Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

All infants and children should only be viewed from 4 metres away and from behind plexiglass. No hand gestures, such as waving allowed, lest it be viewed as offensive. No calling out "hello" in case it's too loud, triggering, or they don't speak English. Applications to view said infant or child should be submitted in writing three working days prior to viewing and accompanied by two references and an enhanced DBS check.

When passing an infant or child in the street or supermarket, eyes should be averted and all limbs firmly out of the way. If they happen to speak to you, reach out cheerfully to greet you or otherwise initiate interaction, you should stand stock still, close your eyes firmly and count to 300 slowly. If they drop a toy, step over said toy and ignore any wailing or protestations as it will now be contaminated with billions of unknown and dangerous micro organisms, the least of which can totally destroy the brain.

No other human being should touch or meaningfully interact with the child until they reach the age of 18 and are carrying an identity card.

I agree with posters saying she's likely a lonely old lady looking for a bit of company. Older generations love connecting with young children - it reminds them of when they were young parents themselves. Maybe she doesn't have any grandchildren or, if she does, they live far away. She might not be aware of social conventions these days.
I understand the discomfort from her trying to take his hand and trying to give him a hug - that should be limited to family and familiar trusted adults. Just set the boundary, smile at her in passing, exchange pleasantries if you have the time and move on!

You are, of course, within your rights to ask the lady not to touch your child, that is up to you, but no toddler has been traumatised by an 'elderly' lady stroking their hand or chatting to them or whatever; in fact, it's teaching them super important social skills, particularly how to differentiate between good and bad touch.

Allowing a stranger to touch your toddler sends a confusing and potentially dangerous message to them at an impressionable age (my son is slightly older and has recently learned about "safe" grown ups at home and nursery. Letting a stranger touch him would totally contradict this).

This post is exactly why no one has a "village" any more.

I think you are being precious and ridiculous.

Your posts all seem very angry.

If you approach life like this you truly must be exhausted.

The vast number of people are not a threat.

When you're there with your child there is no kidnap risk unless armed bandits swarm and let's put that at a 0.000000% probability.

Some people are odd. That doesn't mean they are dangerous. It's OK to teach kids that sometimes people we don't know will talk to us and how to be polite and respectful whilst also maintaining boundaries. That's how we learn how to exist in a community.

You're pathetic. Hth

You are precious actually. Most sane people accept boundaries without getting offended. I have a village and everyone in it respects boundaries I set for my child. If they didnt, I'd say cya!

Rubbish.

We don't have a village anymore because OP doesn't want a stranger chasing her toddler down the street and asking if she can touch him?

I think you are very odd, and this entire post makes me sad.

Older generation have always been like this. Nothing you describe sounds off, countries italy and Portugal would stop us and tell us what a gorgeous baby our child is and even touch their cheeks. You sound robotic. Do You have paranoia? I am not being off with you but It all just sounds all very nice and something good humans do and with all coldness and paranoid of each other it's weird leading us into a sad unhappy future world where no one is allowed to show happy emotions towards kids. 3

The story seems to have moved on to this 'stranger' (who the child has seen a few times and the mother has talked to) 'chasing the child down the street'.
I thought she came out of her house to talk to them.
Still, it makes the story all the more dramatic I suppose.
I'm sticking around for the post when she abducted him.

Unless you've got some personal trauma you haven't mentioned, this is deeply, deeply weird.

If she was asking to kiss him or being invasive of his personal space then no, you'd bat that off politely but I think you're acting insane towards a lonely neighbour.

I mean 60s is hardly elderly is it? Don’t touch other people’s kids - not a hard rule to stick to for most, especially if you’ve already been asked.

Trust me, you will 😁

Its a good way to model to your toddler how we set boundaries. Just say please don't touch him, you're a stranger and he doesn't like that. Don't let him grow up thinking he has to put up with being touched when he isn't comfortable just to be polite.

I think loads of the comments here are nuts. If the OP had written the same post but with a middle aged man you'd all be saying something very different. I thought everyone hated sexism and agism on here?

I have a 2 year old and think you are being ridiculous. These small interactions probably make her day!

My kid was a little older than yours when an "old lady" befriended him. A next door neighbour. She bought him sweets when she went shopping. Hed wait around by the hedge when he saw her car. Over the next 6 years, they became quite close. It transpired she had absolutely no one. During covid my son would pick flowers and leave notes for her on her doorstep. She bought him all the books she loved a child. She became more and more frail. In her last months, he used to go to hers and play her tunes on his tim whistle while I made her tea.

I know the friendship they had was really important for her. But actually, it really helped form my kid in some ways. I could see learning how to express empathy. It was amazing. I'm deeply grateful to that "old woman".

I'm not saying your neighbour is the same... But just wait and see. You might be surprised at how much elderly neighbours can give to small children and how valuable that contribution can be.

She sounds lovely. I always used to stop and chat to old ladies when I was out with my babies/toddlers. Ds1 in particular loved it. I always used to let the adults with learning disabilities at church hold him and it made their day. I'm not elderly but I'm past the age of having little ones. I'm always grateful to anyone who lets me interact with their babies/toddlers. I used to work with little ones and I really miss it.

Its a sad day when you are scared of an elderly woman being nice to your child.

That isn’t a good comparison.

If a man tried to change a woman’s underwear it would be assault. Yet adults do it to babies and toddlers as part of caring for them.

How else do you interpret this?

She had come running out the house and shouted "hello."

I would find it incredibly strange if I woman I've met a few times (and in those interactions focused on and asked to touch my child), came running out of her house to speak to him as we walked past.

Also, the hyperbole goes two ways here. There are plenty of people on this thread who seem to think this post symbolises the downfall of society as we know it.

YANBU

I have the same issue with a baby and toddler often in M&S, we would be in a lift and people (young and old women) will try to caress their cheeks or heads.

I say out loud “Please don’t touch them, it’s not ok to touch stranger’s children”

You don’t owe strangers an interaction with your child. The argument of them being a “lonely old lady”, is frankly ridiculous. If they are lonely, join a club.

I think she must be older as I, at 64, know you don’t touch other people’s kids, I wouldn’t even pat a dog’s head without enquiring with the owner if it was ok (although that might be more becsuse I don’t know if it’ll bite me 😬). I come from a generation that, as a kid, was forced to hug and kiss relatives and just put up with people putting their hands on your shoulders (which I hate!) etc, so I am very aware of personal boundaries and glad they are more of a thing today. I wouldn’t blank her though if she was otherwise fine.

Exactly.