My mum has thrown away over £150 worth of makeup and medication

[nostyleandnoclothes]

I have a small pouch that I carry around with me everyday. It’s got a lot of medication in it (antihistamines, painkillers, stomach medicine), as well as 5 lip sticks and 4 lip liners. In total it comes to over £150 worth of stuff in a space NK small pounce (which is expensive in itself!).

I was at my mum’s on Thursday night when she complained about her having bad hay fever. I pulled out the pouch and handed it to her, and although I thought I’d put it back in my bag I must’ve left it on the side. I realised tonight it’s missing as I’ve gone through my bag ahead of work tomorrow and she’s admitted that she has thrown it away.

AIBU to say she should replace it? Both the makeup and medication she’s thrown away?

My mom has been like this her whole life, she bins anything not in right place. When I was a teenager she came in my room while I was asleep picked up everything put it in a black bag then tipped it all over me. She probably puts cleanliness & tidiness above anything even her security. Think there is a level of OCD, I refuse to allow her to come in my house too messy for her. I am stage4 kidney disease & struggle with fatigue. I have a worry she is selling her house she may end up here until her property is done.

Perhaps now is a good time to reflect on whether that is a good idea if you ever have anyone apart from yourself in your house…

If you read the OP's posts you will see that she did in fact sort through the stinking rubbish and find her make up pouch which was, unsurprisingly, ruined.

Oh God, even worse….

You still pay for accidents you’re responsible for you know?

Your mum sounds really disrespectful and dismissive. I haven't quite read the full thread but why did she let you go through her bin when she could have just given you the money? She clearly did it on purpose and enjoyed seeing you upset.

But this is mumsnet where you should be happy to crawl through a festering cesspit to retrieve 50p. But do take a bar of soap with you to make sure you don't smell for even one second. It's no wonder there's so much abuse when self respect is so low.

I’m glad you found it OP, I have a couple of times had to go through my bin for stuff I’ve accidentally misplaced and I agree it’s vile - I’m gaggjng even at the thought of it 😦

I think your Mum sounds very rude and thoughtless - giving her the benefit of the doubt she perhaps didn’t realise the value of stuff but even so most people’s response to throwing out someone’s stuff after a couple of days would be mortification, in my option.

Any posters saying you were at fault are being mean and probably jealous of your lipstick collection.

How did it get left there for 3 days in the first place? If you made a mistake by leaving it, and then she made another mistake by binning it, perhaps you are both a bit at fault?

I would dig the bag out of the bin myself, to assess the damage. I retrieved something from ours yesterday, after 2 days, because I changed my mind about something I decluttered. Our food waste, tins, plastic, paper and garden cuttings are all separate so the black bin is a bit outside-ishly dirty but after a good sanitising hand wash, I am not harmed at all!

It's not unreasonable to feel annoyed but mums are human and have foibles, and sometimes the lesson to learn is to take care of your own stuff and let them get on with their decluttering, and see how you feel in a week or so when the dust has settled.

Edit mistakenly sorry posted ages after writing! Glad you found it!

Honestly can’t believe some of the replies on this thread blaming OP. On what planet do you not take responsibility for a mistake that ends up costing someone else? You accidentally bump someone’s car, you own up and cough up. You accidentally spill on someone’s clothes and stain them - you pay for dry cleaning or replace. You lose something belonging to someone - you replace it. You bin somebody’s stuff (accidentally?) you replace it.

OP I don’t understand why you’re getting such a hard time. Thankfully there are still a good chunk of posters who see sense. Sorry you ended up going through the disgusting bin. You should not have had to do that.

@LizzieSiddal

noone abides to that rule. I’ve got lipsticks I’ve had for years, they are fine

I’m sorry, but have you never left something somewhere? I have and guess what, the person calls or messages me and say, “Hey Waiting, you left your sunglasses!”

Or someone leaves something at mine, I message and let them know and then put it in a safe place until item can be returned. I’ll bet there are a total of 0 posters who have never accidentally left something somewhere on this thread.

Oh look, op's mother has joined the thread 😁.

No it does NOT look like a genuine error. This wasn't a small scrap of something, it was a whole bag of medicines and make-up. No way someone could throw it away by mistake!

@nostyleandnoclothes does she have form for this sort of thing?

I know that my mother is similar - I wouldn't dare leave anything important at her house (it just wouldn't still be there next time I went). Not malicious exactly, it's more as if her brain identifies the item as "not mine" and prompts her to "put it somewhere safe" and then forget about it 🙄

I would definitely ask her to replace the items. She has to take responsibility for her actions.

Lucky you. My spare keys have been missing for months and I think….

That is really strange behaviour. If my daughter left something at my house, no way would I throw it. The fact she must have known it was yours makes it even weirder. A simple text or phone call to you telling you that you had left it there was all it needed. But, to just chuck it away is spiteful. Yes, she should replace all the items. It might make her think twice next time and act like a normal person would when someone leaves an item of theirs in her house.

Because I’ve been working hard, in a hot hospital, and it slipped my mind. I had a really busy weekend and didn’t reach for it.

But it wasn't an accident, was it. It was a careless and unthinking deliberate action.

And in any case accident or not she should still make it up to you! Stick to your guns @nostyleandnoclothes

I would be so so upset if this happened to me, particularly as it’s stuff you’ve bought over time! Of course she should replace it, you shouldn’t even have to ask!

In fact, worse that that is that the OP's mother was amused. 😡

Not read the whole thread but have you bought all of the lipsticks recently? Because lipsticks have an expiry date anyway and having build up your lip collection over 2 years is surely well beyond their expiry date anyway?

I didn't mean to ask what you've been doing for 3 days. I meant how did it not go home with you?

I don't need a further explanation but it does still seem as though you left it there by accident yourself, but are blaming your mum entirely for the problem.

FWIW I would be annoyed too, especially if I felt the other person doesn't care about the impact on you. But still, I'd give it some time and space, not least because hot weather makes us all feel more cranky.

My guess is that your mum is annoyed with aspects of your behaviour in this incident too, and it might be easier to listen to each other and clear the air after a break from thinking about it

I'd just send her a message with a link to replace all the items, OP and ignore her until she's replaced everything. It's bonkers behaviour. They obviously have more money than sense.

Absolutely gobsmacked at some of the comments on here, OP. You have done nothing wrong. Your mother sounds nuts.

If I threw away something belonging to my DD my immediate response would be to apologise and buy her a replacement. It's the right thing to do.

And if I were you now, I would be petty enough to find something your mother cared about and chuck it away.

If I accidentally broke a friend’s vase, or spilt my drink on someone’s rug, I would offer to repair or replace. It doesn’t matter if someone has done something ‘accidentally’. What a strange mentality. Your mother is either spiteful or unwell.

I thought I’d put it back in my bag. It’s small - about the size of my hand, and not overly heavy. So obviously where I thought it had gone in my bag it had slipped behind it and went onto the kitchen counter

If you won’t ask her to replace them and you won’t retrieve them from the bin, then what on earth have you posted for?