AIBU to set a summer schedule for my kids this summer holidays?

[livingthroughchaossince2010]

I have 5 children, the oldest is 16, the youngest is 5. With the summer holidays coming up I realised that I don't have to have summer be as stressful as possible! We are going abroad for 2 weeks but we are home for the other 4 weeks. And every year I lose my mind during the summer holidays. All 5 kids being home for 6 weeks is a recipe for absolute disaster! So I am trying to set a schedule this year, hoping for the best. The schedule is:

Everyday: Everyone is awake by 9am, chores whilst breakfast is being made, clean up after breakfast, 30 minutes of school work to avoid the school slide over the summer, lunch, every evening one of the kids helps cook dinner, dinner, give the house a quick tidy, then for the younger kids it's bath then reading then bed at 9:30pm
Monday: Creative Monday - Build something, do some arts and crafts, be creative
Tuesday: Trip Tuesday - Go on a trip to the zoo, aquarium, a day trip, beach day
Wednesday: Water Wednesday - Go to the swimming pool, a splash park, see if there is any water parks, maybe turn the garden into a mini water park - if its raining then we change the plans of course
Thursday: Thinking Thursday - Library every week then we go to a museum, historical location or we go to an event that is encouraging learning
Friday: Friday fun day - Bowling, Mini golf, cinema, theatre and then we have a family movie night at home that evening
Saturday: Relax - We have no plans!
Sunday: Sunday Reset day - clean the house to have a nice clean house for the week ahead, my DH and I will plan for the week ahead and meal plan, family takeaway night

The teenagers obviously don't have to follow the day to day schedule. They have to be up by 9am, do chores and do their school work but they don't have to come with us to every location we go to during the week. This schedule is more for the younger kids benefit!

I told another mum my plans earlier this morning, she thought I was bloody mental for trying to schedule the summer holidays! Apparently the summer holidays are for relaxing and no plans but every year I go insane and this feels like an efficient way to solve the yearly summer holidays stress! My kids thrive when they have a routine.

Am I unreasonable for setting a summer schedule this summer?

The teens will probably hate getting up at 9am. They’ll just go back to bed when you’re on one of your scheduled days out.

Chores and work don’t need to be done early, you have just decided you want them to be. When you live with others, you have to accept people doing things differently if everyone is to be happy.

You chose to have lots of kids and because you can’t cope well in the holidays, your kids are having to face unnecessary consequences.

Younger kids can be in bed earlier, up earlier and loosely follow your plan. It’s rubbish for the older ones who want to stay up later and should be able to plan their own day.

Not all do though, mine don’t. OP shouldn’t be forcing them up unless they have to go somewhere at a certain time but if they’re already up that early then fair enough.

My teens are up around 6:30/7 on a weekday for school but the holidays will be flexible. The younger teen likes to be up and out with friends and the older teen likes to sleep. I like to sleep. As a term time worker in schools is will not be up and dressed by 9. Even when the kids were younger they got themselves up and had something to eat whilst I had a longer sleep then mornings were very slow and we would often got out but not until the afternoon.

I am more of a check the weather for the week and decide what we might be doing nearer the time. When kids were younger we needed to be out somewhere most days as they didn’t like being in. Youngest still doesn’t. So the idea of planning activities for the younger kids would work for me ok just not the prescribed be up and dressed times.

Oh and I’m an ex teacher and don’t think they need to be doing school work over the holidays. Encourage reading time but not necessarily first thing in the morning.

I think this sounds great and im
very tempted to steal this as a loose plan!

No, not all do but it’s far from uncommon.

And of course choosing to be up for 9am is very different to having it forced on you which is what the OP is proposing.

I'd say it sounds reasonable, but it may be wise to remove some restrictions for the first few days, and then get the kids involved in 'planning' so they feel invested.

Maybe lie ins and a weekend at home for the first weekend with no plans, then a family meeting on Monday1, where you go over rules, take suggestions on things they want to do and meals they want to have, and go shopping for supplies (Eg craft stuff, workbooks for school stuff, visit the library for books and to pick up leaflets on local attractions). Then whack up a visible schedule and calendar and point out where their input as been (Eg if they all pick a trip for fun Friday, you can go Alex you picked bowling, so this week is your choice, or you can put 'fun Friday - Alex's choice' if you don't want it as organised in advance.)
I'd also say, you need some novelty involved the kids will remember, so maybe one Saturday make it 'sunset Saturday' and don't explain in advance, but on that day, everyone stays up and you go picnic in a park and let the rids run round and then watch the sunset. Can also do a 'sunrise Sunday' where one Sunday you get them up super early and go somewhere to watch the sunrise and have breakfast (portable) out the house. Maybe one Thursday becomes 'tie dye' Thursday, where you make t-shirts and wear them out for friday., one day you could put 'parks' and aim to visit ALL the parks in your local area.
I'd also include a meal plan, and consider not cooking breakfast every day - cereals, yogurts, fruit, pastries etc they could help themselves to. I'd go for similar with snacks/ lunch too, packed lunches for trips where they make their own (older ones or you can make sandwiches for younger ones if required).

Fully commend you for 30 mins of schoolwork a day! Grab a couple of workbooks or print out a few worksheets per day at the start of summer to ease the stress of organising, but it's so important to keep the young ones reading, writing and doing a bit of maths, and the older ones connected to their subjects, especially if 16 year old is moving onto a-levels. I'd recommend a chat with them now (presumably they've had lots of lazy post-exam leave anyway), about what they need to be prepared for their chosen subjects (even if a college btech type course), and that you want them in the best position possible, and get recommend reading, handbooks, study guides etc in now. All the people I know who did super well in university who took a gap year did an hour a day of their subject for at least half the year before coming, and it builds up so easily! I'd also highly recommend having them keep a summer diary, so in the evening they write about what they did that day as part of their evening before bed routing (great for preventing summer slide, and also for kids with learning difficulties like dyslexia to practice in an environment without pressure!)

Lots of people commenting on the 9am start, but for kids with two working parents who can't take all summer off, they'll likely be up and out the house long before this most days. 9am sounds fine of your kids are usually up by then!

Also, post the schedule up somewhere visible so everyone can read it (use pictures if needed for the youngest!). This means you can just say 'what does the schedule say you should be doing' when they say 'im bored/ what should I do/ I don't know what to do...'. I'd also consider putting together baskets of toys and stuff now, or rotate through with the supplies for each 'day' in to make it easier ( Eg general craft stuff for Mondays, towels goggles and water guns for Wednesday, box of Lego to pull out as needed, grab and go bag with water bottles, first aid kit, sun hats, suncream etc).

This sounds horrendous. Teens need lie ins and some rest and freedom.. the holidays are probably stressful because you need so much control. Relax a bit

I think your routine imsounds great and why shouldn’t they be up by 9am? Soon enough they’ll likely need to be in a sleep pattern that most of the western world follows. I let mine do as they pleased and now they’re entitled and have zero resilience (writing this as I’m helping an adult one out with something they should be able to do without my help when I really don’t have the time) when I’ve come in here to moan I’ve been told that I’m reaping what I sowed! But you’re unrealistic to expect them to be up at a teqonsable time and help out! You can’t win!! I hope it goes well for you and that you end up with well rounded, resilient, functioning adult children because of it.

You shouldn't have had 5 kids if the home can't function without them doing regimented chores and activities.

This sounds utterly horrendous. Your 16 y.o must have just finished exams but you want them to do school work. My mum was a bit like you annd obsessed with doing chores and getting up as some sort of proof of worthiness. Even now she will say things like ooohh I couldn’t read a book in the middle of the day as of this is some sign of moral decrepitude. So long as they aren’t rude and do help out leave them be. Your kids didn’t choose to be one of five, it’s not their job to manage that.

YANBU to want more routine and structure if it works for you. I’ll be doing similar, if not as rigidly, to ensure a good mix of play, free time, outings, family visits, walks etc and a bit of school type work.

Now that would drive me mad. Sleeping in a bit? Fine. Totally inverting day & night? Not a chance. That’s disruptive to the family and not good for the teen.

There’s a middle ground between OP’s military style approach and having everything go to hell in a hand cart 😂

Drives me mad too but she only has a few days free between her summer job and camp so I'm letting it slide.

I had more than 2 dc.
We did the 'asking them what they want to do over the holidays' thing too, and mine have always been expected to do jobs around the house, BUT holidays should be a time to relax.
'Play it by ear' around the things that are fixed (family holiday, and Scout camp).

The Summer holidays would also include things like dentist appts, optician appts, usually needing to get new school shoes, etc. There would always be days when they needed to sort out their rooms, or have a big 'try on' session and put out clothes they'd outgrown and then sometimes a shopping day when they need replacements. Even if you are lucky enough to be at home with them, eery day doesn't have to be all about them having forced fun.

It is ludicrous to think you can treat teens like 5 yr olds, and doing them a real disservice.

I had four DC in the space of five years and I dreaded the long summer holidays. Impossible to please all 4 of them.Give it a go & see how it goes. Good luck .

More power to your elbow OP! I think it's easy to see some entitlement in some of the answers. They sound like the'Kevin & Perry, 'It's not fair!!!!' OP isn't scheduling every minute of the day. If day is designated for Craft, that doesn't mean they have to do Craft all day! It's sensible to suggest activities for each day because then the kids can get down to doing something, e.g. chose their craft activity rather than trying to decide if they do craft/water activities/visits each day. This is the essence of planning & organisation. When we menu plan and decide Monday is mince, Tues chicken etc., it means there are fewer decisions to make each day. As for children being soooo exhausted by school that they need to sleep all day in the hols...are they staying up all night on laptops? And half an hour of chores is hardly occupying/scheduling the whole day, is it? The OP isn't on holiday so it's sensible that the children who are on holiday, do a little to help. And the OP's work is funding the trips and activities mentioned. I'm not a fan of kids doing worksheets in the hols - or even in school for that matter, but for many of them, organising something which they enjoy but also contributes to their education is a good thing.

Surely the best thing about teenagers is that they lie in so you don't have to deal with them for several hours a day. My youngest is 13 now, I'm not working since end of June and am having the time of my life. Getting up around 8.30 and having a lazy coffee in my PJs before I do whatever the hell I want, they arise around 10.30 or 11. After 18 long years of parenting I finally have freedom and peace. When eldest was a teen I had to get up with little ones and I also found it a much better dynamic to spend time doing age appropriate stuff with them without the distraction or inevitable stupid arguments. Enjoy the teen free time I say!

But just because they have to wake up at 6:30am during the school year doesn’t mean sleeping past 9am in the summer is unreasonable.

Your household rules sounds like my nightmare living situation. I’ve never heard of anyone making their kids follow such a strict schedule during the summer.

Give them a break!

I've only got 2 kids, but I like the summer holidays, I enjoy hanging out with the kids as much as I can. We have a base list of potential activities (think cinema, go ape, bowling, bike riding, rounders in the field, seasonal events like maize maze) and kids tend to alternate picking something off the list as and when we have time off to take them somewhere. I definitely couldn't deal with every Thursday rigidly being library day. Maybe it will work for you, but I you might need to be more flexible with it.

This. Why do your teenagers have to be up at 9? I can't imagine controlling the sleep schedule of a 16 year old. That aside, the ideas are nice but a bit prescriptive and exhausting. Do your kids not get to just play?

Are you always this controlling?

My thoughts exactly!

Why do people think the teens need a rest? The school days are short, most of them don't have Saturday jobs, and they increasingly don't go out much. Is it to get a break from all the scrolling?

I couldn't do this... Kids need to relax and decompress. Why not just book one day trip for each week but go with the flow the rest of the holidays by making a list of things you could do and pick one each day. Then you can be flexible on weather appropriate activities and energy levels etc. Surely lots of what you have scheduled may depend on weather etc. so will all end up moved around anyway.

This is pretty much what I do for my just turned 7 year old. She does so much better with routines. I can see how it wouldn’t be for everyone but it works for us. Sounds lovely to me!