking on a man child. The other thing that stands out for me is that there is no mention of love or excitement at the prospect of living together. I could not bear to be in such a flat relationship and I think you know it is going nowhere or you wouldn't have posted.

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