Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

I find that people in black and white photos always look older! We were looking at one of those whole school photos from the '60s and we were amazed at how old we all looked, yet the eldest would be 18/19, even teachers we knew were in their mid/late 20s looked 40+ .

I couldn't agree more. Autistic tendencies, anxiety, social awkwardness, and no friendly interaction seem to be the norm for too many oddballs on here.I've read posts on here from people who genuinely won't answer the door or the phone if they're not expecting anyone because they're 'anxious and worried' about who it might be. Jesus Christ, have you ever in your entire life heard so much nonsense?

And we wonder why people are lonely and isolated with no village when we eschew all harmless social interaction.

This kind of response to a what I see as a normal social interaction makes me so sad. I guess it's best we all just walk around plugged into our phones in case we offensively make eye contact or start to think about talking to the people around us.

Social isolation can cause dementia? And there was me thinking all the different forms of dementia have various physical causes which have a detrimental effect on brain function.

I would be enchanted if that happened. If an adult tried to do it, I would say 'Please don't do that' and move away.

I'm just absolutely amazed at the number of pp who have taken exception to me pointing out that social isolation can cause a person to develop dementia.
This is hardly new knowledge and is well documented.

I know, it’s really true that it takes a village, to bring up children and honour the elders too.

isolation units in prison are well known for the high rates of psychosis thst occurs there. The brain fails when it is out of communication.

I’m 70. I wouldn’t dream of trying to touch some1 else’s child & am fairly staggered that I’m in the minority by voting YANBU.
I wonder slightly if this was an older male attempting to touch the child whether others would feel the same?

Same with my lovely mum in law. One of the early signs of her dementia was her approaching mums with babies or young children. It was with pure warmth and affection but I understood that some mothers felt a bit awkward. I'm forever grateful to those mums who recognised what was happening and were understanding and actively warm to her in return.

There we go then. Everyone has boundaries and everyone is different. So best thing is to accept the boundaries once stated.

It's the "they may have dementia" replies that crop up whenever there are any threads about older people that amuse me

I agree, which is why I said OP should quietly move her toddler away if he shows he doesn't like this neighbour touching him.

So to all these people who say it is fine that an old lady touches this child (in an appropriate way)… I assume you are ok with random old people approaching you and touching you???
OP - you don’t owe the lady anything, and as a child I absolutely hated it when strangers wanted to interact with me, never mind touch me.

I think you are very wise to be careful who taka to your son. I am the same with my 2 year old son. I never let anyone that I don't know get too friendly with him. It could make him too trusting if strangers which could be dangerous in our current society

The family next door to me have 3 young children who are a delight and although i am by Mumsnet standards an old bag they seem to like me, always chatting, ; in fact they often initiate a conversation if they are playing out and I am coming home. I would never touch them though, but one time when the little girl was showing me the mehndi she had done for Eid i did touch her fingertips to get a better look.

In this case, it is relevant though. As with my MIL and a pp's relative, nostalgic love of small children combined with a lack of filter combine to make this a common element of early dementia. Several of the ladies in MIL's dementia care home were given baby dolls which they carried around most of the time. The dolls calmed them and made them happy.

Initially I found it a bit odd, but soon I canme to recognise the benefits, and would occasionally chat to the ladies about their babies.

My children learned very early on, that taking to people they didn't know when they were with mummy or daddy was okay, but not if they were alone. You don't have to throw the baby out with the bath water.
No pun intended.

Smiling, waving or saying hello is one thing, but trying to remove your son's hat or touch him without your permission crosses a boundary for many parents.
It may well be completely innocent, but you're entitled to decide what you're comfortable with. A polite but firm "Please don't touch him, thank you" is perfectly reasonable if it happens again.

Social interaction is a factor that helps delay the onset. I wouldn't say it causes it though.

Social isolation and dementia risk | Alzheimer's Society https://share.google/5WZ0pXFPVWXk2EKjT

We don't want our little ones becoming so obliging to strangers that they are at risk of sexual assault, but there is another extreme too, and that's that they become so resistant to ordinary physical touch that they struggle to form healthy close relationships.

What makes you think that OP is shielding her child from any and all physical touch?

I am perfectly happy for my son to hug friends, family members and nursery workers. I would not be happy with a stranger asking to hug him.

I would hazard a guess that OP is the same.

It’s such a short period of time where you’ll have a fuss made of you out and about just because you’re a baby/ toddler. I remember how sad it was for my youngest who was a Covid baby and missed out on it. It’s always happened, don’t deprive your son of normal experiences just because…..
She’s not doing anything weird or inappropriate.

There's some real miserable fuckers on here, no wonder people are struggling with loneliness and social isolation.
Op, get a bloody grip!

Assault. I think you need to get a grip.

Em, phrasing.

It would be a much better world if we all cared a bit more. The old man and lady who just helped a young mum on the bus with her pram didn't HAVE to help her. We don't have to care about racism/homophobia etc. But being nice to people makes a nicer world, and encouraging a child to be sociable and friendly is important to them too. So many older kids are struggling to find jobs, and the ones who manage it tend to have good social skills and talk happily with new people.