Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

What a bizarre post. But given what a friend told me who works with infants I can see how this sad state of affairs comes about. If an infant falls over in the playground you just have to leave them until they get up on their own. Not allowed to help them up or comfort them in case you are accused of being a pervert.

@BettyJoanPerske- thank you. I think it's bonkers people think a stranger is owed access to a toddler.

@WembleyArenaParkingIm sorry to hear that.

Yes her behaviour is strange, and we find it quite unsettling.

We go out daily and come across a lot of people and nobody has ever acted how she does.

The touching and attempting a hug, very odd behaviour.

When we see her next time we will say a quick hello and keep it moving or cross over.

mmm somebody's bonkers🙄

This is a very common thing to do by the elderly especially in countries like Italy. She’s probably lonely. Don’t be stressed by it.

Does the OP live in Italy?

Likewise to you. I know most abusers are men and it’s exceedingly unlikely a random elderly woman is looking to hurt a child, but it doesn’t mean that it can’t happen. Every time I drive I don’t crash my car, but I’m still going to wear my seat belt every time I drive.

Clearly though she’s just an old woman so it’s innocent and we’re monsters for thinking otherwise. Even if this is the exact attitude that allowed my grandmother to get away with what she did - so many people told me I was lucky to have such an attentive, sweet and caring grandparent.

Would the people on this thread really rather protect the feelings of a woman who repeatedly crossed very clear boundaries with very clear instructions to stop, over protecting your child and having to explain why you let an abuser get access to them and hurt them?

All these grannies who are pedos. Who woulda thunk. Beware of the grannies!

Do you not get the irony of you judging the behaviour of someone you had a face to face conversation with, and then going online!? Hilarious.

Well this is bollocks.

My son goes to nursery and on the majority of accident reports the "first aid administered" section references "...and lots of cuddles." When I collected him today he gave his key worker a cuddle, as he does every nursery day.

Your friends setting might have some odd rules, but it's disingenuous to imply this is a general rule across all settings and it's not my experience or the experience of any of my friends.

It's truly bizarre that posters are bending over backwards to defend a woman's right to touch a child she a) doesn't know and b) has been told not to touch by the parent. I can only assume the ageism signal was triggered at the mention of "old woman" since everyone is piling on with the same old tropes about villages, silver coins and modern parenting myths. All because a mum doesn't want a stranger touching her child (and neither does the child, not that that seems to matter to anyone).

My brother killed himself because of what my grandmother did to him and the attitude of people like you. He tried to speak up. He tried to do the right thing and get support and therapy. No one believed him because ‘that’s not what sweet grannies do’ or ‘it can’t have been that bad, you’re being silly’. He saw no other way out.

MOST grandmothers are lovely, but my brother is dead because people don’t believe that not all elderly women are and it’s impossible they can be monsters too.

All I am asking is that people maybe take a minute to consider that it’s not something to joke about and just because you’ve always met lovely kind women that maybe not everyone had the same experience - I don’t have my brother here today because of this attitude.

I’m done with this thread now. You all go and defend this woman, she’s obviously fine and you’d be happy to leave your child alone with her. And of course, haha, let’s laugh at everyone suggesting it could be anything sinister because that can’t ever happen.

Well its obvious why you have issues!

'I don't owe a stranger access to my child', bloody hell you really do have a problem, I feel for your child, hopefully you wont transfer your insecurities to them.

If you don't like it you have every right to tell her no.

When mine were little it was still very common for older people to press a coin into the hands of babies and toddlers. It kept me in wine for a good couple of years.

You "feel for" OP's child because she doesn't owe a stranger access to her son?

Wtf have I just read.

I'm so so sorry for what happened to your brother. For what it's worth, I think that women are absuers far more often than we like to think. The reason that this isn't known is that people shout stories down as being andectotal and 'not based on statistics'. It is very cruel.

This thread is insane. So many entitled women of a certain age.

The old lady may also be lonely, no family and loves babies.

When you are the same age as the lady, you may know what this experience feels like.

Yes but he will know his friends touching him a stranger on the other hand is totally different.

OP I’m sure there’s no need for alarm it would be different if he was on his own but he is with an adult. You have asked her to not touch him so if she continues then I would have a stern word

If you look at the post I quoted I was simply confirming that this custom is traditional in Northern England, not aware that I made any reference to the OP….

I wouldn't like this at all @housinghun.
You've made it clear to her you don't like her touching him and nor would I. If you have to pass her, I'd start ensuring your body is in the way in front of your son or lift him up so you can turn when she reaches out. I did that once when an old man reached out to ruffle my son's hair, having done it the week before at church, and I know he absolutely hates people touching him, or even talking to him, tbh! The chap looked at me aghast as his hand hung in mid air, but I thought no, you don't get to be offended, I'm offended at you, how dare you try to touch someone without their consent and then have the cheek to look upset.

My view is be kind get a grip and just whst is the world coming to?
BTW 60s is not old!

There's a lady about the same age down my road who does this, I think she probably has the start of dementia as she always asks the same questions "are they twins?", she then says God bless and kisses their heads. At first I was a bit shocked but they are 3 now and they give her a warm smile. It probably makes her day every time she sees them, I see her face light up when I say " Yes they are twins! " . You could always flip it if you feel uncomfortable about the touching by saying "oh don't touch him he's just recovering from a cold and would hate for you to get it" If the other things you say haven't worked.
But I do agree with others it's probably innocent and times have changed

Please just ignore posters who use this expression for women in their 60s. They are just trying to wind people up so they will get a response. 😂

It s just an old person being friendly. Have you been anywhere outside the UK? If you go to any Mediterranean country a hundred old ladies ll do that. And about touching to be touching if your little one was less than a year old I would understand, but a 2 year old. I think you are exaggerating in my opinion.