My kids keep saying I have a fat tummy

[Coldcoffeekindamorning]

DC are 6 and 4. Wore a jumpsuit today as its bloody hot and when I took DC to the toilet in a cafe, I went for a pee too. My 4 years old pipes up "Mum have you got a baby in your tummy its so fat?" And then my 6 year old echos. I say that it's not nice to ask that question and explain that women's bodies are different from children's especially once they've had children. I tell them I'm proud of my body because I grew them both and everyone body looks different.

Inside though I feel awful. My BMI is around 25 so I am a healthy weight but I do have a small pot belly. I eat healthy, I fast, I exercise but after having 2 kids and finding it very hard to exercise after birth injuries (try 2 years healing and £384884844 of physio for my last child).

I've worked so hard to get back to a size 10 and I still feel shit about myself.My OH says that I look good but kids dont lie do they? They say what they see. Not really AIBU but I do feel so deflated and shit about myself.

My 4 year old grandson is obsessed with the word fat at the moment. He called me a fat pair of pants last week. I'm size 6/8 and not an undergarment. And tbf to a small child most adult bodies are going to look fat by comparison. So don't take it to heart.
I'd just be going down the line of it being rude to comment on other people's bodies so they mustn't say those things again.
I think that's all that's necessary at their age. The women's bodies stuff is likely to go over their heads at this point, and too much chat about that can backfire and have them becoming overly conscious or worried about their own. As can showing a strong negative reaction to the idea of being fat. Less is more.

I'd tell mine a grandma can be 30. And that not all women have kids, so she shouldn't assume every woman over a particular age is either a mum or a grandma.

You did not just……. Charming.

I translated as the poster being very over-weight and trying to convince themselves it's a positive it really is not 😂

My DS told me my tummy sticks right out yesterday - was tempted to drown him in the swimming pool!!

Discipline them. It’s rude to make comments on people’s bodies.

Jesus, some folks salivate at the thought of punishing children. It’s shocking.

thede kids are four and 6, it’s a teaching opportunity, this was a moment of curiosity, it is not an opportunity to punish.

Children say all kinds of bollocks. My nephew thinks I’m friends with dinosaurs because I live in London and so does a dinosaur? Obviously isn’t true.

OP you’d be mad to take comments from such young kids on board and provide reasons to them for why you look the way you look. They say so much nonsense at this age, why do you take this one so seriously? By all means explain it is rude to comment on people’s appearance, just don't take it to heart..!

ps: women always have a bit of a belly if they’re healthy and I don’t know about you but I have a fairly flat one for half my cycle and then an increasingly bloated / 5 month pregnant sort of belly from ovulation onwards. I’m a size 10 too

The have you a baby in there might be due to tv they watch or because someone else has and might be nothing to do with you having a belly. But exposure can cause certain questions so tv, adults around them making comments

What?

My comment was crass, misguided and insensitive. I apologise.

You don't have to be harsh but you do need to teach them that you do not have a fat tummy, you have a perfectly normal adult woman's tummy and that they come in a million different shapes and sizes.
And then teach them not to comment on other people's bodies, ever.

don't worry about it OP. my kids call me a big back all the time

I have never been in a position where a child comment would affect my self esteem. They are small. They say the facts, according to them, which does not mean it's literal fact. It's our job to be adults and ignore things children say. However, if there is truth to their statement according to you and it bothers you, then you can do something about it if you want to...There is no obligation to change nor care about the opinions of others, whatever their ages might be.

I agree @Winefride why are you bothered OP, what a 4 and 6 year old think?! 😆

unclench

The first thing you do with young children is to TEACH them. They are learning. You don't discipline your child because you are miffed that they have a point.

3 csections in the last 2.5 years. I've a shelf that sits firmly despite lots if excercise. I call it my battle scar and I've grown to embrace it because that's what I needed to get my children here. I unfortunately lost my twins in my first one.

Your body is amazing. Kids say all sorts of things. Be kind to yourself. The world is critical enough but trust me. Your kids love you and those comments will have gone out of their thoughts by the time they reached yours. 🥰⁷

My DS used to say this a lot up until he was about 6. Im a size 8/10. I think they are just hyper aware of baby tummies and dont really know what 'big' means in the context of a normal woman's tummy.

When mine were little I said that my body is ok, maybe my tummy is a bit big but this is what women look like sometimes and that we don’t look like the women on tv.
Now they are older I am glad they see my fat bits as they are bombarded with images of women (from many sources) that are photoshopped and it’s not a true representation of us.

Exactly this. None of the comments about bodies changing after babies. They are old enough to know that commenting if people are short/tall/fat/thin is unacceptable. Even if it is your mum.

Recently saw a woman walking down our road, probably the youngest she could have been was 75, she had silver hair and was walking with a stick. My 3 year old pointed at her and said - “Look a grandma!” The woman gave me an absolutely filthy look and muttered “RUDE CHILD” under her breath.
How the bloody hell do I explain that one? I didn’t think what my kid said was particularly rude, just a factual description of what she saw. But maybe it did hurt the woman’s feelings - who knows

So, because she was around 75, calling her a grandma is factual? You do know some women don't have children, some of them even on purpose!

I think if the kids had called their daddy fat there would be more of an uproar.

Mums are expected to take criticism.

This is correct answer to your query here 👆

I practice body neutrality with my kid.

When he was younger, I would respond to comments with stuff like 'I love my body! Everyone has fat. Fat keeps us warm. I'm so lucky my legs carry me around! I love that my arms are strong. I love my belly because you used to live there' just general stuff along those lines.

As he's got older we've spoken about how it's okay to talk about his own body, or my body (I don't mind) but he shouldn't make comments, positive or negative, about anyone else's body. He can compliment things like their clothes or hair or makeup. But he can't talk about their body.

Your kids OP probably have an understanding that babies can live in bellies and are just mentioning it from that angle, take comfort from the fact that they will find you absolutely perfect because you're their mum, in their eyes you are utterly beautiful.

As a young child I remember seeing my mum in the morning in her nightie, with cellulite and hairy armpits and legs. And I used to think she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen, because it was my mum and I loved her so much. I grew up with the idea that wobbly legs and armpit hair were beautiful and feminine as to me they signalled being a proper grown up beautiful women instead of being a little girl. I ended up with really great body image, not just because of that though. I always remember that.