AIBU to expect MIL to arrange DH’s 50th birthday gift herself?

[WithTwoGiantBoys]

It's a MIL one.

DH turns 50 next week, MIL has messaged me to ask me to choose, schedule, book and pay for an experience gift for him, she doesn't mind what it is up to a certain budget. I'm working full time and work is absolutely manic, I haven't even sorted out what I am getting him (for complicated reasons I am conflicted about getting him anything at all), so aibu for thinking that as she has been retired for 20 years she has time to sort this out herself?

This! 😂 Do this @WithTwoGiantBoys

Even funnier than @mugglemother 's 500 identical posts on page 1. 😆

Rude! 😂 There's bingo and bowls and weeding and sunbathing too.

The cheek of you! 😆

True about experiences, they can be a bit expensive, but also they can be a shit gift that often costs the person who receives the 'experience voucher' more money than it cost the person who gave it to them. I have known someone get an 'experience' that cost the buyer about £25 to £30, and it's cost them (the receiver) £100 or more, (sometimes over £200,) and an entire day to redeem it.

I would never give anyone any of the 'experience' vouchers unless I knew they wanted it.

Has your husband ever said he wants to be given one of these 'experiences' @WithTwoGiantBoys ???

.

Don't give him a present yourself but take him out somewhere you will both enjoy, this is what we do as we do we haven't given each other more than token joke presents for years.
Tell your Mil that she should let DH choose his own gift from her as you don't have time or know what he would like and then just don't do it, put a someone elses problem field around it and forget it she may be annoyed but that isn't your problem or responsibility.

Just don't so it , and when it comes up say you told her at the time you were too busy. And don't buy him anything yourself he clearly doesn't see big birthdays as a big deal with the way he treated yours.

Go back to her and say, 'no, as I said yesterday ...'. If she asks again, ignore.

The only thing I would say that if she's elderly and can't use the internet, then it would be nice if she could choose whatever something and then you book for her.

Big girl pants on

”Sorry I just don’t have time to sort this out for you, you will have to do it yourself or maybe just buy him a voucher”

If she doesn’t like you anyway, what have you got to lose?

"Betty, what he'd really, really like is a day with you. Nice afternoon tea, maybe a film or a visit to Big National Trust place." That way he can't refuse without looking like a dick, her ego is massaged and you have a subtle revenge.

Don't be polite.

Just say "I have tried to tell you politely that I do not have the capacity to sort this, this week. I still haven't bought a present myself. I am not your secretary. If you do not sort it, you can explain yourself why he hasn't got a present".

And send.

I'd go back to her and say 'apparently my husband doesn't want to exchange presents any more so I'm following his lead. If you want to get him something then you are going to have to decide what you want to get him and then get it. I don't even have the time to think about this at the moment.'

If you feel the need to get him something after he did nothing for you, then I would thoughtfully wrap a box containing just a note

DH here is an IOU to match what you got me for my birthday, as I appreciated it so much! Enjoy!

Petty maybe, but oh so well deserved.

Not really, a whole different kind of thinking is required. Plus the OP will be getting something back from posting here.

She is asking you because you are his wife and she thinks you will know better what sort of experience he might prefer.
Not because she wants to ‘burden’ you with the awfulness of choosing one, a date and paying for it. Which she will pay you for.

Then why isn't she just asking for ideas, rather than expecting OP to organise the whole shebang? It is a burden.

Very restrained response. I commend you 👏🏻😂

She needs to do it herself, she’s being lazy. Sympathies as my mum often tries to delegate these kind of shit jobs to me. Like your MIL she has literally all the time in the world but can’t be bothered

Picking an experience and choosing it online does not take hours. Not really. If you know your way around the internet.
She may not know how to navigate such things. If the OP doesn’t ask her why did she want her to do it she will never know why MIL has asked if she can book it on her behalf. A simple few questions might get some answers.

If someone asked me to do something like that, like I suspect the majority of people they would ask why do you want me to do it out of interest ?

Well that’s on them. I love having a thing to do / experience present. Off to the theatre with the DDs on Saturday - my Mother’s Day present.

OP don’t start this nonsense with her. It will escalate, Mark my words <looks at own mother>.

I dont even like it when when people send my gifts from amazon and i'm expected to wrap them

@WithTwoGiantBoys Tell her that you can help her get a gift card/voucher for his favourite restaurant (irl YOUR favourite ofcourse). Then take him there for his birthday- pay with the voucher and it will be your bday present as well.

Amazon voucher for an experience - then mute her

I just refuse. I have enough to do wrapping my own presents 🙄

Maybe she doesn't care why her MiL wants her to book it because she doesn't want to do it! If the MiL can't navigate around being able to buy this kind of present then maybe she needs to pick something else to buy? Or ask someone else for help? The OP does not have time, even if you think she should.

Either directly refuse or buy a spite gift.

Like a trip for two (that your DH will love) and say its for the two of them to do together. if she hates the spa, buy that. If she hates cake, get an afternoon tea. If she hates books, get tickets for them tickets for a literary festival, if she hates golf, buy them a round.

Why on earth would you get him anything then? Bonkers.