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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect MIL to arrange DH’s 50th birthday gift herself?

73 replies

WithTwoGiantBoys · Yesterday 19:37

It's a MIL one.

DH turns 50 next week, MIL has messaged me to ask me to choose, schedule, book and pay for an experience gift for him, she doesn't mind what it is up to a certain budget. I'm working full time and work is absolutely manic, I haven't even sorted out what I am getting him (for complicated reasons I am conflicted about getting him anything at all), so aibu for thinking that as she has been retired for 20 years she has time to sort this out herself?

OP posts:
Northernlights73 · Yesterday 21:40

I would type a note saying experience to the value of xxx.
And get her to trf the amount.
Done

30DegreesHighAndRising · Yesterday 21:42

WithTwoGiantBoys · Yesterday 21:01

Yeah, he didn't bother getting me anything for mine, I was so hurt (he also didn't get anything for my 40th, I told him then that I was upset) that part of me wants to not get him anything in revenge but that just feels horrible and wrong and not the kind of person I am or want to be so it's all a mess in my head.

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In that case, don't get him anything from either you or on behalf of his mother. Or take him out to dinner somewhere you enjoy.

Northernlights73 · Yesterday 21:43

We met a couple on the train last week going up to London from Exeter on an incredibly hot day because they only had one more week left to use their "cream tea on a Southbank boat" experience which they had already extended by one year. Dont buy an experience!!!

mondaytosunday · Yesterday 21:44

My in laws wanted to know exactly what to get the kids down to the catalog number. I mean his hard is it to get a present for a young boy or girl?
Just tell her a firm ‘no’, you do not have time!

ExBert80 · Yesterday 21:46

Stop being a martyr and get him naff all. If his mother wants to get him something tell her assertively she needs to arrange it. If she doesn’t manage it, tough. I read on here the other day that not being a door mat is a life skill they should teach at school. For females that should be taught alongside details about the menstrual cycle. It’s that important.

44PumpLane · Yesterday 21:48

To be fair, if she doesn't like you anyway you lose nothing by saying no! And honestly it might be the gateway for you to feel empowered moving forward to take no shit.

"MIL, you're going to have to sort DH's gift yourself, I don't have the time at the minute as I mentioned the other day."

KarmenPQZ · Yesterday 21:50

WithTwoGiantBoys · Yesterday 19:49

I already tried batting it back yesterday but she has followed up to ask if it is sorted now. I did suggest something but she didn't want to get that. I just feel.like I haven't got space in my head to even think about it! I'm so tired and we don't have a holiday booked yet and the only window we can have it in is from next week so that needs to be a bit of a priority.

Tempted to just buy an experience voucher to give to him and he can do all the scheduling!

I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to politely tell her to do it herself, she doesn't like me as it is...

If not a voucher. Then for sure something you’d enjoy can enjoy too. Sporting tickets? Spa day? Stately home and afternoon tea? Concert tickets? Art gallery?
shamelessly take all the glory and maybe even pass it off as a joint present from both you and MIL so you don’t need to do anything yourself?

Snugs10 · Yesterday 22:01

How about English Heritage or National Trust joint membership and buy it between the pair of you

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · Yesterday 22:02

Would he even want an experience? They tend to be overpriced. Can you just reply Please gift dh the money mil so he can book something he wants to. Thank you

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · Yesterday 22:05

ShishKofte · Yesterday 21:16

'Sorry MIL, I haven't booked a thing myself yet.let alone thinking of second gifts... But Bradley likes penguins, Mille Bobby Brown and vodka if that helps?

Lolz

WildLeader · Yesterday 22:10

nomas · Yesterday 21:21

It’s not wrong or horrible.

Why do women do this to themselves.

Just match his energy.

Go out that day and get him nothing.

Tell MIL you don’t have tome to sort this for her.

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Sadly, this ^ @WithTwoGiantBoys

he wasn’t bothered by EITHER of your big birthdays, don’t be bothered by his

text mil and tell her “I’m not going to sort out your gift to your son, you will have to do it yourself”

WildLeader · Yesterday 22:11

If she doesn’t like you already @WithTwoGiantBoys then no further harm can be done.

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · Yesterday 22:16

Tell mil you don’t have time to sort it and she’ll have to do it- be blunt

don’t get him anything from you. Explain that you assumed you both don’t do birthday presents for each other after your last couple of birthdays

99bottlesofkombucha · Yesterday 22:17

This is a nope. ‘Oh gosh I thought that one was a great idea. You might have to ask him, I’m so busy with work I don’t have time to sit down and think about it for a couple of weeks.’

Get him some movie tickets from you at a nice cinema, don’t overthink jt. It’s so much more considerate than nothing

Gardenisablooming · Yesterday 22:20

Suggest she takes dh for afternoon tea..then you get the day to yourself..

Contrarymary30 · Yesterday 22:20

Unexpectedlysinglemum · Yesterday 19:42

I would say ‘sorry I have no time this week to organize this for you but I think he might like … cooking lesson ..massage vouchers… snowboard lesson … wine tasting’

This is a good suggestion .^

I used to hate it when people asked me what to get for my 4 for Christmas, I had enough trouble thinking what to get them !

MrsTerryPratchett · Yesterday 22:29

TheFormerMrsTruelove · Yesterday 21:15

A card and a pair of socks. It makes the point, but you’ve marked it, which is more than he has done for you.

And if your MiL doesn’t like you anyway, then why on earth do you give a shit whether she gets pissed off with you? If she messages you again, just tell her that no, it’s not sorted because you simply don’t have capacity to take on the mental load for anyone else, so she’ll have to do it herself or put some money in a card for him.

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This. In its entirety.

Baking07 · Yesterday 22:34

Stop being nice.
Card and socks.
Tell you MIL sort it out herself and archive her number.
Clearly the menopause hasn't started because if it had you'd be blocking her number and getting him nothing.

YourAquaLion · Yesterday 22:42

Just say you haven’t got time and don’t do anything, simple! She will get the message loud and clear, and if she doesn’t like you anyway then there’s nothing to lose.

sittingonabeach · Yesterday 22:46

Just get a voucher from an experience company

Chilly80 · Yesterday 23:02

Give him something he hates but you love. Or divorce papers.

MeridaBrave · Yesterday 23:08

Just say - nice thought but I don’t have time to organise.

outerspacepotato · Yesterday 23:36

Tell her to get him a new doormat, the old one's gone missing.

As for what to get him, give him an empty jar. He gives you nothing, he gets a thing full of nothing.

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