My mum has thrown away over £150 worth of makeup and medication

[nostyleandnoclothes]

I have a small pouch that I carry around with me everyday. It’s got a lot of medication in it (antihistamines, painkillers, stomach medicine), as well as 5 lip sticks and 4 lip liners. In total it comes to over £150 worth of stuff in a space NK small pounce (which is expensive in itself!).

I was at my mum’s on Thursday night when she complained about her having bad hay fever. I pulled out the pouch and handed it to her, and although I thought I’d put it back in my bag I must’ve left it on the side. I realised tonight it’s missing as I’ve gone through my bag ahead of work tomorrow and she’s admitted that she has thrown it away.

AIBU to say she should replace it? Both the makeup and medication she’s thrown away?

Why on earth would that make any difference?

You were careless, she was careless, they’re there in the bin, one of you just needs to suck it up and get it back!

Hi op

Your mum definitely should have offered to pay, what an odd thing to do!

Do you feel you can ask her?

YABU if you know where it is and CBA getting it. The Ake up is in a pouch. It will be fine. The pouch will need to be washed. It's not the end of the world.

’i wasn’t careless!!! Have you ever been busy and something slipped your mind for a second?!’

BUT that’s exactly the same argument your mum could use!

This. I think this is really odd behaviour, its really not normal to sweep a load of stuff into the bin without looking at it?

I mean this isnt a couple of junk mail flyers off the counter or endless kids 'art' being whizzed from the kitchen table its a makeup pouch, you wouldn't just sling it in the bin without a second thought, especially if you didnt recognise it as your own??

Id be taking your mum to the doctor OP and be quite concerned this is dementia

Sorry but I would just pay for the new products myself. I don't understand why you would carry so many lipsticks around if they are that high value anyway.
Despite you now making a point of how much they mean to you, it's taken you several days to remember that you left the pouch behind.
Again is this carelessness any different to your parents throwing it out?

Not really. She was intentionally “cleaning” (throwing shit away)

I find this whole thing absolutely bizarre. My mum is 84 but I know with complete certainty that if she had done this she would have retrieved it from the bin as soon as she realised. If she was not capable of doing this I'd have gone round with gloves and done it myself. Its really no big deal. The bag might need washing or chucking away but those sealed contents will be fine. If we were unable to find them my mum would 100% offer to pay. Also 5 lip sticks and 4 lip liners from SpaceNK will cost far more than £150 to replace.

Haven't most of us had to fish through bin contents to try to find something? I definitely have, many times!

Just mask up, glove up and have a look through the bin! I really can't understand why you are refusing to do this. There are much worse jobs that have to be done sometimes (eg clearing up sick!).

Agreed.

Also - there is no 'away'. Everything goes somewhere. Even if everything in the bag was useless the medications should have gone to the chemist, empty cosmetic packaging should be recycled or go to the right recycling place and the bag could have gone to a charity shop.

People are so wasteful. No wonder the world is in a state.

I think it's perfectly reasonable to have her to replace it if she's not willing to fish it out of the bin for you, seeing as she's the one who put it there.

If she's got money to spare, and it sounds like she has, then it shouldn't be a problem.

Your mum doesn't sound very nice. You only got your pouch out to find some tablets for her and as she is the one who threw it away and as is is very wealthy (and I assume that you are not), I can't imagine why she wouldn't replace the items or give you the money so that you can do so.

I would be mortified if I'd done this to one of my adult kids and would definitely give them the money to replace it.

There is something just really odd about the whole thing.

“I realised tonight it’s missing as I’ve gone through my bag ahead of work tomorrow and she’s admitted that she has thrown it away.“

She’s “admitted” she threw it away? How did that conversation go?

“No daughter, sorry I haven’t seen it here since you gave me the medication, but I guess it’s possible it was thrown away when I was cleaning”

or

”Yes daughter, I saw you had left it behind and, rather than phone and tell you that, I put it in the bin”

Because it’s not my mistake. Why should I be punished for her act?!

I would imagine the cosmetics have an expiry of about a year anyway.

It’s on her. Either she retrieves it from the bin or pays you the 150- this is her choice. Make sure she realises she has to replace or pay you

Lipsticks last for years. The only cosmetic I replace more often is mascara. Manufacturers encourage replacement far too quickly, in my opinion.

What else was on the sofa that she had to scoop up? Surely she saw it was your bag. Sounds deliberate to me

How can it be an accident to put your daughter’s belongings in the bin? So she saw it in a table and ‘swept’ it up with some rubbish? Doesn’t make sense to me!
I never throw my adult DCs stuff away unless it’s obviously rubbish like a cardboard box from a delivery.
Def get her to replace the bag and its contents.

Because you want your stuff back. And its a very simple solution. Christ almighty, it doesnt have to be so hard. It cant escape you how very like your parents you are!!

The quickest solution would be to retrieve the lipsticks from the bin. The alternative is dragging out the issue much longer than it needs to be. It will take time and hassle for you to get a replacement.

Looking for it in the bin is the simplest thing to do. Going through bins is horrible for everyone but we have all done it!

This is one of the most batshit posts I’ve ever read on here.
Just go and get your stuff OP ffs, you don’t even know it’s covered in food at this point, you are assuming it is but it might not be. Then either sanitise it or chuck it again.
You and you mum sound ridiculously entitled and childish. Just deal with it or stop whining.

I don't get this concept that accidents just happen out of the blue with no fault and therefore no need to compensate. It's something you see quite often on MN when someone asks whether someone else should compensate for causing damage.

No-one suggests she did this deliberately. Nevertheless, it wouldn't have happened if she had been paying minimal attention. She could go and rescue your stuff but doesn't want to, and that isn't accidental either. If she's as happy-go-lucky with her money as you say, I don't get what the problem is with compensating you.

God you’ve had some weird responses on here OP! I’d say it’s very normal for things to occasionally get left behind, but not really that normal to throw something like a pouch (that isn’t yours!) away unless it sitting with a pile of rubbish?!

And YANBU for not wanting to dig it out of bin that includes food waste and has been baking in the sun for days! Ugh! No way would I do that unless it was something worth thousands of pounds… and definitely not for products I’m going to ingest or use on my lips.

Your mum should replace it! Is she aware the contents were worth £150, and that’s a decent amount of money to you?

'okay Mum, I appreciate it was an accident, but do you realise I can't afford to replace the contents all in one go?"

This way you have acknowledged her pov (however messed up!) and have very explicitly stated your own pov, which she appears oblivious to.