My mum has thrown away over £150 worth of makeup and medication

[nostyleandnoclothes]

I have a small pouch that I carry around with me everyday. It’s got a lot of medication in it (antihistamines, painkillers, stomach medicine), as well as 5 lip sticks and 4 lip liners. In total it comes to over £150 worth of stuff in a space NK small pounce (which is expensive in itself!).

I was at my mum’s on Thursday night when she complained about her having bad hay fever. I pulled out the pouch and handed it to her, and although I thought I’d put it back in my bag I must’ve left it on the side. I realised tonight it’s missing as I’ve gone through my bag ahead of work tomorrow and she’s admitted that she has thrown it away.

AIBU to say she should replace it? Both the makeup and medication she’s thrown away?

Oh. That makes sense. Thanks.

the 9 lip products has totally blown some peoples minds, OP. They think you should just have the same Rimmel lipstick you’ve had for the last 20 years and anything else is vain and lavish and a waste of family money.

@OverOrUnderprotective

have you even read the thread!? Op thinks her mother should go through the rubbish becuase she was the one who stupidly binned it! So why shouldn’t it be her?

I’d also be right in the bin!!!

Well don’t them. But you can’t begrudge your parents for being wealthy. It sounds like this about a lot more than a few lipsticks…

Seems like a ludicrous hill to die on.

Put on a pair of rubber gloves or disposable plasoc gloves. Go and dig your bag out and wipe off the lipsticks etc if any liquid has seeped in. Quite unlikely.

I’d ask her to go through the bin to get it back. I’m sure she can wash the make up bag!

I don't understand the thinking that she shouldn't replace it because it was an accident. If I damaged someone's property, I'd expect to make it right by either repairing or replacing it. There's no reason why she shouldn't either retrieve it or replace it.

She threw your bag away 'accidentally' but that means she doesn't have to replace any of it.

Is she always this spiteful or have you just annoyed her recently?

Yep. And pull the maggots out as well OP. And if you accidentally ingest one, well it's protein innit? 🙄

My god, the meodrama over a bit of heat. Where I live your heatwave is a regular summer's day. I have never had maggots in the bin, even after a week.

It was an accident - there must have been a reason she put it in the bin

If there was a reason then it wasn't an accident, surely.

I did for the last 2 weeks in the food recycling bins, it's been that hot here, over 34°C. Both weeks we had to kill the maggots & bleach the bin. It was the chicken bones both times, I think.

It's definitely unusual to do it "plenty" of times.

Unusual is kinda "not normal" I'm afraid.

It may be an accident but but she is responsible to reimburse the injured party, you. Judge Judy wouldn't go for this I don't feel responsible as I did it accidently!
Also why so many lipsticks? Throw make-up away after 12 months.

I’d just go and get it. I’ve retrieved many an item from a wheelie bin.

My parents once chucked away tickets to a once in a lifetime gig at Wembley. I went wading through dirty nappies and all sorts to get them back.

Lip liners will be fine, lipsticks may be a bit limp, but whack them in the fridge. I have lipsticks in the car that have been there years. In this heat they melt slightly, but they firm up again.

Medication is going to be in foil strips so fine.

It’s only Sunday, it won’t be that gross if she chucked it out Friday. Yeah going through the bin won’t be pleasant but if your Mum doesn’t retrieve it, you should.

It’s really odd she chucked it out, but I wouldn’t reimburse someone £150 of I knew it was sat there in the bin.

Today I chucked out a lipstick that I bought for a wedding in 2013. Max Factor, Ruby Tuesday.

I would never chuck out a lipstick after 12 months. It’s only me using it.

Oh ffs. I know it doesn’t get this hot here often but really, some of the batshit suggestions!

Lipstick melts. In fact, it can start melting at 30°. It’s been sitting in a black bin that will be even hotter than the air temp for days. The makeup is ruined so there is absolutely no point in trying to dig it out. In fact if you leave it in the heat long enough the lipstick will not only melt but run out of the container into a pool in your bag. So everything in there is utterly ruined.

Of course she needs to replace it, OP. It doesn’t matter if it was an accident (and I’m not convinced that it was), she has deprived you of items that were important to you through her carelessness so she needs to remedy it.

Mental how many would put make up on their face that’s been sitting in rotting bin juice for days. Some absolute mingers.

Why would you carry around 9 lip products everywhere you go and not just the ones you actually use that day?

And for you to be upset at them being chucked, they must all have plenty left, so it can't be that you actually use all 9 of them regularly. You've spent a couple of years collecting them - opened lip products generally last 6 months to a year - are some just unopened and still with the plastic wrapper on?

The fact that you are carrying around so many all the time - and they're all the same brand - doesn't really feel like typical behaviour to me. (Unless there's a back story where you're homeless or have an abusive partner, and you have to carry all your precious possessions everywhere you go.)

Anyway, my point was, none of you are following societal norms. Doesn't mean any of you have done anything horrible deliberately. It's just a thing that has happened.

Rather than blame your mum and make her feel bad about something she did by accident, I'd take a different approach. You know she didn't mean to do it, but you can't afford to replace any of it, and not having your makeup makes you sad. You've put all the missing lipsticks into an online shopping cart and it comes to £149.48 exactly.

If I could throw an exact amount of money at something to make a relative happy, I would. A rough number is disconnected from reality and having to source lots of unknown things is mentally exhausting. And being blamed for the relative's unhappiness would just make me sad, angry and defensive.

Plus, wiring an exact number is a really easy impulsive gesture. You say she's well off, and going about it from that angle would make the spend an easy dopamine hit.

It makes no sense for you to go back to her house and dig through her bins. Just tell her the replacement value of what she threw away. If she decides to go retrieve it and is successful, take a look and see what if anything is salvageable and let her know what the remaining cost is. If she can't retrieve it, she reimburses you for the whole thing. I might have a different opinion if reimbursing you would be a hardship for her, but it's not.

I wouldn’t ask a family member or friend to replace items they accidentally binned, especially if i’d left it out. Just have to suck it up. I would offer though to replace the items it it was me who binned it.

Paracetamol, ibuprofen & antihistamines are as cheap as chips.
£150 for 4 lipsticks??? If I’d paid that much I’d have made sure I put them back my bag.

This doesn't add up. Surely the black bin lives outside in the garden/drive? If I'm throwing things away inside the house, I use another bin or bag to put them in first. Just for the practicality of getting them to the outside bin. So my black bin contains a number of bags as it nears collection date. Most are bags from the kitchen bin. Perhaps another bag from the bathroom bin or if I've been having a particular clear out. I'd very rarely throw lose things into the black bin.

Maybe a few non -food/household items if I was passing, or clearing out the car, but they wouldn't be in the bagged kitchen waste, they'd be popped on top of or between those bags. Or more likely in a bag of their own if I'd done an in room clear-up. I think there's an excellent chance tbat your make-up bag is nestled among non-food waste, not in the main kitchen waste bags and absolutely retrieveable.

If your mother has genuinely thrown this away in a cleaning sweep, she should be able to tell you how she binned it - into an existing household bin or bag before the main black bin and what that looks like?

If she's vague or just 'can't remember' , I think she either has cognitive issues developing or has binned the make-up bag deliberately to upset you. Or perhaps is saying she has binned it to upset you, when really she's put it to one side. Or has she put it to one side but can't remember where and is worried about saying that?

Either way I'd pop some plastic gloves on, lift the kitchen waste bags out of the bin and see if it's lying between them. Or if there's a random plastic bag in there with just household items in it? If it is in the kitchen waste bags, they are normally quite thin and you can probably see or feel the make-up bag through them and work out whether it's contaminated before you open the bag.

If you really can't face doing this (I've had to a couple of times and it's never as bad as expected), then yes, please show her an itemised list with links and prices and say you'd value her help with replacements.

Otherwise there's no incentive for her not to do it again. I wouldn't ask for replacements unless she can easily afford them, which from your account she can.

It’ll only be unrecyclables in the black bin surely and if your make up is in a bag of its own inside a bin bag that shouldn’t be too gross to go through? I’d get some gloves on and go rooting.