My mum has thrown away over £150 worth of makeup and medication

[nostyleandnoclothes]

I have a small pouch that I carry around with me everyday. It’s got a lot of medication in it (antihistamines, painkillers, stomach medicine), as well as 5 lip sticks and 4 lip liners. In total it comes to over £150 worth of stuff in a space NK small pounce (which is expensive in itself!).

I was at my mum’s on Thursday night when she complained about her having bad hay fever. I pulled out the pouch and handed it to her, and although I thought I’d put it back in my bag I must’ve left it on the side. I realised tonight it’s missing as I’ve gone through my bag ahead of work tomorrow and she’s admitted that she has thrown it away.

AIBU to say she should replace it? Both the makeup and medication she’s thrown away?

I would tell her that it wasn't "an accident". It was careless, unthinking and rude.

Especially when it sounds like they just dump the food waste into the bag and not into a different bag first.

If I ever did anything like that to my DD, DS, DH or DGD, I'd be horrified and either dig it out myself and clean it or, if it was covered in other raw food trash, replace the items. I would feel so bad, sad and then mad at myself.

Just go round and get it out the bin?

It was an accident, if you were that bothered you would find some gloves and a face mask and go through the bin. It doesn’t matter what you think 'should happen'. Some thinks may well be just fine, it is definitely worth checking. Not nice, but not the end of the world.

Is she wealthy because she's a tight arse per chance?

But surely YOU were careless in the first place as you left the item there! If it were so important to you, why did you not phone your DM when you got home to ask if she’d found it? Also, who keeps lipsticks for years?

Ask her for the money to replace it then. But also, put things away if she has these tendencies to over tidy.

Two years isn’t excessive when they’re expensive!

It slipped my mind, it was a flying visit, and I was certain I’d put it back until yesterday evening. I’m not perfect, but I wouldn’t say I’m careless either.

Bizarre to throw out something that belongs to someone else but it’s easily fixed. If your mum won’t look in the bin you will have to.
If it’s covered in maggot juice leave it but at least look. If it’s ruined you ask her to pay to replace it.

Fuck it, I’ll get it from the bin for you. 😂

I do have to wonder, if it was my dad who had thrown it out and not my mum, would everyone be saying I should be digging through the bin?!

What possible difference would that make?

You were careless too OP. You left your belongings behind. You left without checking you had something clearly important to you still with you. You were careless.

Your carelessness is not any better than hers.

There is no reason your carelessly should not face consequences,,but hers should. After all, if you had not left your pouche behind, your Mother would not have been able to grab it up with all the other waste. And after all, you yourself say you know your mother is like this.

Furthermore,you know your pouche is still there but refuse to retrieve it because ‘why should I have to when it’s not my fault?’ Well, it kinda is your fault in large part and it’s definitely your fault you won’t do the work of retrieving it. Not retrieving it yourself is a choice you are making. And you should bear the consequence of that choice, ie buying all the stuff again yourself.

Your whole attitude here is incredibly immature. Not accepting your responsibility in this situation, not accepting your responsibility in rectifying it, not accepting the consequence of not rectifying it and shifting the blame entirely and solely to your mother who entirely and solely must, in your mind, put it right.

The mature thing to do would be accept responsibility, and learn from this ( ie check you have your vital stuff on you before you leave anywhere).

In one breath you say you don't want to go look for this bag because what's the point? all the things in it will be either "melted" or contaminated in some way, but then you say you'd like your DM to dig through the rubbish bin to reclaim it for you? You've asked your DM to give you £ to the value of the lost goods and she's refused. So you've only two options left: go and reclaim the bag from the bin to see what you can salvage from it or chalk it up to a loss and replace the items yourself. (Or, I suppose, seeing as how your parents don't seem to mind things going missing from their house, go and steal an equivalent amount of goods from them!) What other kind of advice are you expecting to get from this thread?

If they’re wealthy enough to casually buy a new Apple Watch because they can’t be arsed walking back to airport security to retrieve one then yes, she absolutely needs to replace this. Send the link to the pouch and lip products and insist she does. I wouldn’t take no for an answer. It’s either that or she goes through the stinky bin.

I notice you don’t say, ‘I’m not ND’.

Are you? Because there is autism in my family and that of friends, and refusing to take responsibility and angrily blaming others, as you are, is quite a common autistic trait.

Is your Mother autistic? Because clearing up everything that is where rubbish is ( in your mother’s mind) regardless of whether or not it is rubbish, would also fit ND, if that is how your Mother’s mind compartmentalises.

Surely most people have accidentally thrown something out and had to look in the bin? I have, lots of times. Just put some rubber gloves on and get delving. I would.

This is such a bizarre comment. What possible difference could this make?!

This makes me think even more that you may have a ND blame shifting mind. It’s desperately whirring to find a way to ‘blame’ others for their belief that you could check the bin.

Agreed.

it’s also very common to be blasé about such incidents when questioned.

similarly with the dad at the airport - easier to buy a watch if you’re right there by the shops than to have to go back and try and explain

OP how old are your parents?

And yes she should be offering to replace everything. You shouldn't need to ask her to.

Absolutely this. Being careless with own belongings is one thing but throwing away others' stuff is unacceptable.

All the strange people on this thread saying variations of OP needs to ‘make’ her Mother but replacements (or go through the bin)

OPs mother has said No to this. OP has no ability to ‘make her.’

So your argument is OP should not bear the consequence of being careless with her own belongings by leaving them behind but her Mum should bear the consequence of being careless?

That’s not a very consistent position.

Yes. No matter which one binned it. If you want it, go get it. Leaving it there is ridiculous. Just get the stuff out and assess.

You’re as bad as she is.

Absolutely ask your dad to look! Someone… anyone… just look in the bin 😂

Exactly what I was thinking.

I wasn’t careless!!! Have you ever been busy and something slipped your mind for a second?!