Would this put you off sex with your husband ?

[wouldthis]

He often talks about how we don’t have sex enough and if only we could have sex more, he’d be happier. Less grumpy, he’d stop smoking etc.

he says he doesn’t care if I work or make money as long as I have sex with him regularly.

this was a recent comment as I changed my work life recently and I’m not making as much. I stepped away from a corporate role.

he just makes these comments and I just don’t feel great about them. If I say no, he gets in a mood, which I hate.

I basically never want to do it and just do it to keep the peace.

we don’t do it that often, once or twice a week.

am I normal that the attitude just puts me off ?

Okay you need to leave.
This is madness - imagine a friend told you that this is how they "get through" having sex with their husband.

You'd tell them to leave and not to put themselves through this anymore.

I don't even know where to begin with this. I don't think you're consenting to sex if the reason you're having it is to prevent someone's bad mood. That's coercion.

Hes deeply coercive around sex.

Hes happy to put his dick into you and use your body to fuck even though he know you don't want to and that you don't like it.

Could you do that to someone OP? I couldn't do it to someone I didn't like, let alone someone I was supposed to love.

The only consent is enthusiastic consent. Please, please leave.

I thought you were going to say once or twice a month. He’s whining about a few times a week? Also I would feel put off if he said the only thing he cared about was that I have sex with him. Like that was all I was good for.

It’s once a week. And recently also twice some weeks. He’s just always up for it.

He is manipulative, coercive and sexually abusive. LTB. Please.

Vile. Absolutely guaranteed to switch off sex drive is unwanted sex.

The idea of continuing this would sicken anyone

Feeling pressure to have sex would put me off.
Being with someone who didn't want to have sex with me would be pretty awful too. For them to hate it so much they're clenching their teeth and screaming in their head would be horrendous, that would really put me off.
I think you should be considering divorce, this isn't right for either of you.

Horrible and all too familiar. My ex was a sulky, nasty sex pest too. Do you want to stay with him? Have you any long term plans, OP?

Did you ever enjoy having sex with him? It sounds as if you find him physically repulsive.

Your husband is coercive. Demanding sex and sulking when you say no is coercion.

Coercive sex will kill your enjoyment of sex and it sounds like it already has. It sounds like you dread having sex with him.

Does he know you don't enjoy sex with him yet he has it anyway? He doesn't care whether you enjoy it. That's not love. That's using you like an object.

I think you're sexually incompatible and your husband is not going to change. He'll always want more sex than you and be coercive. I'd divorce him.

He doesn't care if you work or make money because you would become completely reliant on him and he would force you to have sex with him as often as he wanted because he pays for everything. Leave @wouldthis before your soul dies completely.

Then you should not be doing it, at all.

He’s clearlyaware that you don’t want to, hence pressuring you to do it.

There’s a word for that.

Sorry? You had to clench your teeth and bear it? I think you need to start a life away from thus man, he doesn't like you and you despise him.
No wonder him doing sex to you feels like an assault.
When it got like this with my exh, i left, kids in tow.
Please stop putting up with this shit.

Sorry but this doesn’t sound like consensual sex. You need some professional help to unpack what’s been happening to you so you can leave.

Honestly, doesn't sound like your relationship will stand long term. Your entitled to not want sex. He's entitled to want it. Unfortunately there's often not much changing that. One partner is often bound to feel resentful and used.

Going against the grain, you should have ended your marriage when you stopped wanting sex with him. Unless your marriage was a forced marriage there must have been a time when you did fancy him. Neither of you should have to live like this.

This will carry on for years and years, if you let it. How old are you? 40? (Just guessing). So if you live till 80, you've got another 40 years of this ahead of you.

To be honest OP, the comment about not caring about you working, so long as you put out, would be the final straw to me. If he views your sole purpose in the marriage, in life perhaps, is to sexually gratify him, like a sex slave, he doesn't view you as a person in your own right.

Why are you putting yourself through this?

If I even thought my husband could want to have sex with me when I don't want it it would kill my sex drive forever.

It's a small step from expecting sex when you are not willing to thinking it's OK to have sex with your wife when she's sleeping, to thinking well why not make sure she's sleeping then...

we all know there are more men who think this way than we ever thought possible.

If nothing has changed he is being ridiculous. The way he has handled it is ridiculous anyway. But if this was how you sex life was from the start he is especially ridiculous.

This.

Your comment about having to clench your teeth makes me so sad, you don’t owe anyone the use of your body.

Don’t then. LTB.