AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

I think it's simple.

The benefit to them is far greater than the benefit to you.
For them it's a lovely holiday at a time that suits.
For you it's £1K minus tax and business overheads that won't make very much difference at all- just one less outfit, coffee, high end make up.

There is such a thing as being generous of spirit- not just money.
It seems you can't get your head round that concept.

I think given money is no object it would be a nice gesture to let them use it once at a rate they could afford in peak season. That said it doesn’t have to be an annual thing.
Try being generous- it might genuinely give you a boost to know you’ve done something kind for family, and on balance you might enjoy that more than a new outfit.

I think most people, if independantly exceptionally wealthy, and being fully financially supported by someone else day to day, would indeed be happy to give a week's earnings from one of their multiple income streams to allow their inlaws to have a nice holiday in the summer. Anyone in that situation who wouldn't is as tight as a duck's arse.

Wow in this shitty world of people working their backsides off and still relying on food banks and benefits to survive we have a very rich person quibbling over a weeks earnings being "lost " and how they would rather spend that money on their next new outfit and meals out with friends.
I honestly cannot believe the mindset. Yeah I know I'll get slated for this but tbh I don't give a damn, it's just an opinion like everyone else on here.
You do you OP I hope you enjoy wearing your next outfit whilst out having a meal.

However, her husband is very much gaining from OP’s decision to provide full-time childcare for their three children and pay 100% of the cost of the family’s nanny/housekeeper two days per week. Her husband has no childcare costs at all, and can focus 100% on his career

Let them have it and your husband can pay for their stay. If he doesn't want to give you the cost then weird you would shoulder the cost. I actually think they're cheeky cunts for even asking this of you. Clearly grabby twats.

Perhaps because OP isn't financially contributing meaninfully to their joint day to day living expenses, leaving him to pay her share, so he can't afford it...

The OP is not being fully financially supported by someone else, given that she provides the family home and all childcare so DH has to pay towards neither. It's very possible she covers more of the family costs than DH does.

And still, he's unwilling to cover half the costs of a free holiday for his parents even though OP would fund the other half.

Because, again, she’d be charging her family! In that case, her husband!!
She has a nice thing. She should share it with family, free of charge.

Hasn’t contributed meaningfully - sure, it’s not like she’s provided/providing a mortgage free house and childcare.

She’s said that if he wanted to cover the reduced costs during peak season then he could, he just doesn’t want to.

Except "both sides" didn't give OP the villa.

People get really weird when women run a business like a business and refuse to give away their money.

OP, you've let them know the availability of the villa and it was their choice to accept those dates or not.

They chose not to, so the conversation is over.

I wonder how much fun money the DH has?

We’ve paid towards holidays and other things both to DC and to parents (including my in-laws) We have by far the most disposable income compared to parents or DC. DH brings in most of the disposable income, he doesn’t distinguish between his parents and mine who we treat or help

No, she really shouldn't. She has a nice thing that provides income. She shouldn't feel obliged to share that with anyone.

We have a holiday villa, we offer it to select family and friends free of charge, at times that suit us. Not all family and friends, because some will (and have) take the piss.

I agree Dutch. It’s part of the pernicious “be kind” mindset that women are subject to. We are just expected to give give give.

Just because you are wealthy you are not then obliged to fund others. We are very careful to pay our way when interacting with extreme wealth - actually even more so as dread looking like a hand out seeking free loader.

"Don't you realise that I am considerably richer than you"...

I think you’re being extremely mean and definitely unreasonable.

Charging family is a firm “NO” in my book. I’m always shocked when I hear people charge family, even a reduced rate is unreasonable.

They’ve already demonstrated that they don’t understand her loss of income and don’t respect her when she says no.

These are not polite, respectful people. Their demands will not stop if she gives them what they want once.

It's amazing how being spoilt by mummy and daddy turns children in selfish entitled and unkind adults.

it's astonishing isn't it, that in-laws being offered a FREE holiday instead of being grateful are so entitled they complain and demand more and a bigger gift 😂

bit harsh, how do we know the in-laws were spoilt by mummy and daddy?

They may have become selfish, entitled and unkind adults since, who knows.

I believe that this is what the young people call a "humblebrag"....

I agree with you OP, and this is the very reason we don’t have a spare room (in the extremely popular and very expensive neighborhood we live in) or a second home. The money for these things would have come from my family, the requests for stays and use of the home would have come from DH’s. I wouldn’t see either of these things (bigger house or second home) as “mine” let alone DH’s and mine, because I haven’t earned the money to pay for them and neither has DH. I’d have no problem with my family using them because they will have effectively bought it; but DH’s family aren’t privy to our finances and would assume that their son bought these things and would feel entitled to use them without even asking me probably. So, we’d rather go without and we do.

In truth, your in laws’ entitlement to your income because it’s more than theirs is what’s off-putting. I’d probably offer it for a 50th birthday or a 40th wedding anniversary weekend, peak season and with all the bells and whistles. It would be a lovely thing to do for someone. But if someone think they can have x% of my monthly income because it’s bigger than theirs - nah. Not happening. I will decide, with my DH, what I do with my income. Nobody else.

It's hard to unpick though, isn't it?

So, op's parents gave her money towards the villa. But op benefits also from the numerous ways her dh's husband was supported by his dp to enable him to earn a wage that supports their family - whether that's hard cold cash or the upbringing and support they gave him, right?

So why are one set of dp worthy of treating and the other aren't?

Genuinely can't tell whether that poster meant OP, the ILs or DH!