Would this put you off sex with your husband ?

[wouldthis]

He often talks about how we don’t have sex enough and if only we could have sex more, he’d be happier. Less grumpy, he’d stop smoking etc.

he says he doesn’t care if I work or make money as long as I have sex with him regularly.

this was a recent comment as I changed my work life recently and I’m not making as much. I stepped away from a corporate role.

he just makes these comments and I just don’t feel great about them. If I say no, he gets in a mood, which I hate.

I basically never want to do it and just do it to keep the peace.

we don’t do it that often, once or twice a week.

am I normal that the attitude just puts me off ?

How often does he want it? How often do you want it? Has there always been a mismatch?
my view: it’s ok for him to express he’d like it more.. just as your allowed to want it less… but weird for him to use sex frequency as a checkpoint to then begin stopping smoking/doing other stuff.

Sorry OP but no-one should put pressure on you to have sex if you don’t want it .

It’s fine to have an adult conversation about your sex life but this doesn’t sound like an adult conversation. It sounds like putting you under pressure.

As for more sex stopping him smoking - what else is it the miracle cure for? Bunions? War?

Utterly vile. He views you as a vessel.

It’s absolutely not right he puts pressure on you and it wouldn’t make me want to have sex either so you’re definitely not being unreasonable.

BUT there does sound like there is sexual incompatibility in your marriage which cannot be easy on either of you. Have you reflected on why you don’t want to have sex? Is it a low sex drive or lack of attraction to your husband? Something you can work on or not? Sex is an important part of marriage so whatever set up you have has to work for both partners.

Does he work? Do you have kids?

And how long have you been together?

Yep. Total ick.

A sulky man is not a sexy man. Eek.

It’s fine that you don’t want sex but has something changed in your relationship recently or have you always had such a mismatched libido?

He sounds bloody awful @wouldthis . I would never want to have sex with him either. You definitely shouldn’t be having sex you don’t want. You’d have a much nicer life without him.

This would absolutely put me off and him using it as a bargaining tool if we have more sex I’ll pack in smoking etc really he sounds pathetic if I was you I would tell him that his comments and pathetic behaviour is actually turning you off hope you sort things out OP and I’m sorry your going through this please don’t allow him to pressure you in to anything.

I feel bad on my other half as we have sex about once a month. Mine doesn’t beg though, or make me feel shitty about it. I’ve been through a lot this year. We tend to focus on other areas of our relationship though. Intimacy is important to us but it’s not the main focus.

Twice a week is a perfectly reasonable level of sex. ‘Lack of sex’ isn’t stopping him doing anything. He himself is the only reason he hasn’t given up smoking etc.

There are a lot of concerning things going on in your relationship, very much including that you’re having sex you don’t want. ‘Lack of sex’ is not the problem in your relationship.

I think I would probably have counselling, but it sounds like honest communication might well end the relationship tbh.

He doesn't care what you do as long as you meet his needs. The pressure is unforgivable. He doesnt care what you want or how you feel about it. You are just an orifice to him. I would find him repulsive.

This is why im so pleased i chose single life.
My ex was a sex pesting pig, i told him to fuck off thank god we didnt live together.

Gross.

How could he possibly think such behaviour would make you more keen to have sex with him?! I can’t imagine a bigger turn off (i.e. “never want you to touch me again” territory) and would be issuing divorce papers.

You state you are already only doing it to “keep the peace”, so without anything resembling enthusiasm, and he’s pressuring you into it with nagging/ emotional blackmail. Mind boggling that he’d think that would create sexual desire from you, so the only reasonable conclusion is that he doesn’t care whether you want it, he just wants you to do it regardless. You should ask yourself what kind of man could enjoy sex with someone he knows didn’t want to participate in it. Grim.

Why are you still in this relationship? You need to end it; he’s made it crystal clear that he has no respect for you.

If the sex was better, you'd want it more.

I just don’t want it with him.

You are having sex with him regularly - once or twice per week. That IS regularly.

What frequency is he expecting exactly? Twice per day?!

Jeez, he needs to get a grip. The moods at you saying no is not cool, it's coercive and would put me off sex, I couldn't even have sex twice per week with a moody sex pest sulker like that. I'd be permanently turned off.

Nothing has changed really. We are having more sex than we did through the baby and toddler years and I’m able to bear it more than I used to be able to then. It was almost completely unbearable then, I would scream in my head and clench my teeth and the dread was unbelievable. It’s just that whole thing of him getting in the mood if I say no, is so horrible and off putting. And then him going on and on and on about how important sex is. It just seems everything is about sex for him and it puts me off so much.

Life's too short to stay shackled to a sex-pest.

Do you value life? Do you see it as a gift? If you can say yes to both of those questions what he hell are you doing wasting yours with this man?

You don't want sex with him. Discuss a sexless marriage then when he says no, file for divorce. Other wise accept being raped pretty regularly. ☹️

Why do t you want it…is it just him or is it something else?

This is horrific. Sex should be something that's mutually enjoyable, not something you clench your teeth and scream through. Not being dramatic but are you okay? Do you want to be in this marriage?