Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

You're (and other PP are) assuming that OP doesn't allow her son to interact with anyone. I doubt this is the case.

I have son slightly older than OP's. He's been round to my NDN house a few times (F, 80s) and she's shown him around her house, given him a tour of the garden, etc. I've seen them holding hands whilst she points out the fruit and vegetables she grows. It's lovely and I have no issue with this whatsoever because I know her and she's a "safe person" as far as my son is concerned.

But I would have an issue with a relatively unknown woman or man of any age having a sudden interest in my son and wanting to touch him, especially if I've told them not to. This is strange behaviour and I wouldn't want to send a message to my son that it's OK for strangers to touch him (in fact, this directly conflicts with what they have been teaching the pre schoolers recently at nursery).

I find all the posts suggesting this is why "the village no longer exists" incredibly disingenuous, because a) we have no idea what "village" OP has, we just know she's not happy about this specific scenario and b) community connections aren't made by asking the mum down the road if you're allowed to touch her child.

We have the same.

It is quite touching watching them interact and watching the children listening to the stories - not just from books - is lovely.

The knitting/crochet table is very popular.

Are we pretending 70 year old women have the same offending risk as men? FFS 🙄

So you've used a list of murders that occurred over a 17 year old period from 33 to 14 years ago to evidence that "times have changed." And apparently, the fact that 6 children (5 of them girls) were killed by males means that your 2 yo is at risk from a middle aged lady who says hello to you. Right.

Don't be daft. The point is that children should be taught that their boundaries need to be respected. Also, you'd be surprised by the number of female abusers there are.

How many of them were murdered by a 70 year old woman OP?

What's daft is expect us to ignore statistics and pretend 70 year old women are just as much of a risk as men, and therefore treat them exactly the same.

I didn’t say their boundaries weren’t ok. I also didn’t say it is ok to touch random children.

I didn’t assume anything about the OP.

Perhaps if they’d have led with ‘everyone finds her strange/she touches all the kids/no-one likes it/being scary and forceful’ instead of adding that later, then my answer might have been different.

But they didn’t.

Thank you for being the voice of sense. I feel awful for the OP having to absorb all these toxic messages.

What are you afraid of, OP? That's the root of it all.

Figure that out, and you'll know yourself if you're being unreasonable or not.

Read the post upthread about the woman whose grandmother was a pedophile. I have known people in my life who were assaulted by women, as well. I'm so so sick of the narrative that women are harmless. It's nonsense.

Show me where I said women are harmless, and I'll agree with you. I've said nothing that isn't factual.

I'm glad that you agree with me that women aren't harmless. Given that, I'm sure that you can understand that when a woman makes someone feel uncomfortable, then 'be kind' goes out of the window.

And based on fact, I'm sure that you can agree it is very obvious that women dont come with the same risk as men, and therefore its ridiculous to expect people to treat them the same - seeing as that was what I actually replied to and didnt say anything about being kind?

If everyone reacted this way to what is probably a very nice elderly lady who does not realise that modern mums have no time for them its going to be a very sad world in a few years.
How about trying to be nice and pleasant and get to know her a little or is that totally beyond your capability.

I just asked a neighbour who is 22 with 2 toddlers how she would react. She was in total agreement that no-one should ever touch her children. This from a young woman who has had 3 different men move in with her in the last 18 months (not all at the same time 😂) . I really feel for the next generation who will have no idea at all how to interact with others because they get given a screen whilst still in the pram because its easier for mum than her having to actually talk to them. That causes much more harm than any interaction with someone on the street whilst with mum or dad.

Its really depressing that children are being taught that everyone is a threat. Common sense and empathy has gone right out of the window.

Blank someone simply because they touch your child when you are with them- Really!

You should treat people based on how they present and what sense they give you, not just based on their sex. That's an unpopular opinion on here, but it's the stone cold truth.

Personally sounds like a lovely old lonely lady - I can’t see the harm and she probably gets joy out of seeing your son . It’s up to you if you feel uncomfortable but for me it wouldn’t make me feel that way x

Also, Holly and Jessica were killed by someone known to them through school not a stranger. Most murder and SA is not perpetrated by strangers.

I can’t help but wonder how people treat you in real life, @BettyJoanPerske ?
You don’t come across particularly well on here.

I despair at the stuff I read on here , you're being cruel OP

So was April. He was her step uncle I think. 😔

Oh get a grip! People like you give their children issues!!!

They treat me very well, because I am a kind person. I respect others' boundaries but am also not a pushover. I also have to wonder if these old women are all so lonely, is it not because they have pushed people away!?

No she's not.

@letmebetheone Beyond my capability?
Who do you think you are speaking to me as if I am a child?

I don't owe a stranger access to my child!

Myself and others find her quite creepy and and my first priority is to protect my child and not please some strange women who gives everyone creepy vibes!

Period! End of!