My kids keep saying I have a fat tummy

[Coldcoffeekindamorning]

DC are 6 and 4. Wore a jumpsuit today as its bloody hot and when I took DC to the toilet in a cafe, I went for a pee too. My 4 years old pipes up "Mum have you got a baby in your tummy its so fat?" And then my 6 year old echos. I say that it's not nice to ask that question and explain that women's bodies are different from children's especially once they've had children. I tell them I'm proud of my body because I grew them both and everyone body looks different.

Inside though I feel awful. My BMI is around 25 so I am a healthy weight but I do have a small pot belly. I eat healthy, I fast, I exercise but after having 2 kids and finding it very hard to exercise after birth injuries (try 2 years healing and £384884844 of physio for my last child).

I've worked so hard to get back to a size 10 and I still feel shit about myself.My OH says that I look good but kids dont lie do they? They say what they see. Not really AIBU but I do feel so deflated and shit about myself.

My 4 year old son once told me I had an enormous bottom.

But he said it with such pride, and sounded so impressed I took it as a positive. 😉

I just told him that some people get upset when you talk about their bodies so it is a good idea to nit do that with people you don't know.

Your tummy is fine. You can just choose not to worry about this stuff you know. That is what I do now I am in my 50s. My body is healthy and strong, and that is all that matters.

My 5 yo tells me I have a fat tummy but I just tell him it's because I've had two babies (and probably too many biscuits). It makes me feel awful inside that I have a wobbly tummy with the usual C-section overhang but I'm trying to not project those concerns externally so the DC grow up believing it doesn't matter what size/shape someone is as long as they're happy and healthy.

My 8 yo quite likes to wobble my tummy and tells me my bum is wobbly too. She doesn't seem to see them as bad things and the way she smiles makes me laugh.

It's not easy to overcome inner voices that say you should be thinner or a certain dress size, but I'm trying hard not to pass on those same inner thoughts to my DC.

@itsme189No, reading’s not hard for me. She explained it “wasn’t nice” to say those things and then added a whole load of waffly explanatory stuff. “Not nice” is different from “rude” and they need to know it’s rude. Simpler messages work best for children that age.

Seems punctuation is hard for you, tho - try a colon after “did”.

@Wickedlittledancer

how is that lying?! If she hadn’t had the kids no doubt her stomach would be flatter!

80cm at navel and 5 ft 5

I absolutely am not proud of my body but I dont want my DC to learn that for themselves.

How do you stop giving a fuck? I would love the freedom from this thought process.

It's probably because we met a friend with a her baby and last time they saw her she was heavily pregnant. I dont want to look pregnant anymore!

How do you accept and love your new body though?

I think unless you want to exercise a lot and/or eat very low calorie, it’s pretty normal to have a soft tummy once you’ve had kids. I am pretty slim but have one because I can’t be fucked doing sit ups or whatever.

My kids call it my “mummy tummy” with genuine affection. I remember I loved the softness of my also-pretty-slim mum’s belly when I was a kid. My boyfriend likes my body and I’m not sure who else’s opinion I’m meant to care about. I think you need to learn to be kinder to yourself.

For me the trick was not to be in love with my body, that's too hard a task to achieve consistently. What radicalised me was realising that everything about the way I saw my body and the clothing I wore was through the lense of it needing to be flattering and one day I just thought, for who? Why is it important that strangers don't think I'm bigger than I am? Why is being perceived as being bigger so awful? Once I got over my internalised fatphobia I realised how unbelievably restricting it is to only value your body if it's flattering. Now I regularly wear clothes that make me look a lot bigger probably, but they're fun, colourful and functional. My size 14 tummy is wobbly in a way that my children find comfortable to lay on. My tummy does not stop being being a bloody brilliant mum. All women deserve to feel the freedom of living outside of the misogynistic values of "flattering".

I know this but how do you actually make the step to believing this?

I think it upset me because it wasn't just a general "you're fat" it was because I was sitting there with my belly out and they commented on it. It was an observation, not a nasty intended one but it still rang true to me that that's how I look.

I try so hard to do something about it, that's the point!

Little kids are muppets. You could have flat tummy and they still come out with this kind if stuff

I guess I dont like my body after children and I feel bad about myself. I try very hard to eat well and exercise but I still dont look how I want to.

Just tell them it is rude and upsets you and you do not say things like that to them and repeat every time

This.

My 3 year old got into a habit of telling me I had a big fat belly in the weeks after I'd just given birth to her brother. Weirdly enough she never commented much when I was pregnant! After some gentle reminding about unkind words I eventually snapped at her and said that is very nasty, do NOT say that to me or anyone else again please. And she didn't.

I also stopped her watching Peppa Pig because they all regularly take the piss out of Daddy Pig for being fat and also Peppa herself is bloody infuriating.

Peppa pig sounds like utter shite

Wow.

But how do you just stop caring? I would love to be like this.

I love this, thank you.

Getting triggered by a 4 and a 6 year old, that just reeks of insecurity.

“Triggered”. 🤣

@TrishM80

not liking others comment on her body does not mean that she is “triggered”. No one has the right to comment on her body not even her children. It’s good that she models this self respect to them - especially to her daughter.

Just focus on all the good stuff your body does for you. Learn to love it for that. Made your kids. Helps you eat and gives pleasure that way. Learn about the microbiome and the gut brain connection. Be amazed by your own body and how absolutely brilliant it is and stop caring about the utter shallowness of not having a completely flat stomach. Having a flat stomach doesnt even matter.