AIBU to feel uneasy about a teacher carrying in a distressed child

[Cityslickers]

I dropped my DD off at school on Tuesday and a slightly older child (but still infants age) was screaming about going into school. The teacher picked him up / manhandled him in, which made him more distressed and he was flailing his arms and legs about etc. His lunch, bottle and glasses were all on the floor. AIBU in thinking this isn’t normally done? I feel a bit upset still thinking about it.

It seems to be quite common with kids struggling going into school but it just felt uncomfortable to watch.

There was a 3 to 4 year old screaming and lashing out in the floor in Waitrose this morning, his father picked him up/ manhandled him call it what you like and took him out to the car . It happens all the time when l am out and about . What else is the teacher supposed to do?

Tbf then in this situation if the teacher has done nothing wrong, the HT backing them up and confirming that, will be a positive thing for the teacher to experience.

I would say don't keep out of it. My child has been the one being manhandled, by multiple staff, and I've written to question how it was dealt with each time, which led in one case to some much needed training. I've also seen a neurodivergent child being shouted at in school for screaming, and I mentioned that too. School teachers aren't necessarily trained to deal with these situations and will be doing what they can with the resources they have, but pointing out poor practice can support everyone in the long run. However I'm more confident to say something than many would be due to my own background.

But I'd bet my last dollar that the HT knows exactly what the situation is with said child.

And I'm damn sure the teacher would find it much more positive to think that parents just trust them as the professionals that they are and don't need to waste school time "reporting", rather than being "backed up" by the head in front of parents who know nothing about the situation but found time to complain.

Ha ha not sure where I have been slammed 🤷‍♀️🤣. No back peddling either but if you think so that’s fine.
I’m glad it worked for your child and that they are doing well now.
I hope mine will come out the other side too, it’s a very hard time for child, siblings, parents and of course teachers too.

If thats the case the HT can ignore OP just flagging it up.

Teachers arent infallible, they can misjudge situations, they are only human. If it is the case the teacher shouldn't have handled it the way they did then they need some support as next time it might be the parent of the child who sees it then the teacher really will be up shit creek unfortunately.

ETA - actually, if it is an agreed strategy with the parents, the teacher doesnt even need to know about it.

But a) this isn't a safeguarding issue and b) false allegations and accusations absolutely do do harm.

It wouldnt be a false allegation.

But I wouldnt call it an allegation in the first place though. It only has to be a quick "i saw this today, just raising it in case it is something you need to look into" type thing.

Agree and remember my DC being extremely clingy and unwilling to get into his classroom (Reception) despite my best efforts. Teacher just came out picked him up and carried him away 😄 I was both relieved and grateful that they helped and no pussy footing or time wasted in further "negotiations".
Also remember an older child, probably SEN (different class to my son's) always crying, screaming, shoes flying etc.. nearly dragged in by his parent every day to school. Felt so sorry for the parent, they must have been at the end of their together and barely coping.
Edit: at the end of their tether

I've seen a child caught with a sliding tackle and be restrained until the rest of the teachers could get there to support him
1, the child is a bolter
2, the gates to the road were open and the child was hoofing right at it
3, better caught and restrained than loose and injured/dead
4, it was the final nail in the coffin they were finally able to prove to the LA without a doubt they couldn't keep the child safe on the premises and the child FINALLY got the school they were safe in

No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors

How else are they expected to get the child in? My DD went through a stage like this in reception. I’d drop her and she’d start legging it around the playground so I’d have to chase her, then she’d throw herself on the ground and scream. The teacher came out numerous times to pick her up and carry her in still screaming. She outgrew it, obviously.

Sometimes DS teacher kindly don’t this for me after I peeled him off, he’d run off if he didn’t hold him. He always settled in class, teacher would text afterwards, if he didn’t settle I’d collect him.
I wouldn’t say anything about it.
You might have completely misread the reasoning.

Oh yeah children with SEN can and do elope, including over roads and into bodies of water. I know because my DS does, they have no sense of danger. We had a boy in our primary class like this too with much more severe autism than my DS. The teachers would chase him and have to pile on top of him.

Why wasn't an infant's parent present at drop off time? No childminder, no older sibling, no other parent? They'd been left unattended in the classroom or had arrived earlier and the child had made a run for it - or the child had left their home without an adult?

The last 2 sentences of your OP are contradictory, either it is unusual, or its common but it can't be both.
And either way it's probably best left to the school staff to sort it out.

are teachers not allowed to pick children up now?

Surely bringing him inside is safer than leaving him outside.

And she cant stand outside with him all day, she has to look after other children!

I’m guessing there was a class of children inside so no time to negotiate with him. Get him in quick and then calm him down inside.

Sadly I have had to forcibly carry my child into school. She is autistic and when she first began to refuse to go in - (she is older now but this was when she was about 8) - I did allow her to be carried by force a couple of times. It was horrific it makes me feel sick thinking about it even now.

After once or twice I said I'm never doing this again. HOWEVER - I have friends who did continue to do this and I do not judge them at all. Until you have walked a mile in the shoes of a SEN parent or parent of a child who struggles to go into school you can't judge what is involved and how hard the decisions are.

So - I would say two things. 1. don't jidge, the kid might be fine once in. 2. if you do genuinely feel you want to say something - say it. Ultimately we are all guardians of children - if something makes you feel uneasy about the way a child has been treated, it is always better to say something.

My friends child would frequently refuse to go to school and there was a plan in place that the deputy head would come to her car to take the child in, either by the hand or by carrying them depending on the level of resistance being shown on that day.

Teachers aren’t allowed to manhandle or put their hands on children!! This needs reporting to offstead as the school need to be told they have to learn how to manage children legally and correctly!!!

School shouldn’t have even attempted this! It’s is illegal as well as traumatic to children!! And yes I’ve been there where you are - 4 times with 4 Sen children and manhandling and carrying them in is not what any of the teachers or schools tried as they knew it was illegal, VERY traumatic for the child and also the worst thing to do!!

Yes they are, when the situation calls for it, but many don’t because of nutbars screeching OFSTEDDDDDDD every time they breathe. 🙄

It’s horrible and I say that as someone who watched her daughter be forced in to school. In the end it meant she lost all trust in both us and the school, took nearly two years for her to get back in.

It is not the right thing to do, at all.

I'm confused how the child wasn't inside the school but the parent wasn't there? As a parent you wouldn't leave until your child has gone in? I have seen various children who don't want to go in and the parent stays with them until they are inside the school.

Or are they a child with additional needs who comes on school transport?

Aggressive? Hardly.
It’s a perfectly valid question, which wasn’t even aimed at you.