AIBU to not let in laws use my villa for free in peak season?

[dilwithvil]

I have a villa in Europe by the beach that I own independently of my husband. It’s effectively a high-end Airbnb in a very popular area and is usually fully booked from mid May until late September. It’s one of my income streams (I’m a SAHM but I manage several investments/assets, and this is part of my income). My husband also earns a very good salary, for full context, but all of “my spending” (coffee with a friend, make up, clothes, dentist) is paid by me from this income. I earn more than my husband.

My in-laws would like to use the villa for a week in peak season for free. My view is that peak season is when the villa earns money. If I block out a week for them, I’m not just “sharing a holiday home”, I’m giving up a week’s rental income.

I’ve said they’re very welcome to use it either in low season, when bookings are much quieter, or at very short notice if a peak-season booking unexpectedly cancels (which almost never happens).

They’re unhappy with this because they want to be able to plan a holiday well in advance, and they don’t want to go in low season because the weather is less reliable. Even if they paid half the market rate this is more than they would usually pay for a holiday, so they don’t want to pay that either.

For context, my parents do occasionally use the villa in peak season. The villa ultimately came from my side of the family (family money/early inheritance), so I don’t really see that as the same thing. Without them, there wouldn’t be a villa in the first place.

Also, while I get on reasonably well with my in-laws, I wouldn’t choose to holiday with them for a week or two, so inviting them while we’re there isn’t really something I want to do either.

AIBU for saying that if they want to use it in peak season, they should either pay the market rate (or even half), or go in low season? Or should family simply be allowed to use it for free regardless of the income I’d be giving up?

Wow. What an awful attitude you have. Everything seems to be transactional to you and measured in new outfits and dinners out. How sad to be so money orientated, mean and lacking in understanding of the more important things in life. You can clearly very comfortably afford a treat for your in laws. Why on earth would you not do so (except in the circumstance where the relationship is v bad).

OP is a SAHM, sensibly protecting her own income and assets as MN regularly begs SAHM to.

MN: you’re so mean! Give the CF who can’t be arsed with your DC a free holiday at your expense!

FFS I despair of this site sometimes.

I’m surprised OP that you have the patience to respond to some of these posters
and why you would even comprehensively explain yourself when a straightforward question has elicited such rancour and irrational spite, showing no business acumen, common sense or grasp of family dynamics/opportunism/entitlement

Since you can actually afford it, let them have it as a one off. Let them know it's a one of for goodwill. You have to make compromises in life.

Whilst the logical side of my mind agrees with your rationale, my gut feeling is that this sounds like quite mean and stingy behaviour from a wealthy person. But you can ofc do what you want and refuse them access in the summer.

I agree with the op,I wouldn't be losing that sort of money either. I think I would be saying it's a lower season freebie or nothing.
As far as the ops parents go, given they gifted the villa,they are entitled to stay whenever they want imo.
Surely people can see the difference, in laws wouldn't have the choice at all if it wasn't for them! I say this as someone who had the loveliest in laws and know they would never have put me in this awkward position in the first place.
Because they were reasonable people who used common sense.

The villa is a bit of a red herring.

As a family you need to decide if you want to give your in-laws £3,000 or whatever a week would cost.

And if so, then decide how to pay for it.

Clearly you as a couple are much richer than your in laws. So you need to collectively as a couple decide if you want to subsidise them and then decide how

This argument completely collapses because she DOESN'T protect her income when it comes to her parents.

She then says:
Yes I absolutely can afford to let them use it for free in the sense that, after tax etc that week will “cost” me perhaps a new outfit and several dinners out with friends. Could I go without that outfit and dinner out? Probably. But would I enjoy buying a new outfit and going for dinner, more than not? Of course

This is disposable income not financial security.

She freely admits the money isn't going to be saved for her future, it's going to be spent on luxury experiences and goods.

So MN are completely justified here.

I have a similar thing with my business. I would say hold firm on your boundaries. They’re not just using your villa, they’re loosing a weeks income. That’s the biggest thing. In my business everything is accounted for and if I do a freebie it’s because I have decided to, not because I am being forced.
At the end of the day they are asking for a weeks worth of wages, just gone, and if you can’t afford/don’t want to afford that, then you should be allowed.
The fact that your family are allowed is a different matter, I feel, as you say, without them there is no villa, so it seems churlish to refuse.

What does your DH think? Given that this income is key to you not working outside the home?

I would say he needs to explain to his parents that this is not a ‘holiday home’ as such but a business and giving it away in peak time is losing a big % of business.

Would he give % of HIS income to your parents do that they could go on holiday?

Offering it free off peak is a generous and fair offer.

If only the OP had framed her thread as: "My DH won't give money to his parents for a holiday, even though he can afford to".

I agree with those saying it isn’t fair to make a difference between your parents and your in-laws. Not from the (overly romanticised) point of view that you married their son and they are now your family, but more because your reason isn’t logical or fair. You can either take the hit to your income or you can’t. If you can’t, then your parents shouldn’t be allowed to stay for free either. I mean, if you’re going to wheel out the ‘family money’ argument, did the money for the villa come from your mum’s side of the family or your dad’s? You could stretch it back forever. The villa is yours. I honestly think you come across as hypocritical.

Yes, it's all rather one sided isn't it. Funny considering all the reversal of the sexes posts.

If the villa is shared marital property, so is everything else. Including the DHs wage and money in his accounts, meaning it's available to cover funding a free holiday for both sets of parents.

So let's assume she's earns £100k a year after tax from various places and her in laws have basically asked her for a 2k gift because they want it. They don't need £2k, they just want it.

Let's assume that you earn £25k a year after tax, your in laws say they want you to give them £500. Just because they want it. They don't need it. Would you give them the money?

You missed the bit where her DP are the reason she has said asset.

Another vote here for YABU, again for the fact that you let your parents use it over peak season. You are ultimately being deliberately difficult and especially spiteful.

All this justifying that 'there would be no villa' without your parents is convoluted and only used to disguise the fact that you just don't want to – own that at least, because anything else is tiresome and pretty easy to see through.

You have a VERY passive income, you earn very well as a family, you have a nanny-housekeeper. You are 100% in the wrong.

Do with that what you will.

Fair enough and as long as your DH is also onboard with this. The polite response to them would be "sorry it's already booked but you can come this and this date" then repeat if they keep asking. That way you don't come across as mean and stingy to them.

They certainly won't be remembering that your parents paid for the villa - many people like this don't link two and two together.

Ok. So not your children.

I agree with this. It sounds like the IL's don't make much effort but expect a lot. In this case I'd charge a token amount, rather than a freebie. Maybe 25%? Keeping the relationship cordial is worth a lot. Don't give it for free because you'll feel so resentful, charge enough so they value it but can still afford to go. And then unfortunately you're already fully booked for next year, if they ask again

Weird how that keeps happening isn't it!

Whether it’s considered a joint marital asset depends on how it has been gifted, but let's assume you’re right. If it’s joint marital property why is DH not contributing to the costs of maintaining it and running it as a business ? If he owns half of it, why is he not taking half the financial hit of providing his parents with a free holiday ? OP may receive the income stream, but she does all the work and pays all of the costs. You can’t pose the situation as a reverse by leaving out relevant information.

This comment is so rude I gasped. “you do you”
your marital arrangements have no relevance here,
why so bombastic?

Having read your update, I'm wondering why you posted on here? You sound absolutely unequivocal. You're very clear that your approach is correct. That's fine - it's your life, I just wondered why you've opened it up for discussion?
Especially AIBU...

I think it makes more sense if you think of it like job income (which it is for the OP). So for example would you take unpaid leave for two weeks to help out your PIL? You might in an emergency if you could afford to, but not for example for planned house-sitting.

The offer of a half price rate is very fair, in fact they are getting a bargain.

I was going to say the Inlaws are CF's before i read the part about you letting your own parents use it in peak season for free.

YABU.

Why no equality?