Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

I've had people in the street speak to me and shake my hand. No niggie

Cool story, but completely irrelevant, shaking hands implies mutual consent, respect even, and is a perfectly acceptable greeting for strangers, you both stick out your hand, you shake, you let go.

Someone you don't know coming up to you, and taking you hand to hold it.. or taking off your hat 'to see your face' very different, you may be okay with it, some may not, the point is if it is clear you don't like it and you have asked the person not to do it before then it is rude of them not to respect your wishes to try to do it again. You can still have a lovely, friendly interaction with someone without having to touch and try and hug their child.

Ignore these people OP, they'll twist everything you say just so they can say they are right and you are wrong.

She’s probably lonely. It didn’t happen as much with my DS in London, but with my baby DD in the shires we get this a lot more.

I don’t disagree with not wanting them touched, but a lot of old people love babies, and enjoy seeing them (reminding them no doubt of their own DC).

I actually ended up striking up a really nice conversation with one elderly couple recently. They were lovely and it was a really life affirming encounter. Don’t be so quick to push people away if they’re harmless.

@SandyHappy Thank you. Agree 100%.

@HeyThereDelila - But that's you and your opinion. I don't want a stranger hugging my child. Simple. End of.

You are paranoid.

Of course that’s @HeyThereDelila 's opinion! That’s why you started the thread, to get people's opinions, isn’t it?

I don’t understand why you asked for opinions when you’re just discounting the ones (the large majority) you disagree with.

That's rather unkind. Everyone deserves politeness unless they're being unpleasant. This lady isn't! Maybe she has grandchildren she doesn't see often. Maybe she's lonely.
Although I agree setting boundaries with her if you feel uncomfortable about her touching your child.

Another ageist post insinuating a relatively young 60 plus woman needs to be educated by those who know better. 😂

God, I despair sometimes with this site.

YANBU OP. It's okay to not want strangers touching your child. They are a person, just because they're tiny and can't consent or dissent that doesn't mean they don't have rights and autonomy. It's a bit weird for a total strangers to try to touch a child just because they want to honestly. If you're okay with it then great, crack on. But if you're not, you don't have to tolerate it.

I had it quite a few times when mine was little. I didn't mind the odd thing, a lady gently squeezing his little feet in socks on the checkouts, someone I got into a conversation with playing with him by gently holding his hands or doing peekaboo. But some people were downright over the line. Trying to shove their finger into his mouth, during a pandemic. Trying to pick him up to cuddle him. All sorts.

As his parent you need to get used to standing up for yourself and him when you're uncomfortable, and to listening to your gut too. You can decide how you will respond next time ahead of time so you're ready. Maybe you say 'please don't stand so close, he hasn't had all of his jabs' or something. Or you say 'stop, I don't want you to touch him'. As he gets older you might feel the same, or you might feel more comfortable letting him handle it. Toddlers can often make their feelings about touch very clear! But for now it's your role to decide what you'll tolerate and be assertive if someone is making you uncomfortable.

Anyone that is trying to persuade you you're being unreasonable for this has a weird motive. Children aren't community property.

After posting this I thought about the local zumba class I attend. If anyone told our 63 year old dance teacher there were posters on mumsnet who considered her an old lady who required books to teach her the modern day ways of the world she would laugh in their face 😂

Classic AIBU post

OP: AIBU?
Most comments: actually, yeah
OP: no I’m not!!

To add, it’s fine to teach kids to be wary of strangers. “Oh hello Mrs X nice to see you, oh no thank you little Jonny likes to keep his hat on actually. Bye!”

Walk off… “well Jonny it’s nice to say hello to Mrs X isn’t it, but remember it’s ok because mummy or daddy are with you. If you were on your own you wouldn’t have to talk to her and you’re not allowed to go with her, because she’s not a trusted person in our family or friends”

A sensible approach at last but not one the OP is likely to take notice of. Far better to blank someone.

The number of times the scenario has changed over the course of the thread is baffling.

This 'old lady' must have some go in her if she can see OPs husband going past her house and get out of the house quickly enough to sprint down the street after him. 😂As if!

Perhaps she was sprinting to my Zumba class.😅We have people in their 2Os to the oldest definately in her 70s but nobody asks or bothers. Ageism is rife on this forum with so many condescending & patronising remarks about older women by insinuating everyone in the 60 plus age group are decrepit😏😂

such books are totally irrelevant. Children of that age are never unsupervised. The only danger they face are those within the family/ trusted adults

Well said

I agree with you again. OP’s been having lots of discussions with her husband, fellow parents etc about her concerns about this poor woman. I wonder if anyone has thought to do anything at all to help her or provide some community support, or have they just all been gossiping. The latter from the information that the OP has been drip feeding. Depressing stuff, death of community and all that.

OP - why did you create a thread asking AIBU if you had already made up your mind & didn't want to hear other people's opinions?

God sake the women is in her 60s not 90.

Ask for help for her in the community?
She dosent live in her house alone as I have seen people go in/ cars parked.

She makes other parents feel very uncomfortable with her unwanted physical contact and one mother is even considering contacting the local PCSO as she dosent appear to take no for an answer or respect boundaries.

Ha! This is such a windup.
Drip drip drip feed until finally people are reporting her to the police.

I think we should just skip to the end of all this drip feeding - by that time OP will have informed us that they had in fact reported the woman to police, she’s been convicted of being a wrong ‘un and banged up so we can all sleep safe in our beds. It would save a lot of time.

Ah, right, the whole village
agrees with you, to the point of them considering calling the cops…
Most people would have led with that, not chucked it in when the thread wasn’t going their way 🤔

Ah, she sounds like one of those predators we keep hearing about. Hopefully a long prison sentence will sort her out. The people going into and out of her house will be in on it as well. You just never know who's living in your community do you?