My kids keep saying I have a fat tummy

[Coldcoffeekindamorning]

DC are 6 and 4. Wore a jumpsuit today as its bloody hot and when I took DC to the toilet in a cafe, I went for a pee too. My 4 years old pipes up "Mum have you got a baby in your tummy its so fat?" And then my 6 year old echos. I say that it's not nice to ask that question and explain that women's bodies are different from children's especially once they've had children. I tell them I'm proud of my body because I grew them both and everyone body looks different.

Inside though I feel awful. My BMI is around 25 so I am a healthy weight but I do have a small pot belly. I eat healthy, I fast, I exercise but after having 2 kids and finding it very hard to exercise after birth injuries (try 2 years healing and £384884844 of physio for my last child).

I've worked so hard to get back to a size 10 and I still feel shit about myself.My OH says that I look good but kids dont lie do they? They say what they see. Not really AIBU but I do feel so deflated and shit about myself.

That isn't factual.

Someone being older doesn't mean they're a grandma. Her reply seems a bit OTT to me, but maybe she has trauma around never having been able to have kids, a complex about getting older, or a strong belief it's rude to point at strangers, who knows?

I'd have said to my little one 'oh gosh, that lady didn't like hearing that, did she? I wonder if it upset her. Maybe she wasn't a grandma. Next time if you want to talk about someone you see, you can tell me quietly'.

Yep. You'll have to acknowledge to yourself that this is your insecurity speaking. Don't communicate your insecurities to small children, they can't handle it. You are the authority figure as their parent, take charge.

I used to really be fat when my kids were little and when they made comments like this I'd say 'yes its lovely isn't it' and give it a squish. They weren't fooled that I loved my body obviously (if only they were) but they at least saw that I didn't have to apologise for it.

Just tell them it's rude to make personal comments so don't so it. What's the need for endless bloody explanations

When DD was 6, she happily believed that there was an entire alternate universe called RedWorld, where everything was exactly the same but red, because I'd fed her some bullshit about it when we were walking past a building site with a red reflective fence round it. She went to school and told her friends and teacher about it and everything!

She did not however believe in gravity, because it was too ridiculous a concept.

Kids are fucking idiots. They're famous for it. And idiots with no life experience at that. Your kids have likely seen a grand total of 2 naked adult bodies in their lives. You're really going to believe them over an adult man? And one who wants to sleep with you at that?

I like the neutral explanations. I have just told mine (DD is 5) that we don't comment on other people's bodies, because it's rude.

I have actually said the same to my Father when he commented on a larger lady we saw on the beach!

One time my daughter actually told him "We don't comment on other people's bodies Opa" 😂

I got this all the time along with "why do you have a big nose/hairy bum" etc

Reminds me of this cartoon

And yes it’s important to remember young children don’t understand things like us. My nephew says it makes him angry when I say a child is older than him as he doesn’t understand it’s a neutral fact… he hears it as more competent, respected and trusted. The same is said for ‘big’ and ‘fat’ just means bigger than theirs or soft.

OH says that I look good but kids dont lie do they? They say what they see.

Sometimes they do.
And often they just repeat what they’ve heard.

You’re a size 10. You dint have ‘a tummy’. No woman is supposed to have a totally flat stomach, esp after giving birth twice.
Im a size 20. Now I DO have a tummy and the comment would be realistic.
But you really don’t.

I completely agree with this. They soon learn.

Yes but FOR HER (a 3 year old) it is factual because she thinks a grandma is a word for an old lady with white hair and a stick, because at her nursery they take them on visits to a retirement home and they call it “going to see the grandmas and grandpas”.

Kids do learn about the world through generalisations and stereotypes and shortcuts (look up schemas) and the later on learn more and more exceptions and examples and qualifications. At age 3, understanding that older, females who walk with sticks are called grandmas is not incorrect or rude, it’s how her brain organises her world.

I’ll be telling her biology isn’t destiny and all that when she’s a little older

That’s probably exactly what OP’s children are learning. They’ve learned that a rounded tummy = pregnancy or fatness. That’s a schema, a shortcut or system that helps them understand the world. As they get older they’ll learn all the exceptions and different explanations for a rounded tummy e.g. being on your period, being unwell, having had children, being that shape naturally, having IBS etc etc.

What a disgusting way to describe a woman's body.

You should be ashamed.

Does saying that make you feel better about yourself?

Nothing wrong with kids realising the difference from a toned and fit body and a body a bit overweight.

OP is not "a bit" overweight. Her BMI is 25. That is the very start of being overweight, if she lost an ounce she would be in the normal weight range.

We know everyone on MN is size 4 and lives on massive salads but don't use your own body hang-ups and disordered eating to justify children being rude.

oh please, it's getting tedious to read about everybody is beautiful and it's rude to think otherwise.

Nothing wrong with explaining to kids what a healthy body looks like, and stop pretending otherwise.

but don't use your own body hang-ups and disordered eating 😂
Looking at your angry reaction, I think you'll find the one with body hang-ups is not me

There's nothing inherently unhealthy about a woman who has been through two pregnancies not having a completely flat stomach.

God these are very small children, they dont need to be berated for 'commenting on womens bodies'. Fat doesnt mean anything snide to a child of yours at that age, so the answer is yes, this is the sort of tummy that mummys have its lovely and soft and I like it (even if you dont)

Out of the mouth of babes" (often followed by "comes wisdom"

@IronEverything @DeskGnome please see my apology posted above

They are just saying what they see, you said you have a pot belly, they won’t have meant anything by it. Just teach them that we don’t comment on people being fat as it can upset them.

This. They know babies come for tummies so they think any roundness means a baby is in there. I wouldn't over explain just tell them that's the shape of your tummy and change the subject.

So on a thread where you can see how upset a woman is about being body shamed.. you decide to body shame other women?? 🤦‍♀️

I'd be more interested in figuring out why children thinking you're fat, bothers you so much? Even if you are, and it sounds like you're not, so what?

Oh please don’t take it personally, OP. Small children are very blunt, and just say what they see. I got asked by a random 6 yo if I was pregnant a number of years ago- I was size 8 with a normally flat tummy but was a little bloated that day due to my af. She even gave my tummy a little pat as she asked me, followed by a suspicious look when I said no I wasn’t pregnant. I was a little taken aback and did wonder if I looked chunky around my middle but let it go quickly. However, I was not quite as relaxed about the pregnancy accusations when the guy fixing our fences accused me of being pregnant and then argued with me about it when I said no. He was adamant and kept telling me I needed to take a test because he could tell I was pregnant 🙄 I was 9 months postpartum and hadn’t had sex for at least 18 months.