Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

Same! I love toddlers and little children and I cuddle and squish the ones I know as much as I can!
I also wave, smile, play peepo with other people’s children and they seem to like it.
Appalling to learn that once I’m in my 60s (and probably running a department) I will be perceived as Old Lady who is Lonely and Demented…
OP gird yourself for having teenagers if you are this controlling!

I’m in my 40’s but I think id consider someone in their 60’s old, certainly late 60’s, less so early 60’s. Retirement age is 67 so surely retirees are old?

Tbh OP, i wouldn't even bother asking here. If you feel uncomfortable, then go with your gut.

Aw, that’s lovely. There was an elderly man who lived up our street when I was a child and he used to chat to us and give us Milky Ways. He would throw them into the little ‘boot’ on my tricycle rather than place them in our hands. Or sometimes he pushed three through our letterbox for me and my sister and brother. Just a lovely, lonely old man who rarely saw his children/grandchildren and missed family life. We used to bore him to death at his front gate for ages🤣 My mum was usually in and out keeping an eye on us.

putting OP’s post to one side - I definitely don’t have a natural human instinct to touch other people’s children

She shouldn’t touch him but you should also calm down.

Because that’s an entirely different circumstance and level of danger, statistically.

This. What a sad world we live in where people can't interact without people thinking it's weird 🙄

When I had my DS 14 years ago I received gifts from people in our village who I had barely spoken to, lovely knitted items and genuinely couldn't get over the kindness of strangers over our new little baby. The older generation especially love children, FGS give your head a wobble!

Lots of small social interactions with a range of different people, including the odd ones, is what builds social confidence. Social anxiety has been stoked by Covid, smart phones, social media, online shopping, self checkout etc. That’s why some young people are scared to speak to strangers or make phone calls nowadays. OP teach your son by example how to make small talk in a kindly way and then disengage.

Nor do I @Edenmum2, but a lot of humans do. So although I am not tactile, I realise that it’s probably me that is the odd one out. Many humans crave physical touch (and I mean that, obviously, in a completely non-sexual way).
People hug their children and their parents and siblings and friends. Not everyone is a hugger but a huge proportion are.

Personally I find it difficult to pass a dog without touching it (but I do always ask first!)

Never heard anything so ridiculous. Your child is going to be touched by any number of people in the next few years.
The lady is of an age from when it was common for neighbours etc to touch children. It is not always a paedophile situation. Use your common sense, you are with your child but don't be so bloody precious.

I say this because I remember when I had my first baby and as I was pushing the pram, the lady up the road came over and put a coin in the babies hand

Def a tradition in the NE where I grew up. In fact it would be considered remiss 'not' to.

Gosh OP your mind would have been blown when my children were tiny. We lived in an area of the US with a large Hispanic population and it was common for Hispanic ladies to gently pinch my DC’s cheeks while out shopping while cooing compliments. Someone told me it was for good luck. I don’t know if that’s true or not but we found it charming, and a lovely story to tell later in life

Exactly this. And also, why does an old lady become this creepy scary figure who can’t interact with a child?
I’m 45 and my boys aren’t toddlers anymore but I remember those days, and I always give a kind look to anyone dealing with a toddler or have a chat with them or a quick aside about something silly eg. Oh they never want to wear their coats do they?!
When I am 65,75,85 will I be a creepy old lady from whom your toddler must be protected?
This woman is just a friendly lady, probably a mother herself. She doesn’t think of herself as a random old lady, just a person in your community being friendly. She not a wicked witch!

next time move him out of the way or just put your hand across and say it again just as nicely.

I pressed YANBU by accident and it won't let me change it, YABU. What age can people touch him, can a nursery worker pick him up when you go back to work? Can someone pickup his glove and hand it back to him? It's not really normal to be so horrified someone touched a baby (in a completely normal way).

Cheeky! I’m 64 and not the slightest bit ‘old’ thank you very much. I’ve got two kids in their twenties and am not in any way elderly.

I think you will have to be more firm about the no touching but I wouldn’t blank her (unless she keeps ignoring it). A cordial hello is enough and go on your way. You don’t need to stop and chat.

This type of post will always attract ‘world’s gone mad’ and ‘she’s just a friendly old lady’ responses.

They don’t know her so cannot say that.

Trust your instincts.

It's difficult to judge, but I think I'd actually feel a little uncomfortable with that too, it seems to be part of the 'be nice' ethos that children are pressured to put their instincts/discomforts to one side to indulge people of an older generation.. I don't allow it with my DD, I would expect people to ask, and I let her choose, and reinforce whatever boundary she has, she is 5 now and capable of reinforcing her own boundaries. But I've quietly put relatives in their place for trying to force physical contact as it gives me the creeps to be honest, and as someone who was abused as a child I want my daughter to know that 'no' is a complete sentence.

There could be all manor of reasons why she has taken a special interest in your son, memories of a time gone by or reminders of someone or she could just be a really friendly person, IMO coming to say hello is perfectly fine, touching hand or top of head wouldn't bother me if it didn't bother them, but anything else would be 100% child led, not adult led.

You could try picking him up when you see her, for him to say hello, but that way you can control the interaction more, and you can walk away when he's had enough.

I don’t see old as an insult! Out of interest, when do you think people are old?

On a personal note 60 isn't "old", Opp I'm early 60's, I willing to bet good hard cash that I have a higher IQ than you AND that I can run a marathon faster than you

I'd put some money on that as well.

i don't see how asking her not to touch is depriving her of interaction. She can still say hello, being elderly doesn't give you a right to touch strangers, adults or children.

If a random old lady kept trying to hug or touch you as an adult I doubt most people would be ok with it. but apparently children don't deserve the same level of consideration.

It's got to be a joke post!

I grew up in Liverpool and it was very common for people to put a small coin -usually a silver 6d - into a baby's hand.
It was called hanselling and was meant to ensure that the baby always had money, rather like putting a coin into a purse given as a gift. I never saw a mum demanding they didn't touch her baby, they usually just said thanks.
People were always touching babies then and would nearly always chuck a small child under the chin and say they were cute. Your child is obviously with an adult when this woman intetacts with him and she probably just thinks he's cute.

100% agree. What is society coming to ?