My mum has thrown away over £150 worth of makeup and medication

[nostyleandnoclothes]

I have a small pouch that I carry around with me everyday. It’s got a lot of medication in it (antihistamines, painkillers, stomach medicine), as well as 5 lip sticks and 4 lip liners. In total it comes to over £150 worth of stuff in a space NK small pounce (which is expensive in itself!).

I was at my mum’s on Thursday night when she complained about her having bad hay fever. I pulled out the pouch and handed it to her, and although I thought I’d put it back in my bag I must’ve left it on the side. I realised tonight it’s missing as I’ve gone through my bag ahead of work tomorrow and she’s admitted that she has thrown it away.

AIBU to say she should replace it? Both the makeup and medication she’s thrown away?

Tbh, I’d be quite upset that my mum didn’t care she’d thrown my stuff away. This sort of thing can happen by accident, but normally you apologise for accidents and do what you can to rectify it. In this case she should replace the items she carelessly threw away. As for rooting through the bin for it - I’m not particularly precious about germs but I wouldn’t be using make up which has been in a general waste bin for days!

The whole debacle is really weird, and though you say she has no cognitive decline, it would make me wonder if perhaps she has been masking quite well - also, if you see her regularly, it can be difficult to notice these things as they creep up slowly.

I also wonder if her strange reaction (refusal to either look for it or replace at least some of the items) is further evidence of cognitive decline?

As for what I would expect in terms of reparation? If it was a friend or family member who had a lot more money than me (as, you say, in this case) then I would definitely hope to see the items replaced, or some effort towards this. (If it was someone poorer than me, I wouldn't insist.)

I have to say I am surprised at both of your attitudes towards looking in the rubbish, especially that you would rather lose £150 worth of goods than do so. I get that it isn't pleasant, but surely you could do plastic gloves, a face mask even..... Unless there is, I dunno, vomit or human excrement in there, I just don't see that it can be that bad.

Do you have a bit of a phobuc response to it perhaps? I know some people are beyond just a bit disgusted and actually can't touch certain things.... If so don't you have a friend or family member who could have a look? (I am the Dealer With Disgusting Things in my family, with my daughter looking set to inherit this role - recently she unflinchingly scooped up a decaying rat corpse on a spade because her dad couldn't go near it.). My point is, surely not everyone you know shares this litter-aversion? All this - the waste, the fall out with your mom - could be avoided by someone having a quick poke in there. The pitch probably needs to be disgaurded, but I imagine the contents are protected in there and all fine!

I’m shocked there are so many people who would happily use lipsticks or take medication that has been in the bin with heat rotting food?! Disgusting 🤢

The vast majority of lipsticks say they should be used within 12months of opening, so surely they should have been binned anyway.

After saying that I’d be so angry at their attitude towards your belongings. I would ask her to replace the lipsticks.

I think it’s a judgement call on what you find
we have separate food waste collection so no food in main bin nothing particularly dirt clean dry waste really

I think she need a common sense approach retrieve it if it’s smeared in the remains of a Sunday dinner bin it if it’s dry and reasonably clean salvage it
as strange as it sound with recycling bins and food waste bin our grey bin isn’t to rotting cess pit everyone else’s seems to be I’d fish it out

Take some responsibility for forgetting a personal item at your parents?

How odd

OP has said several times her parents don’t have a separate food waste collection

The lipsticks probably aren't in direct contact with food waste. There will be lots of other stuff in there as well. The mother has such a flippant attitude to throwing stuff away that no doubt it is full of other unnecessarily discarded items.

No-one has any idea about the state of the lipsticks unless they are found from the bin. Chances are that they may still be usable or they may not be. To refuse to even look and assess is extremely wasteful (and expensive).

You are both as bad as each other

you left it. She chucked it

you won’t go and try and retrieve it

yes going through a bin isn’t nice but gloves

all the stuff will be inside the pouch clean and un damaged

maybe need a new purse /bag or might be able to wash it

but to not even try is madness

This. No sympathy if you can’t be bothered to look.

Where does she live? I'll dig 'em out for you.
It's not that bad a task.
Quickly tip out the contents and bin the fabric bag. A sandwich bag will do till you can get home and wash your items.

By this metric, if she left her handbag here as she’s been known to do, I could throw it in the bin and it would be fine?!

She’s lying, no one does that

Does noone else think mum has just nicked the bag and then lied about the bin? I haven't rtft, just ops replies it doesn't seem to have come up yet. That would be my first thought to be honest!

It has to be retrieved by Wednesday and the sooner you do it, the less nasty it is.

I absolutely cannot believe she is refusing to replace your stuff that SHE threw away! She’s completely out of order and no, you shouldn’t be rooting around in the bin for it!

I dropped something in my kitchen bin by accident the other day and tried to retrieve it, it was heavy and had gone to the bottom and there was maggots in there 🤢 I chucked the whole thing away and replaced the item in the end. It was only £5 though.

I would be tempted to pretend to do this

In that case it’s 50/50 if it’s ruined or not
until you look you don’t know

I would go back to DM and tell her it wasnt an accident it was carelessness, they are different. She can be careless with her own things but not with yours.

She needs to solve the problem she created.

if she left her handbag here as she’s been known to do

No cognitive issues 🤔

This is so petulant.

I think it depends on your relationship with your mother and both of your personalities. If it was my Mum there’s no way I’d ask her to pay and if she offered to pay I’d refuse to take it. I would however be very concerned about her mental state as that is not normal behaviour. My concern would be with my mother rather than thinking of the money I’d lost.

Your mother isn't going thru the bin and isn't going to replace stuff for you. You have the choice:

• go thru the bin and maybe salvage something
• not go thru the bin.

I am not saying she is in the right or that she shouldn't go thru the bin herself/replace stuff or not (as it was an accident, she says) . I am pointing out your real life options. You cannot MAKE her do anything. All you can do is decide how you act now (go thru bin or leave it) and in future (tidy away your stuff immediately, never stay there again, throw away her stuff, ....😉)

Who ‘sweeps’ a load of stuff into a bin as the norm, is that even a thing? And especially not even looking at what you’re sweeping in.

Really wasteful people who dont give a fuck