Old lady keeps approaching my toddler, making me feel uncomfortable

[housinghun]

I have a 2 year old and and when we go out sometimes we will see an older lady (about 60s early 70s) and she will always approach my son.

It started off as "Can I say hello?".
I agreed.

Next time she attempted to remove his cap "to see his face".
This made me feel extremely uncomfortable, touching my son.

OH took our son out last week and he told me that an old lady had smiled through the window at them as they walked past.
She had come running out the house and shouted "hello" but by that time they were gone down the road.
It was her.
I had never really mentioned this to him and this was the first time he has seen her.

I know it's innocent but it makes me feel really uncomfortable now going past as I don't want a stranger touching my son.

I did tell her "please don't touch him" as I don't want him getting used to strangers touching him.

I am over protective of my son but just wanted others views.
AIBU to feel this way?

AIBU

I was about to say stay away from Ireland if you don't like that kind of thing, but someone has beaten me to it, you'd have a fit 😅

Lookit, our job as parents is to rear our children to become decent, functioning members of society who can contribute positively to humanity. That starts at babyhood with these lovely kinds of interactions.

You are, of course, within your rights to ask the lady not to touch your child, that is up to you, but no toddler has been traumatised by an 'elderly' lady stroking their hand or chatting to them or whatever; in fact, it's teaching them super important social skills, particularly how to differentiate between good and bad touch.

As for not owing people politeness, of course we do; it should be the go to to be polite to others around us. How awful if it wasn't!

We will end up with a generation of people who don't know how to interact with each other in a normal fashion, think critically, or distinguish normal patterns of behaviour from abnormal ones if we create anxiety, stress and drama out of normal human interactions.

My daughter has a weekly ritual of visiting all her favourite charity shop ladies and imo it's a wonderful way for her to feel like part of the community- and also to learn how to interact with people of all ages.

A few months ago (I think it was one of those very hot days in May) she wasn't dealing well with the heat, we had a few stressful things going on, and she was really quite rude to one of the ladies who we pop in to see most weeks. The lady was shocked by it and I was absolutely mortified and took her straight home.

Anyway, a few weeks later, we went back and prepared in advance, she was nervous to see her again as she knew she'd been rude, but she found her, apologised and explained that she got a bit hot and bothered that day. The lady said she was forgiven, thanked her for apologising, and they had a hug.

That might just be a few minutes out of that lady's weekly volunteering but for a 6 yo, she's learned something valuable about losing your temper, doing the right thing to fix your mistake even when it feels scary, and repairing a connection.

That's massive for her development.

Born and raised in London as were my 90s born DC. This was totally normal and it was considered lucky if the child held onto the coin.

Amazingly none of them died as a consequence.

a neighbour, who you know.
another adult where you instigated the interaction.

and if the lady had said "please don't hug me" you would've stopped and I doubt you would've thought she was wrong to ask that.

until a toddler is old enough parents should be able enforce their boundaries especially when it comes to their bodies and strangers.

she doesn't know this woman and clearly hasn't interacted with her until she came over to meet her child. she is a stranger. it is perfectly ok to ask a stranger not to touch you or your child.

It very weird that so many people think this is unreasonable thing to request from stranger. being a women doesn't absolve you from having to respect peoples requests about their bodies .

Personally I’ve always put more trust in my brain than my gut or mythical spider senses.

Try it, it makes for a much calmer life.

Possibly the most horrible thing I have read on MN this week (and that's going some!) and the exact reason why the world is such a dark and depressing place right now.

OP, I think you need to get a grip on this anxiety.

@ThatJadeLion I agree wholeheartedly with you, that's me for the internet today, too. I hope you have a nice afternoon living out in the real world today. If I see you, I will smile and possibly stop for a chat, despite being an "old lady".

This. Give her a bit of your time.

Just reiterate your boundary if she tries to touch him again.

You and your son might be the only interaction she had all day/week. It might be you in years to come.

Thank you. Finally someone speaks sense.

At the end of the day op everyone is presuming she's lonely etc but even if she is that's not your problem.

These comments are insane. You don't owe this woman politeness, I would blank her next time.

These comments (I've old read the first two pages so far - there may be more) are utterly and unimaginably rude. I despair of what we have become. When has it become anywhere near acceptable to 'blank' someone for talking to your child and when did we become so transactional that 'not owing' someone politeness is considered a reasonable way to behave.

I cannot tell you how angry and despairing these posts have made me.

The self-centeredness and self-importance is off the scale.

Actually, so do I. However mostly on Mumnset, people completely trust in 'spider senses'. I was just pointing out the double standards. If the post was about an old man or a young woman, I can tell you that the responses would have been totally different. People on here only think 'old women' have a right to do whatever they want.

Oh FFS get a grip and realise that the world has moved on.

Catastrophising much? 'Walk the gauntlet'? (It's 'run the gauntlet' btw.) 'Lure him away'? With his mother standing right there? I despair, I really do.

My world hasn't, nor do I want it to. I certainly don't want to live in yours.

If you hadn't mentioned her age you would have had more sensible responses. MN is obsessed with ageism so your thread title is acting as a beacon for melodramatic comments about the state of the world, etc.

Of course it's not OK for a stranger to touch your child, unless they're a healthcare professional. It doesn't matter if someone is lonely, asking if you can touch or hug a strangers child is really strange behaviour and it's perfectly acceptable for you to say no to this.

I know it's "run the gauntlet" thanks. The OP is walking. Hence my adaptation of the well known saying.
I did say that luring him away would probably be an unreasonable assumption, in my post. But despair away, and really do, enjoy yourself!

I just love it when someone makes a comment that tees me up for my favorite emoji that I don't get to use very often: 🙄🙄

Exactly. Are we supposed to celebrate a world where no one talks to or interacts with each other unless there is a benefit to them.
We need to stop this madness now or today's children will grow older in a world that terrifies them.

Blanking a lady whose only crime is touching his cap

ffs! It is not assault!

just tell her i am training him to not allow strangers to touch him

midel and demonstrate setting boundaries

If a man did this to a woman it would be called assault so why is it OK for someone to do this to a child?

Unless it was her breasts, genitals, bum or upper thighs he touched, it wouldn't be called assault.

Oh give over.

OP will be fine. Loads of people will help you without touching your toddler when youve told them not to. I am routinely helped by strangers and literally none of them have touched my toddler as a reward for their kindness 😂

Of course it's not OK for a stranger to touch your child

Why?
If by not allowing a friendly lady to pat your toddler on the head when you are present makes you think you are teaching him about paedophiles, you are sadly mistaken.

Most sane people can have lovely interactions without touching someone. I have great interactions with strangers every day but I can't remember the last time I touched one.

What do you mean by saying the people on this thread can’t have it both ways? Do you think everyone should have the same opinion? Why can’t there be differing viewpoints on a thread? Have you never read threads where half the people say yes you're right and half the people say no you're wrong?

I feel saddened by this post. You have an older woman who is showing friendliness to you and your son who may well be being more disinhibited than she once was. Try showing some compassion.
All you need to say is - ‘ remember what I said about touching my son’ and just gently move between them. You need to be careful that you don’t let your son see your anxiety as he may well pick up on it and see older women or anyone who is friendly as a threat.