My mum has thrown away over £150 worth of makeup and medication

[nostyleandnoclothes]

I have a small pouch that I carry around with me everyday. It’s got a lot of medication in it (antihistamines, painkillers, stomach medicine), as well as 5 lip sticks and 4 lip liners. In total it comes to over £150 worth of stuff in a space NK small pounce (which is expensive in itself!).

I was at my mum’s on Thursday night when she complained about her having bad hay fever. I pulled out the pouch and handed it to her, and although I thought I’d put it back in my bag I must’ve left it on the side. I realised tonight it’s missing as I’ve gone through my bag ahead of work tomorrow and she’s admitted that she has thrown it away.

AIBU to say she should replace it? Both the makeup and medication she’s thrown away?

She sounds incredibly annoying and I’d be very pissed off by this. Message her and tell her to transfer £200 so that you can replace your bag and missing items.

She’s the one who threw it away instead of putting it to one side for you - like any normal mum would do!

I’d be absolutely mortified if I was the mum in this case and be offering to take DD on a shopping trip.

OP, despite what some people are saying you and your mother are not as bad as each other. What she did was totally bizarre. What she should do is search for the bag in the bin. Or replace everything like for like. But, if she refuses to do either of those things, you can’t compel her to do so.

In the face of such refusal then I do think you are unreasonable not to don some gloves and a mask and go through the bin yourself. Your insistence that the items inside the bag would be ruined is also unreasonable. Though the bag is probably not salvageable its contents almost certainly will be.

So, you should not have to go through the bin. But if she won’t do it then I think you are mad not to do so; to get your things back.

Are you positive certain sure she hasn't simply taken it for her own use?

I can't understand these responses. My parents and I accidentally leave things at each others houses all the time. No one goes around randomly throwing away other people's stuff without checking. Totally reasonable that they rectify this however they prefer - extracting stuff from the bin and seeing if it's salvageable or buying new.

This actually sounds abusive - throwing your spouse's possesions in the bin and leaving them to have to rifle through rubbish to retrieve them.

And supposedly 'not seeing the problem' in throwing away anything that YOU don't personally want but which belongs to somebody whom you're supposed to care about is a real red flag.

It's like a human equivalent of throwing a bucket of food slops to a load of pigs: something that you personally find disgusting, but 'it's good enough for them'.

I don't buy the "whoops, I must have thrown it away!" excuse. How often does he 'accidentally' throw away his own very-obviously-not-rubbish possessions in the bin?

And how do suggest OP facilitates that?

Strong arm her mother into going through the bin?

Small debt action for the cost of replacements?

Some of these replies are as ridiculous as the OP and her mother.

Won't they be in the pouch and then enclosed in their own constaners. Can't see what em would be in the bin to contaminate it. Have you actually bothered looking?

I can't believe the people calling OP 'careless' for putting her possessions on the side in her parents' house.

It's not like leaving something valuable unattended and on show in public and being surprised when some random low-life thief runs off with it; it's her parents!!

If you wanted to be pathetic and petty yes

your mums was a mistake

you can try and fix it

you cba

You routinely carry 9 lipsticks and an assortment of medication with you?
(I know that’s not the point, but, what else is in your pouch?)

Very odd behaviour. You shouldn't even have to ask her to pay you. She should have offered straight away. Some people....

Ooh you just reminded me of what my nanny used to say "If we all took more care then accidents wouldn't happen"

True accidents happen in the absence of carelessness and are unforseeable. This is carelessness.

I thought most make up had a use by date of 12 months?? Am I wrong in this?

I am very much a hoick it out and wash it type person, but even I wouldn't consider doing that in this weather, from a mixed bin of rubbish with food and fluids in, for things I was then going to swallow or put on my lips. Disconnect between my logical brain thinking its fine, and my illogical brain going 😱, so I sympathise OP.
Do you think she would be more likely to replace your items if you just said can you send me x amount to cover the cost and that's all the input she needs? I'm wondering if a list of replacement articles is too much of a faff for her? I really think she should be taking responsibility for the loss, it was her hay fever you were trying to help her with, and her carelessness in throwing it away. I don't think that's trumps your 'carelessness' in not putting it away because who would have genuinely thought they would have needed to be that on ball as it was likely to go in the bin if you took your eyes off it?

Hey daughter I accidentally threw your £150 cash in the bin a few days ago.
Hey mum please send me £150 because I cant be bothered to go and retrieve it from the bin.
This is basically what you're saying.

Yes, I'm amazed this isn't the norm. A chocolate wrapper or empty drink carton gets thrown away; but anything that could possibly be wanted is put aside and the owner asked next time or messaged to check.

Certainly something like OP's pouch which is very obviously not rubbish... just why would you even think that you might have put it in the bin, unless you have cognitive difficulties - other than maybe a momentary mind lapse, after which you would instantly remove it again.

It sounds like something that a toddler would be learning: that a bin isn't a safe storage cupboard for things that we might want later, but it's only for (often dirty and unpleasant) things that nobody will want or need again.

OP you and your family seem to have the same very blinkered black and white way of thinking!

Nobody has said it's okay that your mum did this and everyone would agree that morally your mum should be the one to go digging through the bin (same if it had been your dad who had chucked it as you asked above).

People are only suggesting you do it because regardless of who did the chucking or whose fault it is you cant physically make them either go digging through it or repay you - the only thing you have actual control over is whether you go and look for it yourself. That's why people are focusing on suggesting that because railing against your parents wont achieve anything whereas taking positive action might.

Most people would do both - be annoyed at their mum for causing the issue while realising that being annoyed doesnt fix anything so taking action that might resolve the situation.

This is fascinating because all of it is utterly insane to me (to the point I would genuinely be concerned about my mums sanity had she done the same) so thanks for explaining the rationale. Also good point in linking OPs own unusual behaviour in with their parents.

If your mum had checked the bin as soon as you realised it would have been right on the top surely, how much rubbish are they putting in there. Although if this is the way they 'tidy' (i.e by just throwing everything in the bin) then maybe it would have been a lot!

It’s really not. Rotting food that some of which will have liquified having sat for days in this heat, can easily penetrate a fabric pouch or its seams, and leak into / underneath the lipstick and lip liner lids. They aren’t sealed with airtight packaging or anything. Absolutely no way I’d be using those products. The medicines, maybe, because they are sealed in blister packs but those are cheap to replace anyway.

Bunch of tramps on here saying the OP should get it from the bin! WTF!?

I have a handbag pouch too and it has a few lipsticks in, tablets, plasters, blister plasters, scissors, nail file and all sorts of stuff that often comes in useful. People always asking me if I have a certain item in my 'pouch'.

Sidenote - who is throwing out lipsticks dead on from 12 months of purchase? Yeah, nobody. Another wtf from me.

Hope your mum pays up OP.

You are being silly op. Get it out the bin, wipe down the lipstick cases and wash or replace the fabric pouch. It will be fine and most people would do this. You’re as bad as your parents - wasteful. And yes I would say this if your dad had binned it.

It wasn't a mistake. She actively picked it up, identified it as rubbish (i.e. unwanted by her) and binned it, and happily left it in the bin as dealt with. Not a mistake.

Such rigid thinking from both of you.

If neither of you can stomach going through the bin to retrieve the (washable) pouch, is there anyone else who would be able to?
Bloody hell if you lived next door to me I'd nip round and bin dip it to save landfill.

Next, step out of daughter mode and switch on "adult". Calmly explain to your mum that the make up is expensive and meant a lot to you and ask if she'd be willing to pay for it to be replaced.
If she says no, then you have a choice to hold that grudge against her or to forgive her and move on.

I’d suspect they are hiding some cognitive decline. No one would throw away a makeup bag someone has left at their house otherwise.