Page 6 | AIBU to expect MIL to arrange DH’s 50th birthday gift herself?

WithTwoGiantBoys · 2026-07-15T18:37:21+00:00

It's a MIL one. DH turns 50 next week, MIL has messaged me to ask me to choose, schedule, book and pay for an experience gift for him, she doesn't mind what it is up to a certain budget. I'm working full time and work is absolutely manic, I haven't even sorted out what I am getting him (for complicated reasons I am conflicted about getting him anything at all), so aibu for thinking that as she has been retired for 20 years she has time to sort this out herself?

Original poster

WithTwoGiantBoys · 19/07/2026 12:19

So, in the end she seemed.to go along with a thing I suggested (if you're really sure, it isn't the sort of thing we'd have thought of) so I booked it, but she then decided to buy a voucher for something else so I guess I have got him a present after all! At least it's something for both of us.

OP posts:

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 19/07/2026 14:44

WithTwoGiantBoys · 19/07/2026 12:19

So, in the end she seemed.to go along with a thing I suggested (if you're really sure, it isn't the sort of thing we'd have thought of) so I booked it, but she then decided to buy a voucher for something else so I guess I have got him a present after all! At least it's something for both of us.

Wait, so you booked and paid for it and then she backed out? And you’ve just accepted that? Or have I misunderstood?

99bottlesofkombucha · 19/07/2026 15:00

Duckiewasthefirstniceguy · 19/07/2026 14:44

Wait, so you booked and paid for it and then she backed out? And you’ve just accepted that? Or have I misunderstood?

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This!!
please next time just repeat ad infinitum ‘I’m sure you’ll think of something.’ And do NOTHING

IamHelene · 19/07/2026 15:05

EdinaTheConfessor · 15/07/2026 20:07

My mum does this for my kids Christmas and birthday presents. Plus getting me to wrap them for her.

I once suggested cash for DS1 and she had the audacity to say no she didn’t want to make it look like she hadn’t made the effort. Well you haven’t ever made the effort I have!!!

I can understand how this feels in normal circumstances but I do ask for help because I have MS. My DH says I should give everyone money but it would make me feel that I was

LightlyRoamingOcelots · 19/07/2026 15:08

WithTwoGiantBoys · 19/07/2026 12:19

So, in the end she seemed.to go along with a thing I suggested (if you're really sure, it isn't the sort of thing we'd have thought of) so I booked it, but she then decided to buy a voucher for something else so I guess I have got him a present after all! At least it's something for both of us.

That's a really shitty thing for her to do, railroading you into spending your own money on something you didn't want. What a horrible person.

Still it gives you a watertight reason to refuse in future "last time you asked me to get involved you changed your mind after I had spent a lot of money on your behalf and I was out of pocket. You'll need to make your own arrangements this time:

ClayPotaLot · 19/07/2026 20:14

WithTwoGiantBoys · 19/07/2026 12:19

So, in the end she seemed.to go along with a thing I suggested (if you're really sure, it isn't the sort of thing we'd have thought of) so I booked it, but she then decided to buy a voucher for something else so I guess I have got him a present after all! At least it's something for both of us.

That’s really awful of her. Ask her for the money anyway. She can give him two things.

30DegreesHighAndRising · 20/07/2026 00:57

Does she know that you booked and paid for the gift on her behalf?
If so, and she hasn't paid, then the whole thing sounds very manipulative, and we can only assume that she really does dislike you and enjoy messing you about.

At least you know, and can adjust your relationship accordingly.

CountessBinface · 20/07/2026 01:48

Tell her he'd really appreciate a session with a marriage counsellor.