Would this put you off sex with your husband ?

[wouldthis]

He often talks about how we don’t have sex enough and if only we could have sex more, he’d be happier. Less grumpy, he’d stop smoking etc.

he says he doesn’t care if I work or make money as long as I have sex with him regularly.

this was a recent comment as I changed my work life recently and I’m not making as much. I stepped away from a corporate role.

he just makes these comments and I just don’t feel great about them. If I say no, he gets in a mood, which I hate.

I basically never want to do it and just do it to keep the peace.

we don’t do it that often, once or twice a week.

am I normal that the attitude just puts me off ?

absolutely this!

A sexless life is very grim , ok for some, but not for everyone. It's on him, it's not on you!

YANBU. I would want zero sex with this man.
How dare he pressure and bribe and guilt-trip you. This is abusive, coercive and disrespectful. Your main function in life isn’t to be his sex toy.
also once or twice a week I would say is high average.
I would certainly be planning my exit so you can live in peace away from this pestering bastard.

He's a sex pest. And he's basically saying that your main or only value to him is providing sex on demand. So yes, that's a turnoff, but - it seems like you've been (understandably) disgusted by him for some time. Are you hoping he'll somehow revert back to whatever he was like before he was a gross misogynistic arsehole, and if so do you really believe that can happen?

I would stop having unwanted sex. You have the right to say no and not be pestered incessantly. If that ends the relationship, so be it.

I put yabu.

1. Unreasonable to do it at all times keep the peace.

1. To stay with this sulky man child when you deserve so much better.

I was just hoping that I could just put up with it for the sake of keeping the family together but I’ve recently realised that I am not actually sexually dead inside. I’m just dead inside for sex with him. I’m trying to understand why ? Whether it’s his attitude? Whether it’s just marriage ? Whether I want something new and shiny now and want to feel that spark again.

or whether I’m broken ? Is it me ?

It’s because nobody is turned on by a rapist.

I am so sorry, OP. I think this sounds like a therapy/counselling problem.

He's a sex pest and coercive sex is rape.
This has been going on for years and now your body is physically repulsed by him.
Hardly surprising as it has been coercive sex, which is rape.

I think you need to talk to someone.
This cannot continue.
Your mental health is at risk.

I think his behaviour has caused the end of your marriage.
He sounds vile.

You'd have to look back to when you first stopped wanting it. Was it physical, tiredness after having your last child etc? Then did him being grumpy cut off affection and kindness and things just carried on? Why wasn't there better communication from both of you? Without physical/health reasons for sex stopping, it's usually a symptom, not the cause of a marriage that's failing.

Sex didn’t stop.

The OP has been continually coerced into sex and, understandbly, now finds the serial rapist to whom she is married to be repulsive.

He’d stop smoking if you have more sex? What’s the correlation there? Oh right, emotional manipulation and sexual coercion.

OP you have been having non-consensual sex for years. There is a word for that. There is absolutely no way your husband is not aware of this, and he doesn’t care. He has been raping you.

Um, what? He sounds like a fucking rapist. I'm nauseous reading this.

To be honest… I wouldn’t feel valued enough to fancy having sex with someone who instead of making an effort to get you interested, from helping with the house to probably date nights at least a couple of times a month is acting resentful because you only want to have sex twice a week??? As if it was his right and your obligation?
Many people do not even manage that especially when young kids are around.

Did you used to enjoy sex? With anyone else?

Have you explained to him that you hate having sex with him, and that you only do it to stop him sulking?

What kind of person would want to have sex with someone that had to grit their teeth to get through it.

This behaviour would make me drier than the sahara desert and Id divorce a man that smoked. Still if he smokes it will mean he'll be impotent soon.

He’s a pest.

2 x per week is ok?

I would hate for my h to equate all those things like not working etc as long as we had enough sex. So transactional.

That seems so transactional and manipulative. No wonder you don't want to touch him. Placing the blame on you for him being a twat is obviously going to make you resent him which has the natural consequence of you not eating to have sex with him.