AIBU to be upset about having to pick a front door I don't like?

[Delara]

I got the keys to a new house in May, and my partner moved in last week. I'd been trying for over a month to get a new front door, having had around 5 fitters come to measure and then say they couldn't source a door that narrow.

My partner then moved in and pushed for me to get a new front door ASAP as he had accidentally let the cats out (we currently have a recessed door and need an airlock).

I ended up buying the only style of door I could find that could be produced so narrow, and it's a cotta,ge style front door that will be put on my Edwardian house. It's not been fitted yet but is in production so too late to change. I really wanted a traditional style door.

AIBU to be feeling resentful of the rush and having to compromise on the front door? I lived in a house with three years without an airlock and learned how to not let the cats out. We are both obviously stressed for the cats' safety, and I was planning to buy a door anyway for my partner's sake, but I am feeling resentful that this has pushed me into buying a door that doesn't suit the house.

Pic attached of what it will look like when fitted

I think I am being unreasonable and it's not my partner's fault the fitters couldn't find a door. But I'm struggling with the compromise.

I am not sure from your post who you are blaming. There are a number of factors at play it seems and as far as I can see no one has been especially unreasonable just some things are unfortunate.

The fitters, ( you say you have had a few) can't find the door you want. Not their fault it may not exist.

Your partner, seems to have had a scare with one of the cats getting out and told you to get on with your plans. Not especially unreasonable, if you feel strongly that you need more time it is on you to explain that.

You felt pushed into making a decision that you aren't keen on and did to please them. However, there is no guarantee that with another year looking at doors you would have found this 'perfect' door.

The outcome is a perfectly normal door for the house. Which style did you want?

It looks fine, and isn’t worth the angst!

Thanks for this, it's helping me sort my thoughts out a bit. I but did want one that was more in keeping with the Edwardian/Victorian house, but this was literally the only option the fitters could find in such a narrow width!

I wouldn't overthink it.

Somestime we have to pick the item we dislike the least, rather than the one we like the most.

Thank you, that's probably true. I guess I'm struggling with it not feeling right as I'm spending 2k on it, and that's the most I've ever spent on any house thing!

That's true, the cottage style door with stripes may have been the only style available but at least I got to choose colour and the glass style.

The door is fine the colour and glass are very busy.

When we had to get a new front door for our first house I was surprised at how expensive they were, and miffed that we had to spend so much on something so boring!! I think once it’s in you will probably feel better about it

I wouldn't be happy either. Front doors are very important. I wouldn't get it fitted but would sell it on locally to someone less fussy with a similarly narrow doorway. Then I would take my time and buy a door I actually liked.

I see what you mean. I’m perhaps distracted by the one next door looking much worse imo (apologies to them). I agree it’s quite hard to spend such a huge amount on something you don’t like!

I hope you will like it more once it’s in but possibly getting the glass changed for something more personal would be a nice project?

Unfortunate double post

It isn't clear to me why you needed a new front door, and why your partner gets so much say when it isn't their house? Are they paying any of it?

But fwiw, I like the new door, it looks nice.

You're spending 2k on a front door? Why didn't you get a carpenter to do one bespoke for that kind of money??

It does benefit both of us as we will be able to properly open the door for deliveries or to have a chat with whoever is knocking without first securing the cats in a room. We could also leave the second door unlocked for deliveries, and it would take some weight off my mind to know I won't be opening my door to the cats right at the door.

However it is my house and I am paying for all of it, when if I were on my own I would probably have taken my time and even found a reclaimed door. I think if he were paying part of it I would feel better about it but we have only been together a year and a couple of months.

Well, front door and frame and top box. The door itself wouldn't have been as much. And I did get someone over looking at wood but they quoted 3-4k plus for a custom door!!

Thank you, I am a bit worried as everyone else on my street has traditional doors. God knows where they got them from, I did get a recommendation from a neighbor but even he said my doorway was too narrow!

I hope I do like it more once it's in

There were quite limited colour options so I am hoping I will be able to paint if I find it too much!

I don't think this is necessarily about the door. I think this is about him moving into your house after a year of knowing him, and you feeling pushed out of shape by him and his requirements, while footing the bill yourself.

I think that sounds perfectly reasonable, beware OP.

£2k is pretty standard to buy a front door and get it fitted. When ours was done I was surprised!

They are known as bastard doors.

You needed one making by a joiner.

However, it really doesn't look as horrific as you think.

@Delara I love the colour but it classes with the colour of brick . l
Like you say you can paint it though.
Can I ask are you sure about the boyfriend moving in so soon ? Will he /is he paying his way at all ?

What @60degreecycle said.

YABU to jump at his command rather than stand up for yourself. This is not about a door, it’s about your relationship.

You need to learn to advocate for yourself, calmly, firmly, effectively, now. Seriously, do a course, talk to friends about why you’re such a pushover and how to resist that tendency. Practice.

Your bf is not your boss. He has moved into your house. It is absolutely fine and normal to expect him to learn new habits, adjust his behaviour to your and your household’s needs.

The door is fine, although you can paint it if you don't like the colour (I have to say it wouldn't be my first choice of colour and would be looking at painting it.)

What is not fine is your boyfriend moving in and dictating the timeline that you spend your money on things. If he was that eager to get it done, he could have contributed to the cost, or better yet, been more careful with the cats until you'd chosen how your £2k was to be spent.

I am happy for him to have moved in, and he is going to be paying me a good contribution towards mortgage and bills – more money than I would get from a lodger. He has also paid half towards some new furniture we need. This is the first time I've moved in with a partner though so perhaps as someone has pointed out maybe this isn't about the door. It might be about me being too compromising. I had already planned for us to get a new door in the new future, so it wasn't as if he was demanding one, I think he just wanted to push it along and I wasn't clear enough about wanting more time to find one