Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

Your son is probably beautiful, she is enamoured with him and is too old to a) run away b) kidnap him c) know kung fu .
She is probably old and lonely and thinks he's sweet. What harm an old lady would do to a toddler just by smiling and being potentially sweet and yes , people did used to be friendlier (i remember old ladies doing it to me when little ) and short of mowing you down with a mobility scooter I don't know what harm will come to you or him.
Said in jest .^

She's ignored OP's request not to touch her child. How is she lovely?

She’s not a stranger now though is she? So you needn’t be worried.

So by that logic, I should give every "stranger" who interacts with my child physical access to him, because they're no longer a stranger and therefore I shouldn't be worried. Are you a parent?

I think there is a difference between a friendly older person smiling and interacting with a child - and someone with limited boundaries getting in their face/ your face. It's hard to describe, but some people do make you feel uneasy about their behaviour. Not always in a sinister way - but in that uncomfortable/ grabby way. I think it is ok to have a polite boundary and keep it if someone is being pushy and too in your face/ your baby's face with you. It doesn't sound like OP has been rude. She's just uncomfortable as the boundary has been pushed a few times.

Both my kids have had 'pass the baby's turns when little with the ladies at my mum's WI. And we smile and chat to plenty of older people. But I have had to be quite clear with one lady (not old. Middle aged at most. Maybe 50s) who I suspected had some MH/ learning issues (but also, potentially some substance abuse issues) who wanted to touch my at the time baby and take up the rain cover to see him, when it was raining. I was very clear that was not happening and kept walking. It was very uncomfortable because she did not want to just smile/ say hi she wanted to stop us on our way home and touch my baby despite it raining and me clearly being on the way somewhere. I worried that I had both been rude and not rude enough afterwards. And this was a few years back.

As parents we really should listen to our Spidey senses when something makes us uncomfortable. We owe our children live and safety. And whilst kindness to others is important - we do not owe others our discomfort and the discomfort of our children.

Yes, she is. And no, she doesn't sound 'lovely' in the slightest.

She clearly does it to other children so I doubt it’s that the OP’s child is particularly special - sounds like she just likes kids.

That's lovely but what does it have to do with this thread?

Thank you for retracting the old lady statement. To us 60 plus rockers 😆it's more suited to late 80s plus, even then I'm not sure in it's appropriate simply because it sounds patronising & condescending 😂

Now to the point. There is absolutely no way I'd be comfortable with any stranger manhandling my young child so in my opinion OP YANBU. If she continues to do this tell her firmly to not disturb him by making physical contact due to so many viruses doing the rounds.

This! It’s OTT and if all you want is to walk to the shops in peace, someone running out of their house to stop you is just tedious after a while.

It’s absolutely fine to smile and be polite and interested in other people’s children but there are boundaries at the end of the day and for me, this would be crossing them. I’d just want to walk to the shop in peace!

@KilkennyCats Don't you watch the news?
Young kids murdered by strangers.

April Jones, James Bulger, Holly Wells, Jessica Chapman, Sarah Payne, Milly Dowler.

Im not saying for one minute this lady has ill intentions but I don't want my son getting used to talking/touching strangers on the street.

OH dosent like it either and he's quite laid back.

Other parents round here find her quite strange and are uncomfortable with her touching their kids

Ah.Now the other parents find her strange too.

Anyway, tell her to fuck off, I guess then. She really must be a pedophile scout.

To be fair, on MN if a man so much as exists, then people ascribe all kinds of nefarious motivations to his behaviour. People are only reacting because 60 plus year old women are this site's core demographic.

Your world sounds absolutely shit.

Many old people love babies and young children, I like to see it as they are reliving their past and remembering their children as babies- I find it very sweet. Old ladies and old men will always stop and chat to both my children. I think she is just being friendly and probably doesn’t think there is anything wrong with touching him as that just happened back then.

Welcome to 2026 eh.

I wouldn't have a problem if a 65- year- old man did this either. Several have with my DC. As long as my baby was in my sight.

Every one of those was killed by men of varying ages.

Anyway just avoid her if your anxiety is that bad. There are plenty of people that don’t like small children so you probably won’t get harassed

Old ladies and old men talking to my children, absolutely fine.

Strange* men and women (of any age) touching my children, asking to touch my children, continuing to touch my children when I've told them not to, not fine.

*Strange in this context to mean those I don't have a relationship or association with.

You may not, but most on here would. As I commented earlier, if OP had been talking about an old men people would have rushed to validate her.

That isn't relevant that they were killed by men. The point is that strangers approaching children in a weird way is not ok. I get so tired of people on this site pretending that all women are saints.

I don’t think I said that it was a comparison but I do see your point.

People are of course entitled to do as they see fit when it comes to their child.

But the old lady/dementia scenarios are troublesome as I am in that bracket. As is the vague comparison to assault.

I was different in my village growing up and me and my siblings were passed round from pillar to post. It was how it was. My bankie was full of lucky coins. A person who was lucky enough to travel sought out some dolls with my skin colour.

And these same people still watch out for me walking home after my shift. They say they can’t settle until they know I’m home safe many decades later.

I am blessed to have them in my life and

My neighbours were also strangers until I spoke to them.

I suppose I just think it is a shame to be so distrusting and to possibly miss out on the types of lovely relations with people I have now but sadly I also suppose it is changed days - whatever that is.

There were bad people around when I was young too.

Unless you plan to let your two year old navigate the streets by himself, he’s quite safe.
He’ll be as safe as any other kid when he’s older, too.
Chatting to an elderly lady as a two year old while his Mum stands right there beside him will not have any long term repercussions.

Fine line between teaching your son to be careful and being over protective. I always loved it when my son got attention and it was easy to manage. Relax a bit.

My grandmother was a pedophile - she especially liked little boys. I’m so tired of this narrative that old women are always harmless (although I know most are). Would everyone here be saying it’s innocent and act the same way if it was an elderly man of the same age as this woman to a baby girl?

If it was just a hello in a shop or one incident where she lifted their hat, I would say you were overreacting, but running out of a house to see your child and the amount of unusual interactions you’ve had make me uncomfortable.

She is probably innocent, but it’s better to hurt her feelings than the unthinkable happen to your child. Please protect your child OP - plenty of people were hurt by my grandmother because she was a woman and no one ever assumes women can be pedophiles.

Honestly what is wrong with you? She sounds like a lonely lady who loves to see children. I think you should show a little kindness and stop being so entitled.

Go to a different shop then. God almighty, the world has gone mad.