Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

Like I said previously when I was 17 I regarded 30 plus as really old. To be fair it's a view we have probably all had at some stage towards those in a different generation. To give you & others something to look forward to. If you are like me & the vast majority these days if fortunate to be in the 60s age group, you will still be the gymn going, hard working, energetic, concert going, sex loving (yes) fashionable woman who has a lot to look forward to. We may not be very young but we are not past it & we certainly don't fit the condescending description of 'the old lady' 😁😘

“Lonely old widow”
”The elderlies”
”Dementia caused by social isolation”

Bloody hell!

She sounds like she may have early stages of dementia.

I do however feel you are over reacting.

Is this something you've picked up in real life or on Mumsnet?

I'm approaching 40 and can't relate to this at all. My mum and my mum's friends (as well as my friends mum's) are in their 60s and we don't consider them to be "old ladies" in the stereotypical sense, probably for a lot of the reasons you mentioned.

I can't follow the logic of why thinking of my mum's generation as old would make feel young either. For me, the fact my mum's generation doesn't resemble "old ladies" makes me feel positive that I hopefully still have decades to come of being socially and physically active, but maybe I'm missing something.

Of course 40s is still very young. I should have made it clear I was referring to mumsnet posters who think labeling people in their 60s as old ladies & suffering from dementia as applicable when in the vast majority of cases it's not. If people in this age group do suffer from this dreadful condition it's known as early onset dementia which can happen at any age. It's basically a wind up & it should stop but they obviously get a kick out of it. I will feel blessed if I reach old age in 20 odd years time. I must admit I'd prefer to be a Joan Collins in her 80s in looks & fitness😂 although I'm sure she wouldn't want this patronising & condescending label either😂

This is quite the drip feed! You are absolutely ridiculous and most people agree, 70% of this poll! Get a grip.

Based on the title of your thread, I could have predicted some of the responses you've had on here. Honestly? Ignore them. They're more focused on your description of a 60s/70s woman as "old" than what you've actually described.

As a parent your primary job isn't to avoid hurting a stranger's feelings; it's to protect your child's sense of safety and to show them that when they don't want physical contact, the adults who love them will back them up.

I also think people are confusing caution with paranoia. Feeling uncomfortable doesn't mean you're accusing this woman of having sinister intentions. It means her behaviour has crossed boundaries in a way that doesn't feel right to you, and that's a perfectly valid response.

I'll ask this again to PP who have berated OP. If a woman you didn't know very well was asking to touch and hug you, would you like it? If the answer to that is no, think about why you think it's acceptable to force that on a child. Children are not props.

So you think every 40 year old on Mumsnet thinks that 60 year old women are old ladies and have dementia?

I've genuinely never come across this before and as a 38 year old cannot relate at all. How bizarre.

OP - are you happy for people to ignore your child? Or are you someone that expects people to interact with them at a distance and gets offended if they don’t?

At a rough guess, around a quarter of European Prime Ministers are over 60. I don’t think they are usually dismissed as “old men”. The “man” might well be significant here, though!

@BeRealOpalWasp
100% this.

Thank you.

She really does make me feel uncomfortable and I never once accused her of having sinister intentions.

It's unfair how PP have berated me on the grounds of wanting to have my child's best interests at heart.
Expecting me to prioritise some random women's feeling over my son. Crazy.

Even if she does have early onset dementia, they can turn quite aggressive.
I worked in care during lockdown and have witnessed this first hand.

The best interests for your child are for you to raise them to not be afraid of strangers- eg nurses, doctors etc. as you have already mentioned.
As they get older- to be wary , of course.
but he’s just 2, and you are an adult who is quite capable of controlling any encounters without freaking out and transmitting irrational fears of paedophiles lurking in the streets around your house

No not really. They were relative strangers to my mum, ok not as much as someone you’d walk past every day in that she had spoken with them but still. My mum trusted them to actually look after me alone, vastly different to OP who just feels annoyed this woman wants to coo over her child briefly in the street.

For the 100th time I don't want my son being forced to into a hug by a random woman.

Her chasing my son and OH down the street isn't normal.

Those children were killed many years ago and not all by strangers, Holly and Jessica knew their killer. I actually had this discussion with my DH a few days ago. Children (thankfully) don’t seem to get abducted and murdered much anymore. I remember all of those cases well because I was a child when they happened and my Gran in particular was terrified something like that would happen to me so drove anxiety into me. It doesn’t happen anymore, I guess because children are inside on iPads.

Oh ok , so now she was CHASING them down the street , but your post clearly said she ran out of her house to say hello and by that time your husband and son were gone down the road .

@Tourmalines you sound very miserable in your life to keep coming at me the way you do lol.

Would it be OK for a woman to come and grab your hand and kiss you? Would you like that?

Im not replying here anymore as usual the keyboard warriors out in force with their rude and nasty comments.

I'm done with this thread and having to keep explaining myself and idiots keep trying to berate me and talk to me like I'm weird or something.

As usual the miserable keyboard warriors ruin it.

Now you’re changing the narrative to try to justify your paranoia.
Youve gone from saying ‘hello and tilting his hat to see his face’, to having a hug .
and ‘running out of the house’ to ‘chasing my OH down the road’ 🙄

Hang on a minute, we're always hearing on countless MN threads how well behaved and amazing all kids are in Italy and everywhere else in Europe compared to - apparently - badly behaved and obnoxious British kids. Comparing other western cultures is therefore clearly perfectly acceptable generally.

It is in this case and whether or not you're "tired" of it is irrelevant.

You can’t answer the chasing bit, hmmm , ok . I’ve responded to you twice to ask logical questions. Is that supposed to make me miserable, lol . Ok . If that’s all you got .

"Chasing" 😂

Actually OP has now added that the woman asked her where she lived and other searching questions of a personal nature.

Drip drip drip.

@Tourmalines is that all you got lol? You sound like one of those football hooligans 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

Match time isn't on until tonight mate lol

I also asked you if would be OK with a random person all up on your face?
Removing your sun hat to "see your face"?
To try and hug you?
To hold your hand?

Are all these things acceptable for someone to do to you in the street?

I don't think so lol