AIBU to worry DH is out of touch for future parenting?

[DealForTheKids]

This isn’t urgent or an invite for a pile on but more of a musing.

DH just turned 40 and is not very aware of what’s going on with trends. He has a great group of mates but it’s - in no particular order - football, politics, wrestling, cricket, families.

We were the first to have kids in his friendship group so there’s still a lot of chat about weaning and nap schedules, they’re a good bunch of guys. Our kids are 6 and 5- a boy and a girl.

I have had a lot of chats with him about things like the social media ban, incel culture, phone use in teens etc. He goes ‘why would that be relevant to me’ and I do to a point respect that - it’s just not part of his world and that’s fine - great even. He’s never heard of Bonnie Blue for example 😂

But I do worry about how it will influence our parenting as the kids get older. Obviously my 6yo doesn’t know who Bonnie Blue is either, but I do worry that if he doesn’t know about trends and things to be aware of - like exploitation, county lines, trends in music and society - it’s going to impact on our parenting. I want to teach our children how to navigate the world they live in, how can I do that if he’s not aware of that world? I’m not saying he needs to start listening to Radio 1 but surely we need to at least keep a foot in the world our kids live in?

Like I say this isn’t a ‘big deal’ but as the parent of a boy and a girl I think it’s important I keep an eye on the influences in their lives. AIBU?

Knowing about the existence of the manosphere; Which new influencers are spreading misinformation or bigotry; the latest challenge on tiktok that has the potential to kill them; helping them stay safe on whatever new social media platform is popular, knowing that what you put online lives forever, knowing how not to get doxxed, knowing what to do if they see something inappropriate online, knowing that sex doesn't look like porn...

As a teen i basically only discovered this crap at uni and was old enough to be sensible about it all. If you keep kids off social media to begin with you can avoid a lot of it until they are largely adult. This is why so many of us are adamant about getting phones out of school, only give our kids completely locked down/brick phones etc.

This.
You teach them good values & they will apply them to whatever comes along

Respect for people of either sex & whatever gender presentation.

Caution about how you conduct yourself in public (theres always someone watching/you never know might take a pic or video and where it might end up)

Enthusiastic consent and some general principles around sex (everyone has to 100% want to do it, everyone should be enjoying it, triple check with partner before you try anything new, anything that risks hurting someone is a bad idea).

You dont need to know whats on tiktok this week.

Your DH sounds fairly normal, I was expecting something very different! I think you're worrying too much. You grow and learn with your children. Observing and talking to mine taught me a lot about social media that I wouldn't have known probably as a child free adult. And not every child gets drawn in everything. To one of mine social media was / is about following celebrities, music and gaming. To the other it's more about posting photos to be 'liked' and sending messages (yes, more risky). Both have turned online friends into real life friends, without any major problems.

He will educate himself alongside his children - and he will meet dads (and mums) of children the same age assuming he asked any part in parenting activities.

I have no clue who/what Bonnie Blue is. My kids are fine.

Sure if no teens have (unsupervised) Internet access then there is no problem. And I'm right there alongside you about changing the expectation for kids and teens to have smartphone access. However that's not the current world we live in and you sound extremely naive. Yes, you can not buy your own kid a phone, or buy them a brick instead, but you have zero control over their friends and peers. It's great that you didn't come across any of this crap until you were at uni. But the vast majority of teens do. Either on their own device, or because their mate shows them something cool/funny/weird/scary and they're halfway down a rabbit hole they didn't know existed. If you don't educate kids you leave them vulnerable. If you don't know what you need to educate them about, you're being negligent

Your kids might know. 😬

You'll always be behind your kids no matter how up to date you think you are.

That's just life. And parenting.