AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

You bet he'll remember it. He doesn't want to sub his parents. Too busy throwing the OP under the bus with his mealy-mouthed "maybe one day" (is that even true?) and "Sorry".

Pfft.

I think the in laws are freeloading chancers with an over developed sense of entitlement

Stick to your guns OP

Spiteful to give the chance of a free holiday to your in-laws? 😂😂
Just during off-peak season, which last for months?

You must be a dream of a MIL with that attitude. Are you also abusing your DIL if she buys you something, but that is not designer?

They want you to pay for their holiday. Cheeky fuckers.

Do they understand that? That the villa isn’t just lying around empty? That by giving them a free/ reduced rate holiday you are effectively paying for them through lost income?

Your family using it is irrelevant. They’re your family. The idea of ILs on both sides of one marriage being so enmeshed that they regard each other as one big ‘what’s yours is mine’ family is bananas to me.

You've just been given precise evidence that completely contradicts your assertions. How can you not see that?

Yes. They’re loaded- she just doesn’t want to let them go when they want. She’s admitted the loss of earnings will be inconsequential to them. Tight. Those who can’t see it will be tight too.

@IonianNerveGrip
yes I have more “free cash”
my contribution to family is being a SAHM and the property we live in. Nothing else. Then he pays all the bills, all the holidays except this villa, all the kids’ clothes, baby related equipment, kids’ medical costs if any arise, days out etc

But the OP didn’t effectively pay for her villa herself in the first place. It’s hardly a huge hardship to do something altruistic for people who are pretty much her own family. Charge them to cover your costs if you can afford to (it sounds like you can) then it’s up to them if they can afford it. Sometimes it’s good to oil the wheels and do something nice for other people without making a profit out of it.

I agree with you (as an owner of a villa around a very popular family resort). You'd basically be paying for their holiday. People don't understand the costs and implications of allowing someone to spend time there for free during the main earning months of the year.

Parents, who were likely instrumental in you getting the cash to afford such a villa, are not the same as your in laws and I find people are being disingenuous in trying to equate the two.

If you can afford it and you like your in laws, then that's when it's fine. But them getting upset about it is CF behaviour.

it’s early inheritance / family money

So "family money" is a thing in your family of origin, but not your current family with your own husband?
Most people would find that a very strange attitude.

Perhaps you need to look at this issue with a counsellor. Why do you share "family money" or assets with your parents but not your husband?

YANBU. Your in-laws want some of your income but they don’t want to give you any of theirs.

So? The end result of missing out on peak season income is still the same.

If you do it once then you will set an expectation that they can do the same every year.

So be firm and say no.

@LauritaEvita exactly this

I wouldn't put my DH in such a difficult position.

If I lent to my parents, and he wanted his parents to get the same treatment, I wouldn't be a dick about it and go on about MY income. Im married. Significant financial decisions are made together.

I'm not dumb enough to think this is just a financial decision. It's a decision about the relationship I have with my in-laws.

If finances were that important I wouldn't be lending the property to my parents and I would explain the reason why about my financial security and could they possibly have the week in May instead.

The fact she hasn't had the week in May conversation with her own parents - which her DH will know - means it's about a lot more than financial security and is about her relationship with her in-laws.

If on the other hand my DH was onboard with treating differently that would be fine. But it's be down to him to explain it to his parents and not me. Or just to not tell them my parents had special treatment in the first place.

This 100% isn't about money and financial security.

Should anything happen to her, she says the villa won't be left to her children.
Yes, I think it's a strange take, but she obviously highly values her side of the family 🤷

I would never ask to stay in someone’s villa - what a cheek.

This could have been avoided though with, “First week in August, mil? Hmmm, sorry! Fully booked May to September till 2029… but any other month…”

Thanks. It's not an assumption anyone should've made without you clarifying though.

Bullshit

So, by obfuscation? Best to be direct.

Loving the op’s updates! Each one giving away a bit more ‘mean girl’ vibes! The next one will be telling us that the ILs are teachers which is why off-peak freebies don’t work for them!

What will he remember forever ? That his parents are essentially asking his wife to give them £3000 out of her salary ? Because this is what it amounts to. And will he also remember forever that he was quite happy to allow this and not even cover half the costs - they’re his parents. I don’t think it’s tight arsed to want to protect your income stream and to apply business sense to do so. OP has offered several alternatives and in laws have refused them all.

My brother had a very lovely static at a popular seaside resort that he rented out.
He let his grown up children use it for free, the rest of us paid market rates. If you dont draw a line, it will just snowball.

I think YANBU I know pp think it’s unfair to differentiate between your parents and in laws but they contributed, it may have been a gift but I’d feel obligated to let them use it unless they were using it excessively. I’d think you were more a cf if you didn’t can you imagine the thread of we gave Dd x to buy a villa but now she wants to charge us market rates.

#BeKind is out in force above all. Only because she’s a woman though.